I’ve been going back and forth, pondering on whether or not I should share what’s been going on with me these past few weeks. Currently, I’m sitting on an airplane, headed to Salt Lake City, tears in my eyes, thinking about how very blessed I am. Flying does that for me. Makes me appreciate all of the small and big things that I have – flying makes you evaluate your life. Or at least it does for me. Hours of silence, spent hovering 30,000 feet above the ground – I can’t think of a better place to pray and weep and be grateful.
My life lately….
…has been hard. That’s putting it lightly.
Three full weeks of dawn to dusk nausea. Severe nausea. Vomiting. Fatigue. Headaches.
I’m barely holding on. And I’m a fighter.
But the source of this sickness is where the blessing comes in.
I’m pregnant.
Yes!
Again. So soon after what happened last November.
And I’m so thankful. And I’m so blessed. And I’m so in love already.
Yet, as I sit here typing this above rolling clouds, there lies a great uncertainty about the health of this little one.
The last few weeks = Blood tests, tears, ultrasounds.
All to tell me that my little bean doesn’t seem to be growing like it should.
This weekend I’m putting a smile on my face, soaking up this time with great friends (friends who have been praying for me since day one), and I plan to be as merry as possible.**
On Monday (as you’re reading this), at 10:00am, I will go back for another ultrasound. Perhaps the final one. To see if there’s been any change or growth.
I desperately need to see growth.
I’m sharing all of this, not because I want you to feel sorry for me or to get attention. But because I really want for my friends to know what I’m going through and I consider you all friends. I think more than that, I’m sharing because I’d love some prayer and I believe in the collective power of it. My life, this sweet baby’s life, they are in God’s hands. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, “Lord, blessed be Your name!” I choose to praise.
Flying always does this to me.
Brings me to this place where, once again, time after time, I’m reminded how very beautiful and heart wrenching life can be.
And I can’t help but cry.
splendid…lindsay
**Edited on the plane ride home. This weekend was JUST what I needed. A brief escape from my thoughts and a great time of fellowship with some very dear friends. I’m so thankful for the breath of fresh air.
Gena@BakeAllTheThings! says:
I’m behind on blogs, but before I check to see if you’ve updated I want to let you know I am thinking of you. And sending comforting thoughts, no matter the outcome. Hugs!
calee says:
I’m so glad you were able to get away for the weekend because you really really needed that.
nicole says:
sending lots of prayers your way friend.
Jody - Fit at 55 says:
HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
Coco says:
Reading this on Monday night. I hope you feel the embrace of His love, and the care from all of us.
Victoria @ Reluctantly Skinny says:
Sending tons of love and prayers your way!
Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections says:
Praying for you, Linsday. Stay strong and know the Lord is always with you.
purelytwins says:
sending lots of prayers your way beautiful!!!!
we love ya!!
can’t wait to hang out with you and hug you in a few weeks at Blend!!
Katie says:
Sending SO MANY PRAYERS AND LOVE <3 My heart is heavy for you, you are SUCH a beautiful person and it breaks my heart that you had to go through what you did when pregnant last time. I am thinking of you and sending positive prayers, love you Lindsay <3 stay strong and hopeful <3
jobo says:
((hug)) sending you prayers and strength. XOXO
Lisa @ Lisa the Vegetarian says:
I’ll be praying for you. I hope everything went well today. I can’t imagine how tough it’s been for you to deal with all this!
Meghan @ After the Ivy League says:
Aw, Lindsay! I will definitely be sending many prayers your way. You and Travis couldn’t be better suited to welcome a new little one into this world, and I’ll pray that God gives you that chance. PS. -Congrats on the pregnancy!
Lisa says:
Sending so many prayers and positive thoughts your way <3
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf says:
Sending lots of love you and your family Lindsay! xox
Katie says:
<3
Catherine says:
Hang in there Lindsay- God is with you and your little one – he will always bless you!!! Stay strong in your faith.
chelsey @ clean eating chelsey says:
I am praying like mad for you and this little one. I love how you worship God even in the hardest of times. This song by Meredith Andrews always brings me to tears because it is SO true.
“And after all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me.”
Never have there been better words spoken. Love you lady!
Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries says:
Oh Linds, I’m so sorry. You are definitely in my prayers! Hugs to you!
