I’d planned to post today about some of my “Season of No” revelations/changes, but this topic has been on my mind for the past little bit (especially after writing that birthday letter to myself) and I need to get it out. No pics, just words.
I was looking down at myself in the shower today. You know…how we all do. After a day full of birthday treats and laying around, my belly was what I would call, “a little fluffy.” Bloated and fluffy. Thoughts quickly entered my head. You know…how they always do.
“You should probably detox tomorrow. No sugar, no flour, 200 ounces of water.” (tomorrow being the operative word, because as we all know, you need a full day of prepared gorging before starving yourself into a wisp.)
“You’ve let yourself go, Lindsay.”
“Travis knows. He just would never tell you.”
The first truth is: Over the past year, I HAVE had a more relaxed approach to food and exercise. I’m sure I HAVE gained weight. My clothes fit perfectly fine – no snugness there. I’m WAY stronger – I can outsquat my former self by about nearly 70 pounds!! I’m killing it at the gym! But overall I’m not as “wisp-ish” as I have been in the past.
The second truth is: I really don’t care.
I’d rather be a little fluffy if it means that I get to spend more time with my kids than time in the gym.
I’d rather be a little fluffy if it means that I get to eat chocolate every day. It’s just too damn good.
I’d rather be a little fluffy if it means that my thoughts aren’t consumed with the scale or counting every.single.calorie that passes through my lips. What a waste.
I’d rather be a little fluffy if it means FINALLY being comfortable in my skin.
You know what? I know that I could easily lose 5 pounds. (10 if I lost muscle.) I have the discipline (perhaps a little too much). Losing weight comes easily for me (and I’m not trying to boast about that – please hear my heart.) What’s hard for me now, now that I’ve climbed out of that obsessive black hole, is being ok with a life that isn’t consumed by vanity. My struggle comes from shifting my discipline to the heart and not the body. I wrote a letter to this body that I love, but what I failed to tell it was that it’s merely a vessel. My beauty, my worth, my future – those things are held inside. In a culture that praises obsessions and the outward, the last thing I want to be consumed with is how I look. Spending even a SECOND fretting over how big my butt is – that’s a total waste of my time.
Because looks fade.
Because there is such a thing as being TOO healthy.
Because Clara and Henry deserve a REAL role model. Not a supermodel.
Because my heart isn’t in it. (Thank you, Father!)
Because I’d rather eat chocolate than not.
And because fluffy looks good on me. Because I’m smiling.
You are amazing and an absolute inspiration with a fantastic body- I see no fluff but even if you do you’re still beautiful :) Absolutely LOVE this post, thanks for sharing.
Yup. All of this.
Audrey was pushing my tummy the other day and giggling and my first reaction was the smile and tell her, “yes, that’s where you came from! Mommy carried you for 41 weeks!”
What a difference time makes. In the past, I would have been horrified. I would have run to the scale and thought about cutting carbs or juicing or something, ANYTHING, to tighten things up.
My body is damn amazing. As is. Imperfections and squish and fluff.
Love this post.
This is so beautiful and so true Lindsay! Thank you for this post! It is written so eloquently and it tears at my heartstrings. I used to obsessively count calories, I didn’t have an ounce of fat on my little body, I worked out like a madwoman and I WASN’T HAPPY. These past few months I’ve gotten to experience different cultures and different foods and try out tons of different recipes and it’s been so great! I’m not obsessive over how my body looks anymore and I love myself because I’m me, not because of anything temporary like how good my hair looks or because I feel skinny. Loving yourself for your heart and your inner beauty is so important, especially in today’s world where everything is telling us that we’re not good enough. I just posted about this sort of thing on Saturday and Sunday. And you know what? I didn’t get it across in my post that I could lose 5-10 pounds but maybe it’s not actually worth it. Because I’m incredibly happy and finally in love with myself and I’m enjoying life. Again, thank you. This is great.
Love this! Such a great inspirational and truthful post <3
Loved this post. I’ve recently given up calorie counting and weighing myself which has been so freeing but have had times of dealing with feeling fluffy myself so I can totally relate!
I love this post a lot. I definitely have about 10 lbs that could stand to go and I could lose them if I cut the crap out of my diet but I just don’t feel like it. I’m certainly not overweight, I’m just not underweight either.
