Thank you for all of your amazing comments on last Friday’s post. As I wrote it, I wept the entire time (in fact, I seem to be crying a lot these days – not always because I’m sad, but because I seem to be one of those people who saves up their tears and then, when the teeniest tiniest needle presses up against me, I gush out all the saved up tears. Anyone else a tear-hoarder like me? Bueller??)
If you missed that post, let me catch you up to date. I’m at a point in my life where I need to make some changes. It seems as though the World keeps pulling me outside of “The Home” (in quotations because “the home” can also be outside of the actual infrastructure of a house and on the playground, grocery store, church, etc). Work, this blog, freelance projects, shows – they all appeal to me greatly because I receive accolades and recognition. Wow. Typing that out, it makes it all very real and raw. Being a mother is the most amazing thing ever, but simply put, there isn’t very much room for selfishness if you want to pour your heart into it.
And I desperately want to pour my heart into these children.
(I’m not sure why this needs to be written, as I think you all know my heart and my disgust for judgment, but I’ll just go ahead and type it out as to not hurt anyone’s feelings – I’m making these changes for ME and MY family because I think they’ll work for ME and MY family. I could go on and on, but I’ll just leave it at that for today. I get exhausted at the thought of trying to please everyone. It’s actually very freeing to not have to worry about planning YOUR life for you – I can barely plan my own. 
)
To illustrate the problem, let me show you a typical day for us right now – the good and the bad, because I’m not trying to fool anybody:
- Wake up/Breakfast.
- Play around on the internet, while kids watch Super Why.
- Get everyone ready to leave (a job that takes 15 minutes, but that I allow 10 for).
- Train clients at the gym for 2 hours (kids in KidZone).
- Library time (this part of my day makes me feel better about my parenting).
- Home for lunch and naps (Clara naps, Henry reads or plays quietly in his room, I blog).
- Go to rehearsal/Zumba/or Worship team – dinner is squeezed in there somewhere.
- Home by 8pm to get ready for bed.
The part I don’t like about this schedule is that it feels like it’s selfish, very self involved. Henry and Clara are simply side kicks in the Lindsay show. I have simply AMAZING children, so I know that I’m doing something right and in these moments of raw honesty, I can be my worst critic. But still. At the end of most days, I know I could have been better. Been more present. More selfless with my time. (Does every mom feel this way??)
When something needs to be fixed, you don’t just abstractly talk about it. You DO it. You fix it. Or at least you TRY.
Here’s my ACTION PLAN:
- First (and probably the most difficult, as I am a sloth), I’m going to get my workouts done and out of the way BEFORE my children even wake up. Monday-Friday, I’ll now be going to the gym at 6AM. This way, my children will only be in KidZone for no more than 2 hours a day (most days only 1 hour).
- I’m declaring Sunday the “Day of Unplugging.” No iPhone, no Instagram, no computer, no blogging. A PURE family day.
- Pressure-less blogging = No more guilt if I don’t put up a post M-F. No more guilt period. This is a hobby, not my job.
- More structure with homeschooling. While Clara naps, Henry and I will homeschool.
Those are the steps. They’re small, but I purposely made them that way so that I could accomplish them. Today marks the first day of implementation, starting with an early gym time. Wish me luck.
Less of me and more of them. I like the sound of that.
QUESTION: Name one thing in your life that you need to be more focused at. Any tips for getting up super early to work out??
splendid…lindsay
Awesome post! I think you do plenty for your children and you don’t realise it. You’re a great mother Lindsay! You better believe it.
Small plans are definitely the way to start, and I love that Sunday is family day. We’ve made it that for us too, but I (well my hubs too) need to work on unplugging from it all. Your heart is where it needs to be, and your kids and family will see that. **mama hugs**
Yeah, Lindsay. I relate to this. One of my main goals for myself is to be more present with my daughter too. All of this is a good move. :)
I so love where your heart is. And, yes, I think every mom does feel this way! It’s so hard with me working now because my time physically with my kids is so limited, and there are so many other things that “need” to be done at the same time (dinner has to be made, lunches have to be made for the next day, laundry has to be done, etc). I love your idea of a technology-free Sunday. I think that is something I will be implementing as well. And I do early morning workouts MWF, and then get home to see my kids for a few minutes before I go to work and my oldest goes to Kindergarten. I still do a Saturday morning workout and usually one evening workout, but I try to get out of work early on that day. And I still hate to miss any extra moments with them! I often feel that they just get carted along on my life, and I HATE that feeling (I think that was even worse when I was a SAHM). I’m so exhausted, I set 2 alarms on my phone and one on my clock for my early morning workouts! I also set my clothes and everything I need out the night before.
