Yesterday I took Henry and Clara to the park.  I had a client cancel on me at the last minute, so it was a treat that neither I or the children had expected.  But, man, we all needed it.


As soon as we got out of the car and I put them on the swings, it was as if a darkness lifted.  The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and my kids were happy and right in front of my eyes.  I really took the time to LOOK at their little faces.  And I saw (I see) just how very much they’ve grown up.  Henry IS Travis, with his little impish grin and those wide Hobbit feet.  Clara, my sweet Clara with her long ponytail and pink cowboy boots (which I was informed are not, in fact, cowBOY boots.  They’re just GIRL boots.  Because Clara is a “gurl” – duh), will be THREE years old this August.  THREE!!  When did that little chubby-cheeked baby grow into a preschooler??


You always hear other moms giving advice on TIME.  “Cherish them while they’re little.  It’ll be gone before you know it.  Soak up this time!”

I heard it.

And I nodded.

And under my breath, amidst the diapers and the nursing and the constant battle between my desire for freedom and my children’s needs, I couldn’t help but mumble, “IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW HARD THIS IS, YOU’D WANT TO FAST FORWARD TO THE EASY PART TOO.”  I didn’t understand the sitting and the cherishing and the being present parts of motherhood.  From the start, when Henry was first born, we’ve been on the go.  “The mom who stays at home but is never actually AT home” – that’s me.  Workouts, clients, play groups, small group, church, worship team, lunches out.  Put the kids in the car (in a hurried manner, as I am always 10 minutes late) and zoom from one thing to the next.  A Zoom Zoom mom.


Here’s what’s easy – I can tell you guys to be more present and I can blog about my faith.  I think I’m fairly good at being an inspirational writer.  Just think of the most positive things, the most true and worthy things and write about those because a) we all need to hear them and b) no one can take offense to positivity – we all need it, we all crave it.  I’ve been writing for a year and a half now on how we need to slow down.  But I hadn’t really put that INTO MOTION in my own life.  I had been writing abstractly.

Then I got pregnant four months ago.  And I miscarried that precious baby.  And my heart broke.

And my life changed.

And I’m learning that I don’t want to be that Zoom Zoom Mom anymore and I don’t want to neglect these two children that I already have.  And I don’t want to look back at this time and wonder where it all went because I was too busy doing MY stuff.  Honestly, I really don’t know that I want to have any other job than just being a mom.  It is really what I was called to do.


I want to savor.  I want to pick flowers and try to decipher the long paragraphs that Clara spurts out sometimes.  I want to build Lego towers with my smart Henry and talk about how if he were miniature, he’d live right there in that Lego room.  I want to look my children in the face, REALLY look and see that they’re having a wonderful day with their mom (who btw is so incredibly blessed to get to stay home with them).

I want for time to stand still.  For my children to stay young and chubby and full of innocence.  And I want to be pregnant again.

With all my (broken) heart.


**An action plan is being developed.  And I’ll blog about it sometime next week.  For now, we’re off to the park again.

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  1. What beautiful thoughts from a beautiful mom, who knows (and believed in the truth of) her calling better than anyone I have ever heard speak. Your commitment to motherhood has always been inspiring, and the honesty with which you recognize areas of growth in your own life–not just in the lives of those who you encourage–is equally so! :)

  2. Thank you so much for posting this. I see so may of my friends that would fall in to the zoom zoom parent category. It always left me feeling like I should be doing more. I try to balance work, play dates, obligations as a single parent and often feel like I’m not doing enough. This really reminded me that I am and that taking that time to just look at her and how much she has grown is what I need to be doing. Thank you again for this. It really made me stop and think and appreciate what a wonderful little girl I have.

  3. I love this, Lindsay. I need to practice what I preach too — I just need to slow down and enjoy my life as it is now. As much as I feel I’m called to be a mom, I know that I am young and need to experience married life, with just my husband, for a little bit first. Instead, I am rushing through this part of life, just wondering what is next. Your kids are adorable — enjoy them :).

  4. This gave me chills. Sadly my kids are older now. I have a 12 year old and a 14 1/2 year old. My story as a stay at home mom is different and while I stayed home I was completely present. Mommy mush brain and all. I’m so incredibly thankful for that time with them. These little people that I made are completely a mix of my husband and I. Quite clearly the best things I’ve ever done. Sure, my career is a little behind now, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Definitely take this time to slow down and enjoy your family. You will NEVER regret that.

    As for your loss, I can completely relate with that. The loss of an unborn child is utterly heartbreaking and soul crushing. I lost two between my boys and I’m still not healed from it even though we ended up with a healthy baby boy in the end. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and I hope that you find your version of peace with it. I hope you have the pregnancy you want to add to your beautiful family. Keep your chin up Lindsay. You’re doing great. I hope you have an incredible weekend with your beautiful family.