This post is AWESOME. After too many wasted years of disordered eating and basing my worth and value of life on body size, I have recently come to this mindset as well. I have never been in this healthy/happy, and it is great to be reminded that other people go through this struggle and have these conclusions to! You’ve inspired me to write my own list of things better than having the perfect body (and I bet you it will be pretty long!). I’ll love to be able to look back at it when slipping into the wrong mindset. Thank you for this!
I love this post! My weekend was full of indulgences and I was just thinking this before I went to bed. “I’ll cut sugar out for the rest of the week!” But then I thought….No, I’m not going to talk to myself like that!
Thank you for sharing you thoughts!
What a lovely post. No matter what we weigh, if we aren’t happy with ourselves then it is never good enough. I love this message and it is a great way to live. And who wants to give up chocolate forever! I have made myself miserable on diets for years, and am working towards being comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for a great post!
I love what you said “Fluffy looks good on me” :) made me think about how most of my family members and loved ones tell me I look better with a little more weight on me. However, my mind is constantly telling me I need to be thin to be happy (which is totally not true). Great post. This may have inspired me to write something similar. Have a great weekend.
I love this Lindsey. I can totally identify with you. I’m still in the process with being ok with “fluffiness.” Because, you’re right, the fluffiness means that we spend more time with our families, enjoy food, and enjoy the life we’ve been given. It’s a constant struggle for me, but you’re right …it’s worth it.
Your beauty shines from the INSIDE (although outside too, but your heart outshines that). I love how Jesus speaks to you and changes hearts. Love this post so much. so many hugs
This is amazing! So inspiring to me as I am in recovery from an ED.
Amen. I’m definitely not at my thinnest (or strongest, or healthiest, or anything) – but darn it if I’m not as happy as can be.
This was such a refreshing post to read. After I had my son it was a huge mental struggle for me not working out as often- the pestering thoughts that filled my head were unbearable at times. I finally got to a place of acceptance and understanding because I had a beautiful, perfect son to show for. If that means not being as strict about exercise, so be it. glad to hear others have the same battles and know we women are in it together.
“Because Clara and Henry deserve a REAL role model. Not a supermodel.” :) LOVE THAT!!!
Could you be more beautiful?? I mean seriously? You are one of the most beautiful women I know inside and out. Praise the Lord for changing our hearts!! I needed this today. xoxo
Even though I was sad we didn’t get to visit liked I had hoped for it was wonderful to see you. I think you look the best you have in years “a little fluffy” or not. (Ha if you are fluffy, i am the marshmellow man from ghostbusters) You had a beautiful smile of a happy lady. Our lives are so blessed!
I love your truth! Always do what feels right for you & nobody else! :)
Oh woman I love these posts that you have been sharing with us since your “time off”! You sound so refreshed, happy, and beautifully honest. High-Fives to you, your body, and sharing this with all of us! XOXO
Amazing post! and you know what? (mind you, you look amazing) but I think people have forgotten that it truly is healthier.. not just mentally/emotionally, but physically, to have some “fluff”. Just because our body gets super lean and shredded when we lift weights obsessively and eat 99% clean …doesn’t mean that it’s better/good. I’ve been there, and thank God for dragging me to such lows where I could only break free with his help. Life is so much more enjoyable! Take care girly and thanks for letting the …fluffy.. cat out of the bag :)
Preach it, hallelujah, amen sistafriend. “Being ok with a life NOT consumed by vanity.” <– yes, yes, yes. Because there is so much more worthy of our attention than the calories in a tbsp of peanut butter or the circumference of our thighs. Even more so, because if we are consumed by vanity, we are not consumed by Him…and there is only One who is worthy of consuming our thoughts like that.
Great post, girl….I’d love to hear your thoughts sometime on the concept of “being TOO healthy”
You aren’t fluffy at all, so that’s the first reason I wouldn’t assume you’d do a detox. :) I have to say that I agree with all the reasons why you aren’t doing one, I however am doing one right now and for me the goal is 100% health related. It’s not about my abs or my ass. Much like you did eliminate foods for your gut awhile back, I’m doing so now which is basically detoxing my body from things that make it feel bad.