Praying for you and your changes. And hooray to you for being a wonderful and loving mom!
Baby steps for your babies. Love your plan, and I love that it is not so dramatic that it won’t actually work.
I had to pick a spot in my life to be LESS focused on–numbers, in food (and consequently, exercise)–and although I didn’t write a specific plan, I can say it is never as easy as just saying you will (or won’t) do something. However, we all support you, and I KNOW Travis, Henry, and Clara support you (although Henry might wish he had more time to play and less time to ‘be schooled’). :)
Lindsay, I found your blog through the GPP Fitness website. And boy i’m glad I did. You seem like a girl with her priorities straight. My youngest is 4 (almost 5) so I am lucky enough to be able to take her to GPP with me while I do my workouts (which are no longer than 30 minutes) so I don’t get up early in the morning to do it. I do know that the times I have felt the most integrity and inner peace is when I have kept my actions in line with the true desires of my heart. It sounds like you know what you want. My only obvious suggestion: go to bed early(ish). Thank you for your thoughts.
well welcome, Kenzie!! You seem like you’re making some great choices too – it’s really the little choices that make a huge difference when it comes to quality time. i’m learning that.
A plan! Yipee! Plans (especially plans like this one) always make me feel more on-top-of-it. And yes, I think all mamas have guilt sometimes. At least I do!
Also, yay for morning workouts! You know I’m a fan. :-) Wish we could do that part of our day together.
oh man wish I had some really good advice to give you, but since I do not have kids I can only imagine what you are going through. The days I get to see my niece I do notice myself spending less time on computer and phone. It can be hard though because I feel guilty like I should be working not enjoying play time.
HUGS
I’m so thankful to have you as a friend! I love your heart, and you challenge me to be a better and more Godly wife. I look up to you so much as a Godly woman, mother, and wife! xoxo
Although I don’t have children, I’ve recently deemed Sunday a day of unplugging, too. A day to relax and spend with family! And although I’m not a parent, I see you as someone I’d aspire to for my future children (does that make sense??) even though I’ve never metcha in person. Otherwise said, I think you are a fabulous mom with a really good heart <3
I totally agree with everything you said! For lent, instead of giving up something random like chocolate, I decided I wanted to be more “present” with my kids. Not play with my iphone when we are “playing” in the playroom. I want to play WITH them, not have them play around me. I decided to allow myself 1 hour in the afternoons while my little one sleep and my older one has rest time (a show) to blog and be on the computer. And then again after i put them to bed around 815, i give myself until 9 IF i want, and then its time to be present with just my husband. When I write it out, that seems like more than enough ME time. I am not going to be able to re-live their childhood, I’ll have plenty of time when they’re grown to mess around on the computer and be more selfish.
Those are great steps and I love your intentions. You are a fantastic mother and even more fantastic for realizing you want to change something.
Great post, so honest. I’m glad you are staying true to yourself and seeing things as they are. I know you are a GREAT mom just by writing this, you are very selfless just by thinking this way! I may not be a mother, but that puts me at an objective advantage – I see things for how they are, and truthfully, I think you are doing a great job and your children are lucky to have you as their mommy.
I’m glad you are putting more focus on your family though if you felt this way. It’s a great thing that you are willing to improve rather than stress yourself out further and just worry about stuff in your head. If you don’t like something, DO something – and I’m so happy you are one of those people who just get it done. I look up to you :)
Also, I think not blogging every day is better. For me at least, I used to blog M-F but it was starting to get annoying and exhausting, there are only so many hours in a day. Now I blog about 3 times a week and I love it, I can make each post more thought out and I am more proud of each. I find that quality always trumps quantity. So don’t worry if you don’t post every day, I think it’s awesome :) Family and self comes first. Blogging later.
You are 100% completely honest, and that’s why I love reading and keep coming back to your blog. I think if you’re getting up early to workout, pack your gym back the night before. It’s miserable trying to scramble in the morning – you’ll end up being late or forgetting something. Happens all the time to me!
This is a great post–and so honest!
