I’m easing back into normal life right now.

And while part of me is still grieving, MOST of me is completely at PEACE.  Like it’s almost eerie and I know it’s not from me.  It’s God-given.  Quite literally, I am in a place where I feel a PEACE that surpasses all my understanding (and I know you’ve heard that scripture before).  I’m so thankful for it, because my tendency is to release myself to heightened emotions.

Some truths:

  • I miscarried at 10 weeks.
  • I still don’t understand why.  I never will.
  • Miscarrying one child does not mean that I’ll never get pregnant again.  I know we’ll get pregnant again.
  • I know that even if we don’t, there are children in our future via adoption.
  • I know that more hardships will come.  And I know that I’m armed and ready for them.  That’s what faith will give you – TENACITY.

013

After 10 weeks of being pregnant, my body had a lot of hormones and changes that happened.  Some more truths:

  • I was sick every day (as you know because I complained about it every day).  I was left with no appetite.
  • I haven’t eaten a single vegetable in three weeks.
  • My abdomen started to get a little rounder – not fat by any means, just a little softer.
  • My breasts are sore.
  • I’m healing from the D & C.
  • I lost probably 5-8 pounds, give or take.  I notice it in my legs.
  • I lost strength (physically).
  • I gained strength (mentally).
  • I haven’t broken a sweat in three weeks.  Aside from walking, there has been very little activity.
  • My body is dehydrated.
  • With my heightened sense of smell, I haven’t opened my refrigerator in three weeks.  The pantry either.
  • My family has suffered right along with me.  The kids were more on edge.  Travis had to step up to fill in the gaps that I had left.
  • My co-workers have had to pick up my slack too.  I’m so thankful for my team at the gym.

TOTALLY NOT COOL!!  Reading back over all of that stuff is so dang depressing.  I’m ready for NORMAL.  I NEED NORMAL.

So what does “normal” even look like??  I’ve almost forgotten.

Here’s how I’m taking back my life.  Taking back my normal.

Family

Like I said before, things have been rough around the house for the last three weeks.  Family meals have taken a backseat to quick (odorless) foods like cereal or string cheese – yes, that was a meal to me.  I’ve just barely managed to keep the house clean – Travis has had much more on his plate.  Homeschooling has not happened in two weeks.

Taking Back Normal:

  • Start back with homeschooling (15 minute segments – 4-5 times per day).
  • Take back over all of my chores/housework.
  • Start packing for our move to the new house.
  • Kiss/hug my husband daily (I honestly couldn’t really stand the smell of him.  He smells superb again.)
  • Cook more meals at home.

 

Cute Kid, Static Hair

Workouts

My plan is to “ease” back into fitness by not really easing back into it.  Smile  I woke up yesterday with more energy than I’ve had in long time and I definitely took it out on my body.  I did a “500 rep” workout and finished with a Burpee EMOM.

004

 

If you don’t know what an “EMOM” workout is, all it stands for is Every Minute On The Minute.  So yesterday, I did 14 burpees (Crossfit-style) starting at every minute mark.  With whatever time you have left in the minute, you catch your breath, then go again when the next minute hits.

The 500 workout + Finisher took me around 40 minutes.  It was great, sweaty fun.  Then I taught Aqua Power for an hour.

Easing back in….riiiight.

Taking Back Normal:

  • Do whatever my body can handle and that will make me happy mentally.
  • Rest 2x per week.
  • Avoid over-exercising.

Eats

I finally have my appetite back!!!  It’s amazing really and I’m finding myself ravenous – I love it.

008

Thank you for the meal, Susanna!

Taking Back Normal:

  • Eat more vegetables.
  • Drink 100 ounces of water per day.
  • Minimize eating out.
  • Eat lots of ice cream and sweets.

Attitude

I’m slowly regaining my perky attitude.  I’d honestly been depressed with my all-day nausea and it was effecting every aspect of my life.  I finally feel like a fog has lifted!  In the last two days, I’ve felt more like myself – and I like myself, so that was needed.