I think that’s a great reason to detox! I feel like people go through these cycles of binging and detoxing and become consumed with thoughts about it. If you’re doing it for the right reasons, then I’m all for it!
As someone who’s moving in a very different direction right now, I still love this post. I hope that my crazy plan to try a competition doesn’t EVER make anyone feel like it’s the *right* thing today. It’s only that it’s right for me right now. I love that you are happy in your skin – you are a strong, confident, amazing woman!!
I’m so glad that you’re doing the competition!! I’ll be cheering you on all the way, lady!
Thanks friend – I’m gonna need it! :)
AMEN.AMEN. Love this!!
I too would rather be strong & fluffy, than weak and thin (as I was before). And of course, being healthy was my first priority before getting pregnant, so I could be a healthy/strong mom!
I’m totally with you on this, and I looooove the role model vs. supermodel point. So spot-on!
Amen, amen, amen. Living life more fully and content in what truly matters is definitely where its at.
Oh wow! You have a way of reading my mind. I’ve been dealing with this a TON lately since I finished my bodybuilding shows. Sure, I got lean. Sure, I know how to get myself shredded and super low body fat. But do I want to carry bags of pre cooked chicken around with me the rest of my life? Do I want to be that girl who doesn’t order anything because I ate my “clean” meal before coming? Heck no! This life is way too short and my body is way too temporary to be so obsessed with macros & measurements. Sure, I am still cooking healthy, nutritious meals and making wise choices when I go out to eat (I’m not gonna order and down an entire blooming onion by myself followed by a gallon of ice cream) but I rather “be a little fluffy” and enjoy my days than live in an obsessed/paranoid state of mind. Thank you for this and the truth you speak on your blog!
Truth! Life is too short not to enjoy chocolate everyday. Great post!!!
Great post, so true!
Oh my goodness, THANK YOU! I’ve recently started to have the same attitude as you. Yes, I could – like you – easily lose 5-10 pounds but do I need to? And what would I have to give up to do this? Less food that I love, fewer happy hours with my friends, turning down dinners with my family? No thanks, I’d rather be a little fluffy – plus I hear fluffiness makes for good cuddles :)
I so needed this today! I’m my own worst critic at times and find myself getting into the comparison game. It’s exhausting! I’m working on being comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for sharing! :)
This is just 100% truth, and something I feel like I’m starting to learn for myself. Thanks for the reminder!
So many truths in this post!! Thank you for sharing. We all need the reminder every so often that fluffy isn’t bad.
Totally needed this today, thank you Lindsay!
Thank you for this post today! It was just what I needed to hear! Body image is something I am always struggling with and I really hate that I waste so much time thinking about it. I would so much rather be a little fluffy and having fun that restricting myself to the point of misery just to look perfect. Sometimes I want to just give up because I haven’t met my picture of perfect after a year of faithfully working out but then I realize that although I may not look “perfect” I am strong and healthy and that matters way more than a body that meets some insane standard of perfection.
What a refreshing post. It is so easy to get caught up in the little things that we notice about our appearance when in reality it is nothing. Our bodies are made to be strong and womanly and if we gain a few pounds, we should not be obsessing over them. There is too much good in life to worry about silly things like that. I think women are too harsh on themselves, myself included. Instead we need to embrace life and enjoy the chocolate and fluff that comes with it!
A world without chocolate covered almonds would just be sad. Also not eating 2 bags within 2 days would be devastating. What I’m trying to say is that I whole-heartedly agree with this post. I used to OBSESS about how displeased I was with my body (like lying awake at night thinking about what I should be doing the next day type obsessed), but now, the time it crosses my mind is so minimal. I feel like it’s such a revelation from where i was 2-3 years ago. You’re right – there are so many other important things to worry about. I’d rather focus on baby leg chub rolls than my leg rolls. The former are SO much more enjoyable ;)
My favorite line in this post that stopped me in my tracks was about moving towards “a life that isn’t consumed with vanity”. Exactly. I think there was a time when I confused “healthy” with “vanity”, and nowadays I can see the bigger picture and realize that a little fluff is not worth all the torture it takes to worry about it.