My mom was a full-time mother & it was amazing. I am SO blessed to have a mother who knew what is most important–BEING there for her kids. I have 9 siblings and I gotta say, they’re all amazing too. It comes down to parenting & BEING there for the kids….which is why I am so scared for some kids who grow up in homes where there are no parents there or they’re glued to technology & screens. so sad to me. KUDOS to you for trying your best to be there for them!!! :) xo
What a great plan. I am expecting my first child and looking forward to finding this balance between work, blogging, marriage, and mothering : )
Lay out your clothes next to the bed or in the bathroom; set the coffee timer to go off nice and early; and just do it! It definitely isn’t easy and takes some time, but just like everything else, you will get into the routine and your body will too. Good luck! I love working out early. It’s such a fabulous way to start the day. XOXO
You have your heart in the right place and you are totally reminding me that I need to get mine in that place too! Sending love and mama mojo your way!
Good call! Since, ya know, being a momma is your job and blogging isn’t. I like this plan.
Chris and I have this talk a few times. We now BOTH unplug most nights by 9PM (late because we are night owls and stay up until 10:30+) to spend time with each other. I too am trying to get up before Em now and get my “work” done so I don’t have as much time on the computer. Since I just have her I push a lot of my chores to her nap time. The homily at our church yesterday was all about being PRESENT and it made me really think about how present we are. Great post!
I agree with the other moms- it is very common to have these feelings, and I think working moms tend to struggle with this guilt even more. I love your ideas, small steps are the way to go. And honestly, I also think that some of us need to continue to use our gifts as well, even while parenting, in small ways that don’t overtake our day and our time with our kids. You’re a wise and caring mama- your kids are very blessed!
Beautiful post, very reasonable goals, I love your focus! You are a great mom. :)
This is a great post, and I totally needed to hear that someone is struggling just like I am. I’ve been working part time for a couple of years, and while on paper, it seems as though my schedule is ideal, in real life, it always seems rushed. I always either feel like I’m neglecting my kids or neglecting my work. I hope that you find a balance that works for you!
i think its great that you’re making it a point to make time for your kids! i love it :) and i give credit to moms like crazy because i’m a selfish brat and i would never be able to have kids at this point in my life! i think you should make time for weekly mani/pedis in there sometime ;) :)
Oh goodness getting up early to work out! It’s the best and the worst.
The best because it’s done and you can’t talk yourself out of it later, but it’s so easy to hit “snooze” when you don’t REALLY have to get up early.
Some thing that work for me:
-Working out with someone. I HATE letting people down, so this works 99% of the time.
-Having everything ready the night before so you go to bed knowing you’re going to get up early and kick butt. This includes knowing what you’re going to snack on before hand, water bottle, clothes, etc.
-Setting more than one alarm. But I do than anyways. ;)
I hope you get more of your family time in and/or that you feel better about who you are as a mom. Having good kids is kind of a clue that you are an awesome mom, but I know that perspective is everything.
Love you and your heart-felt posts! <3
I don’t have children, but both of my parents worked full days while I was a child. We spent most of the day either at our aunts/grandma’s house and I never felt as if I was missing out on time with my parents. I think kids adjust, and the time they are away from parents also gives them an opportunity to grow and become independent. My younger brother and I really learned to rely on one another for company and “playtime” and this is a bond that has carried over into our adult life. Even when your kids are at “kidzone” they’re most likely spending time interacting and playing with other children, which is a great opportunity especially for home schooled children who may not get daily interaction from children at school.
I think you seem to be a great mother and a lot of what you accomplish for your children, I know most mothers only wish they could do.
thank you so much!
I completely agree. My parents both worked full-time and they divorced when I was about 5 years old, so I spent lots of time being watched by my granny, aunts, etc. However, I didn’t grow up feeling neglected. Nor do I look back on my childhood feeling like I was neglected. My parents loved me and let me know that, and they made time for me when they could. Just know that your hard work and efforts aren’t going unnoticed. Your children know you love them and care for them and that they are a priority.
As for early morning working out, it’s tough but worth it. It’s an AMAZING feeling to get it outta the way so early, but it takes discipline. Go to bed early to ensure you get enough sleep (even if you have trouble falling asleep, as long as you have physically put yourself to bed early enough, you’ll get enough rest to not feel like death the next day), and make it a habit to get up right away when your alarm goes off. It’s tough and never really gets “easy,” but it does soon become an instinctive routine…
You’re doing a wonderful job and good luck!