  5. It seriously goes by SO fast, I can’t believe it. In just 6 short months I will no longer have children at home during the day. I will have a 6th grader, 3rd grader and a Kindergartner. It seems like I was just leaving my office job to become a stay at home mom and now my “baby” is 5. Crazy town.

  6. You are simply lovely. And I needed to hear (read) this and I need to DO it. Since I became a working mom, it’s almost gotten harder. Nights and weekends are so busy busy. I need to stop. My babies just turned 3 and 6. (and I SWEAR Norah and Clara could be soulmates. Heaven forbid I ever call anything she does “cool”…I hear “mommy, I’m a girl. I’m not cool. I’m beautiful.” yes, yes she is) They’re old. Thank you for this. And God bless your broken heart. He is doing amazing things with it.

  7. You should read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (if you haven’t already!). It’s a great memoir of woman’s life change in order to be happier. It’s basically, as the title states, a project for happiness, and she works on different parts of her life to get there: her work, marriage, children, money, etc. It’s very eye-opening and your story reminds me a lot like hers! I wish you the best of luck in finding what works for you and your wonderful family. :)

  8. It is so much harder than you’d think, to be that present, soak-it-up kind of mom. I’m working on it, too. And I know you are a better mom than you give yourself credit for- in the midst of your zoom-zooming, your kids know how much they are loved and cared for! Thanks for this timely reminder. xoxo

  9. YOU are a beautiful mom, person, and a wonderful friend!

    Always do what makes you happy <3 YES the kids grow up so FAST! Anthony will be 13 this month, it has flown by. I am cherishing every moment with him always, soon he will be off to college and I am not looking forward to that day, let me tell you! I will be a mess!

    Love you!

  10. I’m so sorry that this lesson had to be learned in such an awful way! My heart BREAKS for you!

    Thank you for being open enough to share your experiences with others. Hopefully your story can help others!! <3

    I'm happy you're taking time to enjoy your little blessings! I want to be a momma so badly, but for now I can live through people like you. ;)

  11. Yes! I have been where you are (and still am some days…). The thing is, it never really gets easier or less busy unless we MAKE IT SO!
    My kids are way past the diapers and preschool stages and yes, I have 6 whole hours without them during the day, but somehow, the afterschool and evening time just flies by with activities. My favourite time is nightly tuck ins; even with my 14 year old! 15 minutes to reconnect and slow down and savour! LOVE it!

  12. Hi Lindsay ~
    Your right.. savor this precious TIME!! Time is really what matters most. time to listen to them, time to hear them, time to spend with them reading books, playing, teaching, and loving them!

    My children are 18 and 14. This last December when our son turned 18 it was like a flood gate opened and all those memories I had tucked snugly away came flooding back.. all those 18 yrs.

    I understand how you feel. Parenting is exhausting work and the most important job EVER!!!! I can remember feeling like “can they just be teenagers” “can they just be grown up already” I don’t think that makes anyone a bad parent that just makes us real parents.. but now that that time is here I often find myself thinking

    “can’t they be 3 again and we can rock and read stories, I wish they were little again so I could see the wonder and awe in their eyes at the world around them and all those innocent moments”

    Cherish every moment even the exhausted, I wanna pull my hair our and duck tape them to the couch moments!! Before you know it they will be all grown up!

  13. Thanks for this Linds, it was beautiful and just what I needed to read. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, being a stay at home mom but then no being home. Always running around teaching an doing things. Trying to work it out so I have at least one day a week where I’m just mom, nothing else.

  14. This is beautiful and I love that you have not only found, but are passionate about your calling. “Her children rise up and call her blessed…”

  15. What a beautiful post, Lindsay. As I approach motherhood, this is something I want to keep in mind as we go about life. Thank you for the reminder to slow down and appreciate where we’re at in the moment because it all goes by SO fast. God has bigger and better plans than we can ever imagine. Hold on to that hope! xoxo

  16. Good for you, Lindsay! Don’t let this time get away from you TOO quickly. Because, I think, no matter what, we always look back and wonder where the time went. But at least to be aware of that, and make a point to be more present is the best we can do! ENJOY your weekend. :)

  17. Perspective is a funny thing. Now that my kids are tweens I look back and think maybe the baby/toddler years were the easy time and I missed it by looking forward. I love those unexpected days off though… they always end up being so precious.

  18. So true! I’ve been making more of my time off to do the same thing. It’s about us being really intentional as moms. As much as I want to go and do my own thing, what I really want is to HOLD as tight as I can to these moments. I made a pact with myself several weeks ago (probably after my miscarriage, too) to be intentional. To go sit and intentionally play, without the IPAD, TV or computer. It is making all the difference.