And truth be told: the vast majority of women LOOK much better with a little ‘fluffiness.’ Yep.
I adore this! I have a similar battle with myself every once in a while – knowing that I could lose weight if I wanted to, but really, it’s not worth it to me. There’s things that I would rather be doing than counting everything that goes in my mouth or spending every spare moment I have at the gym. And I know that with the couple of pounds I’ve gained in the last year I’ve gained a lot of strength – and that’s more important to me than being as thin as I was a few years ago.
Well said! I couldn’t agree more especially about being a good role model for your children. I also agree with Laura @ Sprint to the table about too healthy ~ being too healthy is an obsessive compulsive behavior which can become an unhealthy behavior. I have been loving your posts lately! Very inspiring and always gives me something to think about! Happy Monday! :)
Yes, yes, yes! Great post! I have ditched the obsession with the scale & it’s a wonderful thing. I would much rather not know what it says & stress way too much over it & just enjoy living life. Happy Monday :)
I’d rather be a little fluffy if it means I get to go out to eat without panicking, eat yummy food every day, and not waste a billion dishes because I have to measure every single thing I eat (seriously, I used to do a ridiculous amount of dishes). Plus, fluffy is way more cuddly.
yes yes a thousand times yes. every word of this post is part of the lesson i have been working so hard to teach myself. thank you!
needed this today. thanks linds!
Thank you so much for writing this! I’m definitely having a fluffy day, myself, but it’s after having a wonderful weekend going out with my husband and having a great time. I can only complain so much that body isn’t “perfect” (whatever that really is..), but I need to remember to have a good time and live my life!
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I am exactly in the same spot. I have gained weight, due to learning to get into the whole intuitive eating approach still, but honestly now I see that WHO CARES if we are 5 or 10 lbs lighter? If it makes us miss out on life? Life isn’t about being in tip top shape, who cares anyway – youd be the only one who really does. Life is about joy and experiences, not slaving away in the gym or beating yourself up for having cake at a birthday party. Great post
AMEN girl. Well said! Couldn’t agree more. I’ve realized this over the past two years, and life is just so much better.
What a great start to my Monday – thank you!
I loved this post. #thatsall
I do love you. :)
The only thing I’d argue with is when you say there’s such a thing as being too healthy. I don’t think that’s necessarily true… when it crosses a line I’d call it unhealthy rather than “too” healthy.
To be perfectly honest, I had this conversation with myself this morning in the shower!! I applauded myself for indulging, but not over-indulging (aka I didn’t feel gross!!) — but then in the next breath was chastising myself for enjoying M&Ms again while reading in bed. I am trying to lose some weight, but at the same time I feel like I am more healthy than I have been in years!! Working out more and eating better … Yet I continue to struggle with the weight. But chocolate is good :)
Lindsay you have nailed exactly how I feel. I have said it over and over that I could probably have a much better body if I was willing to make more sacrifices. But food is too good and time with my family is too important. I would much rather be a little fluffy :)
This is such a great reminder of how much food fuels. Thanks so much for the great words. I always feel better after reading posts such as yours! Have a great week, girl!
Finding your happy place is the most important part of life. We can’t always be in competition with ourselves. Sometimes, just finding a good balance and accepting where we are at the time is really the best thing for us. Great message Lindsay!
fluffy is the body is comfy. Right? Perfect approach linz. And fluffy can still be healthy! I was just thinking that i am not my fittest today (i don’t run faster, etc.), but damn i am way more healthy.
Agreed with both of you! I’m way more healthy than I was at my thinnest, and I’m okay being fluffy (most days!).
YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!
life is about so much more than a little fluff.
LOVE THIS!! I’m totally more “fluffy” right now too as we’re trying to conceive, but like you, I am way stronger than I was ever and real full fat ice cream is GOOOOOOD!
I’m digging on this, and to be honest, thought a lot about that balance myself. Sure I’m not as lean as I’d like, but I’m so much stronger maintaining in the range I’m at now. Like you and your squats, I’m killing arm balances on my yoga mat and overall feel better in my body. Yes, those thoughts continue to creep in, so thanks for sharing it happens to you still as well… even though I’m sure your abs still could wash my shirts :)