Sitting down to blog real fast before my afternoon groups get here. I’ve already planned out their workout so I have like 20 minutes to spare. Porter and Clara are napping and Henry’s doing his schoolwork (which is Reading Eggs at the moment). I’m at the kitchen table, snacking on some pretzels (these) and drinking some aminos.
Today was just like a perfect day. Thursdays are the only day of the week where we don’t have ANY obligations until 3:45pm. Every other day of the week, I lead my Trackstars group at 8am so we’re always rushing around first thing. Today Travis let me sleep in until 8:10 and then I slowly got the day started. The kids and I got a lot of schoolwork done and then we went to the park for a stroll and to play. I didn’t raise my voice once, they listened, we laughed. The SLOWNESS allowed for that I believe.
I CRAVE days like today and need them more often than I allow.
I’m making some pretty BIG changes around here behind the scenes and stepping back from a few things. I want to share more as things take place (and I will) but right now just isn’t the best time. It’s scary….but needed. In stepping back, I just keep seeing this pattern with myself. I have serious over commitment issues. I am a YES girl through and through. I want to help where I see a need and I want to be involved in everything (EVERYTHING!!). A couple of years ago I had to do this very same thing (only then it was much worse and I wasn’t being the best mom/wife at the time). Remember my “Season of No”? These latest changes are smaller. I feel like I’m pretty balanced as far as my attention to being present with my family goes (MUCH better than years past). I just don’t want to even begin down that path again so I’m nipping it in the bud right now.
I feel like as a strong, capable woman, I’m constantly at battle with myself. Part of me yearns for more recognition and stuff (my flesh) and the other part (my spirit) cries out for simplicity. How does one balance those two pulls? The spirit must win. It must.
I KNOW for certain that there are many great things that come from my MoveMore/Trackstars groups, my involvement in Blend, this blog, etc. I KNOW that in my heart of hearts. I have offers all the time to step out MORE, do MORE….all outside the house. With all of this questioning, one truth remains – I am meant to be a stay-at-home mama. I am meant to homeschool. I am meant to be available to my husband when he needs me. Anything more than those truths and I really need to consider the motive.
I know I’m not alone in this battle between flesh and spirit. Maybe you have different pulls than I do but we’re both the same – simply trying to figure life out. Because it’s so NOT simple or easy or basic. It’s complex and messy and there really isn’t “one best.”
I don’t have a great ending to these rambles. Just wanted to share a bit about what’s going on and give YOU the chance to know you’re not alone. I’m right there with you.
Will you hold my hair back?