Kelly @ Cupcake Kelly's says:
Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Melissa Running It says:
Prayers lifted up! No matter the outcome, He IS and will continue to be glorified through you. Lots of hugs and prayers for His perfect will.
Katie @ Talk Less, Say More says:
Sending you love and positive thoughts, my friend. <3
She Rocks Fitness says:
Sending you lots of love, prayers, and a big hug too! We are all here for you EVERY step of the way! XOXO
Maria says:
Since I read this post this morning, you’ve been in my thoughts and prayers. Prayers for your health, the baby’s health and for peace and reassurance. God’s Plan is never very clear to us in the beginning, but I hope you find the strength to trust it.
Best wishes, friend!
Linz @ Itz Linz says:
sending you LOTS of love, good, happy, healthy thoughts, and many prayers!! love you!! xoxo
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life says:
Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way, Lindsay. xoxo
Annette@FitnessPerks says:
Lots of prayers your way, Lindsay! <3
Deidre says:
Lindsay,
I am praying like a mad woman for you and your precious one. God is so much bigger than we can ever give Him credit for and I know in my heart that He has BIG plans for you and your family.
lorie says:
Praying for you and some incredible prayer warriors are lifting you up.
Lori
Lindsay says:
Every prayer for you and your sweet bean. I’ll even ask my three and a half year old to say some, her prayers are the sweetest :)
janetha says:
<3
Marie says:
I am praying. xo
Jess @ Blonde Ponytail says:
Praying for you Lindsay and little bean. Sending you hugs from afar too.
Brittany (Healthy Slice of Life) says:
Sending so much love your way <3
misszippy says:
so sorry…sending you prayers and understanding. I’ve been there four times over. It all ended on a good note, though, with two healthy babies (now 8 and 12) and your story will have the same ending. Hugs!
Katie @ KatieEnPursuit says:
Sending prayers your way friend! Hang in there!
STUFT Mama says:
Praying praying praying………
Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen says:
I am thinking about you and your family, and this little one, now and will be as long as you need me to do so.
Congratulations. Nothing but blessings.
Andrea says:
You got it. Prayers for you and your whole family. Glad you had a weekend to get away and forget just for a bit. Thinking of you!
Amanda @runtothefinish says:
I fully understand the need to share and not share all in one breathe. I’ll be thinking of you and sending loads of love.
Maureen says:
Sending you love & hope this morning!
Amanda N says:
Lots of love and prayers your way this Monday!
Sarena (The Non-Dairy Queen) says:
My friend, I understand your pain, fear and wonder more than I care to remember, as this too has happened to me twice. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your littlest one. Many hugs Lindsay. xoxo
lynne @ lgsmash says:
sending love and positive thoughts your way!!!
Heather @ Rise & Shine Life says:
Started praying as soon as I read the title of this post & haven’t stopped! It’s 11, so your appt is probably over or wrapping up, but I am praying for health, His peace & that this ultrasound is the first of many to monitor the GROWTH of the sweet blessing inside!!
Deb D. says:
Awwwwe……I will be meeting your for the first time in a few short weeks. But from what I’ve been reading you are a very strong lady! Strength carries over to our little ones (beans and all) whether we realize it or not. Prayers for you and your family!
Brooke says:
Oh, Lindsay. My heart aches for you. It’s almost 11 your time now, so you’ve probably already had your ultrasound…but I’m praying. Praying that whatever the outcome, you feel His presence in a mighty way. I know your amazing heart for Him, and I know His desire to bless that heart beyond our understanding. Loving you, praying for you!!
Kim @ Wonderings says:
I so hope that this is the little one you have been waiting for. Good thoughts your way!
lindsay says:
So, so many prayers your way.
Heather @ Heather's Dish says:
Sending not only prayers but HOPE your way sweetheart. As I type this you probably know one way or another, but no matter what you are loved. Always.
Heather says:
Girl you know I’ve been praying for you… Haven’t stopped and won’t. I strangely read this at 10am and prayed for you through my entire run. Still praying. Looking forward to hearing how God answers. Cause he always does. Romans 8:28
Carissa says:
Sending love and the wonderful power of prayer your way.
Abigail says:
Sending prayers your way! Love you!
Amber H says:
Prayed for you!