009

Taking Back Normal:

  • Be thankful.  Be generous.
  • Continue to read my Bible daily (it’s amazing how we turn to the Bible through hardships but less when we are riding high.  I don’t want to be a fair weather Christian.)
  • Be awesome.

———–

Actually, that last point, “Be Awesome” – that’s the very definition of NORMAL to me.  I excel at it.  ;)

QUESTION:  What does “normal” look like for your life?  What’s your favorite way to get back to “normal”?

splendid…lindsay

  1. Jentry Nielsen says:

    Lindsay your strength is such an inspiration! You amaze me!

    “God gives the toughest challenges to those he knows are strong enough to handle them.” I think this quote truly describes you! Sure hope your life gets back to normal for you soon! :)

  2. Susan says:

    Love you Lindsay. I have no idea what it’s like to go through something like this, but I imagine it is heartbreaking and just really, really hard. We handle things the best way we know how, and I hope you can find a lot of comfort in your faith, family, and inherent awesomeness. Kind of reminds me of this funny clip that I always used to say to myself when I was sick: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_iCxiWtk90

    Enjoy some turkey and gravy this long weekend! Soak up the little things and blessings you do have xoxoxo

  3. jobo says:

    Slowly but surely, you’re getting back to normal, and proving that faith and strength can get you through anything. I crave normalcy too, and that includes routine, and you are getting back to routine and sometimes even the most mundane can feel like a blessing, can’t it? Hug.

  4. Pavement Runner says:

    I’m not really sure what to say. I’m glad you are getting back to “normal.” I’m sorry that this happened, if you can or should be sorry. I’m typing as thoughts are coming so this might not make sense. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m thinking of you and sending thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

  5. Lisa @ RunWiki says:

    My heart aches for yours. I know first hand what it’s like to experience miscarriage. I had 7 before, the doctors found out was was wrong and then I got pregnant with my first son. You’re an inspiration for bouncing back so soon. There are no answers or comforting words… just that I am sorry and you’re not alone. Huge hug! One step at time.

  6. Tina @ Best Body Fitness says:

    We are so alike. I have to get back to as “normal” as possible to even being healing and moving on. It helps me cope tremendously. I think it’s wonderful you’re wanting to honor your grieving heart but also your life and continuing with perseverance to live as well as possible. Hugs! Take things day by day focusing on the things that matter most and letting the rest kind of fall into place. Or on the floor, as toys may do. And that’s okay. ;)

  7. Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie says:

    I’m so glad to hear you are keeping such a positive attitude in the midst of such hardship. Sending all good thoughts your way! <3

    Also, I have never been pregnant and don't plan on being pregnant for a few years but I was talking to my stepmom about pregnancies (she has a grown boy and girl) and she revealed she had a miscarriage in the first trimester of pregnancy between the birth of her two children. She is a nurse and said during the pregnancy she knew something was wrong, everything felt off, she was sick all the time, it just didn't feel right. After she lost the baby she got really depressed, what helped her get through it was researching medically why unexplained miscarriages like that can happen. She said she found out that miscarriages are sometimes natures way of ending a pregnancy that wasn't developing correctly, or that would have developed with major life-threatening complications. I hope this wasn't wrong to share, and I really hope it doesn't upset you. As I said I've never been pregnant so I have no idea what would or wouldn't upset someone going through this but she found comfort in her findings so I just thought I'd share in hopes that it would maybe give comfort to you too. <3

  8. Brianna Williams says:

    So glad to hear that you are feeling better. When I think of you, I keep hearing “Desert Song” by Hillsong. Not sure if you’ve heard it, but my favorite part is when it says “all of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship.” You are truly living that out and it so great to see Christ shining through your life.

    • lorie says:

      This song makes me cry because you see the girl next to Brooke singing on the right is my dear friend Jill. She lost her first baby Max and she recorded shortly after, standing on His word worshiping in the storm. Look up her blog and you can read her incredible story. Lindsay you are an amazing woman of God and I know He is near you and I am praying for you as you walk this out. May His word speak comfort and life over you.

