If you’re new to LL, let me clue you in on what’s going on around here.
I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with our 3rd (5th?) child. Last November, and again in April of this year, I suffered miscarriages. Heart wrenching. Life changing. So when I tell you that this current pregnancy is the answer to months of prayer, it makes good sense. Just the mere fact that I already HAVE two children, that I’ve been able to conceive, carry and birth them is a blessing I didn’t deserve. But now I get to do it AGAIN?!?! Oh how my Father provides!
While I’m OVERJOYED with this chance, this BLESSING, I’m also really sick. For the past month, there really hasn’t been a moment in my day that I’ve felt “myself.” Extreme nausea and (some) vomiting have left me weary and weak. As of today, I’ve lost 11 pounds. Eating is a chore and I find myself going to bed most nights at 8pm just to escape the day (only to wake up in this hellish “Groundhog Day”-existence again).
It’s sometimes hard to find JOY in that. In fact, I’d say that the first two weeks of this sickness I was depressed. Barely functioning. No joy. No hope.
For 28 days, every day, multiple times a day, I would cry out to God for a miracle. “Lord, please heal me completely today! Take this nausea away so that I may be a light to others. Please do it NOW! Today! Please.”
Nothing. <-(or seemingly so.)
I’m still sick.
As much as I might want to question God and His power, I know (believe, trust) some things about my Abba.
1) God is good.
No matter what, I trust that God is good and that His ways are higher and better than mine. His love for me knows no bounds. It’s fun to think that the creator of all things big and small, the creator of the stars and the sun and the seasons, THAT same God loves me with a furious love that none could equal.
2) God answers prayer.
God’s word is not void. Multiple times in scripture, God reaches out and fulfills prayer (I’m thinking Matthew 7:7, Isaiah 65:24). Sometimes it’s quick, miracle-like. Other times it takes YEARS to fulfill. YEARS! Just because God isn’t answering my exact prayer at the exact moment that I’d like Him to, doesn’t mean that He’s not going to answer. It’s in the moments of waiting, desperately crying out, relying on Him just to make it through the next hour – it’s during those times that we grow strongest. That He is strongest IN us.
I also believe that God answers in different ways. I may want healing TODAY, but God might answer that prayer by making me STRONGER today. Not exactly what I asked for, but an answer nonetheless. I’m told to “lean not on my own understanding.”
3) There’s power in the, “And If Not.”
I can ask for xyz daily, by the minute. God easily has the power to provide. AND IF NOT – if He doesn’t speak when I want Him to? What then? ….Then I wait. And trust. And my faith doesn’t diminish, but grows stronger. Because I cannot ever do this on my own. If God doesn’t answer when I want Him to, I still believe that He is faithful. That He is good. And that He knows best.
There is a great faith that abounds in the, “And if not,” times! God demands that faith from us.
I just want to encourage anyone who might be going through a difficult time, when God seems so distant, that A) you’re not alone and B) He is actively (right this minute, this second) working on your behalf. God has already answered SO many of my prayers and wishes – far more quick answers than long drawn out ones. I fully believe that He’s working on this silly morning sickness stuff and that soon, with perseverance, it will all be a faint memory.
Until He fully answers, I’ll wait. I’ll pray (without ceasing – 1 Thes. 5:17). And I’ll continue to feel SUPER blessed.
QUESTION: Anything to add??
P.S. I’m so very thankful for your constant prayers and emails and messages. They warm my weary heart!