Susie says:
Sending MUCH love and hope your way. Thinking of you lots, and crossing my fingers for your growing family. Please keep your friends out here posted – we love and care about you!!! xo
Suzi O says:
Oh my sweet girl! I am lifting you up right now at 1030am. I know that He loves you and He is in control. Peace to you and Travis. I love you both so much and wish I could hug you right now.
Sana says:
You and the little bean have my prayer. <3
Jennifer Speer says:
Done with much love and peace. ♡
Kim says:
Praying on this Monday for you!!!
Corrie Anne says:
Praying for you!!!!
MegG says:
Sending positive thought and love Lindsay. Stay strong.
Stephanie @ Athlete at Heart says:
SO MUCH LOVE coming your way. You will be in my prayers.
Katie says:
Thinking of you lots today…. I’ll continue to pray for you & your family.
Mollie @Sprinkles of Life says:
You are in my thoughts! I’ll be praying for good news at the ultrasound today!
Melissa @ Live, Love, & Run says:
Momma, you are my prayers. Hoping you hear good news today. <3
Jenn L @ Peas and Crayons says:
Hope there’s good news coming your way! We’ll all be thinking about you today <3
christieo says:
Sending you love and prayers Lindsay!!!!! xoxoxox
Pam Gordon says:
Congratulations!!! I will be sending lots of prayers your way!!!
Bonnie says:
Thank you so much for sharing, Lindsay…praying and thinking of you right now! Our God is greater… than the fear, the uncertainty, the unknown… even in the midst of the pain and confusion. I really believe that and have seen his faithfulness in our lives again and again. I know you have too. :) Love you so much… So sorry to hear of your pain, friend.
Christina says:
You’re in my thoughts! Sending light, love and lots of hope that all is okay!
Emily [Fit and Free with Emily] says:
Sending all the love and light I can muster, friend. <3
Sarah says:
Praying!! And believing in His bigness.
Amy B says:
Thanks for sharing Lindsay! I will be praying many prayers over you and your family! There is always purpose in God’s plan!
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
Jess says:
Much love and prayer coming your way my friend. xoxo
Carlyn @ Justkeepsweating says:
Sending you all the love and prayers <3
Tamara says:
Sending love and positive messages your way today Lindsay! Hugs!
Maren says:
Congratulations on the baby and I am thinking of you and your family! I will be praying for you all!
Clare @ Fitting It All In says:
SO many prayers Lindsay. And Love.
marie says:
Sending prayers and positivity!
Carly @ Snack Therapy says:
Sending lots of love, smiles, and positive thoughts this Monday!
Laura @ Mommy Run Fast says:
Praying for you, Lindsay… the pregnancy is wonderful news, I hope this little one is a fighter!
Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean says:
thinking of you!
Maureen @ Breaking Free & Finding Me says:
sending prayers and all sorts of good mojo your way xoxox
lindsay says:
hands folded, heart lifted, sending up prayers, now!! LOVE YOU!
Sara says:
Praying Praying to the Lord Most High. How great to know He is wrapping you and your family in His arms!
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table says:
So you being preggo makes Henry puke?! You have potent hormones, my friend. Lol!
Seriously. I am so happy for you guys. I will be thinking of you nonstop and sending all the bean-growing vibes I can muster. Love you!!!
Lee says:
I’ll be thinking of you Lindsay. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please email (or call!) me. I am here for you.
Miz says:
COMING COMING.
Sabrina says:
Sending prayers your way!
Nicole says:
Many prayers for you and your family
Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile says:
Sending many prayers your way! Stay positive <3
Danica @ It's Progression says:
just prayed for health and peace…HE has a big, beautiful plan for you and your family…
beccalou says:
Praying right now!
Nicole @ Curly Mommy says:
Saying prayers all morning for you Lindsay. Whatever happens, remember that you are loved by God, Travis, your children, and SO MANY others. You are NOT alone!!!! :)
Katie @ Peace Love & Oats says:
Oh Lindsay, I will definitely be praying for you and your little bean today, I’m sure this experience has been very trying for you and Travis and I hope you’re both able grow through the challenges He gives you (and that your little bean grows too!). And I 100% agree, flying is so reflective for me, especially heading out west when you can look down over all those beautiful mountains.
Tami Grandi says:
oh praying for you, for your family and for that little bean.
Michelle @ Eat Move Balance says:
I’m sending lots of prayers your way, Lindsay. God bless you and your family!