  9. Ellie@Fit for the Soul says:

    Lindsay…I don’t know what else to say but this–you are one of my newest role models! Not only because you do your best to bounce back to NORMAL and by being so positive, but your love for the Lord is contagious, like a candle light lighting up another candle wick. It’s so rare for me to see believers who are actually victorious in the midst of trials (sadly), and seeing your trust in Him just proves how good He is, not that He needs any proof anyway. :P

  10. Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen says:

    I am glad you are feeling peace, and through that peace…normalcy. Normalcy can be, I think, underrated, and something I don’t always feel or express gratitude for. I guess it takes something so far OUT of ‘normal’ to make you appreciate it. Isn’t that the truth with everything, though? “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” At least now you have the option of getting it back. :)

  11. Kammie @ Sensual Appeal says:

    I’m glad you’re taking it back to “normal”. I’m glad you’re feeling better and willing to work on getting back on track with life. I’m so sorry to hear about what has happened but I’m happy to hear you’ve had people that were there for you through this difficult time. Keep staying strong and normal will return in no time. You are incredibly strong and I’m sure a LOT of women are so thankful for you posting this and talking about this. So way to go! xo

  12. Lisa says:

    This is great to hear. I’m happy to hear you are letting yourself return to those normal activities. I’m glad your spice for life and food is coming back and that your love for exercise is clearly still there;) You are amazing, and it’s so great you are choosing joy rather than sulking in sorrow! Such a great attitude! xo

  13. Sharla says:

    Glad you’re feeling a little better. I love how “eating lots of ice cream and sweets” is part of your taking back normal!! I haven’t felt normal…well ever, but what is normal really? For the people I know it’s always being a little crazy!! Praying for you girl.

  14. Bonnie says:

    This is so good for my heart to read! I’ve been thinking about you constantly and praying for you in this time, Lindsay…thanks for being honest, real and letting us in on this journey. I’m super glad you’re actually feeling so much peace and almost back to “normal” (after some of the things we’ve been through, we know there’s no real “normal” and things never go back to “normal” after a hard life event – they just shift slightly). Praise God! Glad you’re going back into “life” with such solid goals before you (eating well + sweets (ha!), avoiding overexercising, etc) and Travis sounds like he’s been amazing.

    Great to read this update!

  15. Katie says:

    Sounds about right that you did a 500 rep workout and a burpee EMOM. That’s the normal Lindsay that we know and love!

    I kid, I kid. I’m so glad you have your energy and your appetite back. I love you and you are a blessing to me and so many others through your choice of joy!

  16. Danielle says:

    You are amazing and such an inspiration! I have no doubt that you will be back to “normal” very soon! You are the complete model of tenacity, hope, and inspiration.

  17. Heather says:

    oh girl I am so so sorry I had no idea. You are so strong! We have been going through some tough things too that leave me asking “why” and I keep reminding myself that when bad things happen, God is working behind the scenes to make us more like Him, and if we respond right, He will bless us! So now, as hard as it is, when something bad happens I try and get excited b/c I know something powerful is in store if I can just hang in there! Big hugs.

  18. Becky Przy says:

    Love the word ‘tenacity’ I don’t think it gets used enough!
    Great question: what is normal? Right now I am going through some things where I am having to change ‘normal’ which is uncomfortable, hard, and some days I just don’t want to change. Thankfully, through all of it, my relationship with God has gotten stronger and it has become more normal to lean on Him than give up (or complain and whine about it)

  19. Natalie @ FreshLifeFindings says:

    I am so encouraged by you! I love that even in the midst of your hardship you are always looking for the positive. I hope you have a great holiday with your family and enjoy getting back to “normal” :) Ice cream and sweets should do the trick :)

  20. Katie @ Talk Less, Say More says:

    You are such a strong and beautiful person Lindsay. I love your ability to bounce back and really have a positive outlook; I can only imagine how hard this must have been for you but it does prove your STRENGTH. I’m continuing to send you love and well wishes that you can return to normalcy.

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