My morning workout tips are 1) get up immediately! Lingering in bed makes it so much harder, and 2) lay out your stuff the night before so you don’t have to think, you just get dressed and go! I fully support all these changes and YOU! You seem like such an amazing and loving mom, and never feel guilty about not posting every day, I’ll still be here :)
I admire you for doing what’s best for you and your family! I’ve never actually MET you, but I have no doubt you are an amazing mommy!
I think this why i made my word of the year purpose. It has reminded me that each choice is about getting closer to or farther from my ultimate goals…not always easy, but well worth it.
I’m not a mom, but I can say that both of my parents worked full-time, 9-5’ers throughout my childhood, and I NEVER felt as though they were being selfish. Despite the fact that I had to go to after school care every day, it never even crossed my mind! I think you parent-types beat yourselves up! Give yourself a break, you won’t screw up your kids too badly ;).
Kidding, kidding, but really! Your plan sounds fabulous and totally doable. Good luck!
I totally get this Lindsay, especially “At the end of most days, I know I could have been better. Been more present. More selfless with my time.” Yes, I do believe that every mother feels this way. There’s always something that I know that I could have done better or I could have reacted in a different way or I should be more present with my kids. But I think that recognizing this and being aware of it is a big part of the puzzle – not a lot of people are. You are an amazing mother and wife and friend and person in general – that parts clearly shines through your words, spirit and in person. Love you plan and how it fits YOU and YOUR family – that’s the most important part, right? Hugs to you.
I think you’re right in assuming that every mother, at least once, as felt this way. I think the thing we have to remember is that yes, we’re moms, but that doesn’t mean life stops for us. We’re not JUST moms. We’re wives. We’re friends. We’re sisters. We’re career women. We’re WOMEN. Just plain and simple. Yes, our most important job is “mother”, but you cannot feel selfish for being YOU, too. It’s all about finding balance. Readjusting your schedule will definitely make you feel better, but don’t be so hard on yourself. They look like VERY happy children to me. <3
LOVE YOU AND THIS!!!
I definitely spend a lot of time on the computer. Itz my “me” time after work to relax, but sometimes Jonny and I go to bed and itz like oh hello I haven’t seen you all day even though we’ve both been home. I’ll work on that. THanks!
I am not a mother yet, but hope to be soon and I just hate the pressure that is put on mothers regardless of their mothering choices. When I read your schedule, I didn’t think that it sounded selfish at all, but I understand why you want more time with your kiddos if you can get it. Just think of all those moms who can’t be with their kiddos lunch/naps or can’t take them along to their own activities because they don’t have the flexibility. AND there’s certainly nothing wrong with not be able to do that, either. Parenting sounds like the hardest job of all and there just can’t be a one size fits all/black and white way of doing things. I hope your new schedule eases your stress and lets you feel more present. You already seem like a great mom, though.
Lindsay, I haven’t been reading this blog too long but one thing I know: You are an amazing caring mother and this plan proves, yet again, that you are committed to loving those children. Your desire to focus–refocus–is an amazing model for me. I have a few things with grad school that I’ve just let slip by because I don’t know what to do! Avoidance, much? ;) Anyhoo, I’m going to get crackin’ now. Thanks for another great post.
Oh, for about 2 years I got up at 5:30am for a bootcamp and ended up LOVING it. I wish I could get back into it… The first week might be hard but after a while your body gets used to it.
I ADORE YOU and am so so so in to help if I can!!
especially with the early rising :-)
I think this is a great plan – but don’t feel the mommy guilt! You’re an amazing mother, and I know the kids love spending every moment they get with yoU!!
Girl, I’m sending so many positive thoughts your way. I know you can tackle this with great strides! I was all about early morning workouts and with my current schedule, it’s something I’ve lost the habit. But that was the biggest thing for me, making it a HABIT and a part of my morning ROUTINE. Yes it often means I’m tired and ready for bed a lot earlier, but I always felt so much more productive with my days.
Now as for something I’m trying to focus on – my career. I’m in my 20s, single and without children, this is the time that I’m ALLOWED to be selfish and work on the things that I want and need to. Right now that’s getting my career back and my finances in order. I know I can do it, I just need a good kick in the butt sometimes.