I’ve already written a variation of this post before.
(and did you know that the phrase, “Why Should I Have Kids,” is one of the most highly searched for terms that bring people to Lindsay’s List!?!! ….“Hot sexy mom” is on the list too. Apparently having children makes you hot.)
After watching Matilda (yes, Matilda – the movie for kids with Danny Devito – the one where Matilda is neglected), I feel like screaming this out.
CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING.
And they shouldn’t be killed in the womb.
And they shouldn’t be neglected.
And I’m tired of hearing married people worried about having them.
Scheduling them out, wishing for a certain sex, being disappointed when it doesn’t all turn out as planned.
CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING.
Not a hassle.
Not an obligation.
Not something to be sshhh’ed in a restaurant.
Or prettied up for church….prettied up for God.
CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING.
They should feel unabashed love.
Belonging.
Security.
They should feel like they have a purpose.
Like they weren’t some accident because you had too many beers one night.
CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING.
YOU WERE A CHILD ONCE.
Treat a child how you would like to be treated. Treat your own children how you would like to be treated.
Like a blessing.
I have great kids (and hope to have many more!). I love them. I treat them with respect. I SPANK them. And I will always protect them.
When we treat children as trivial things that can be abused, mistreated, thrown away, we lose a piece of our humanity.
You want to change the world? It starts at home. With our words and our actions. With our thoughts on children being a blessing or a curse.
Treat these little ones like they are the most amazing things you’ve ever witnessed….
…and they will rise up and BE the most things you’ve ever witnessed.
– me.
QUESTION: Answer this question: Why WOULD someone choose to have children??
splendid…lindsay
Lindsay – I absolutely agree with this post. Children and family are a blessing and I would love to have children someday. However, I am one of those married people that worries about getting pregnant. I have my reasons for not wanting children right now and I truly believe its the right decision and in the best interests of my future child. Your judgement in this post hurts.
That said, you are a beautiful and inspirational woman, but please remember that there are situations that you do not know about and to please be compassionate instead of passing judgement.
Why would you be annoyed with married couples who worry about having kids? The reason that so many people treat their kids like an annoyance or the reason they mistreat them is because they don’t treat parenthood like the enormous responsibility that it is. People who can’t take care of kids or love them like they should shouldn’t be having them. I am married and my husband and I are worried about when to have kids. I had a less than desirable childhood because my I was last on my mother’s priority list. Whenever my husband and I DO have kids, it will be because we are ready for that challenge. When I do get pregnant, even though I will be happy, I am sure that I will be terrified. Frankly, I think if you have kids and you AREN’T worried, then something’s wrong.
and this is why i love you, friend! i’m totally out of the loop right now, but i’m still stopping by, seeing you do big things :)
Is it ridiculous this post brought tears to my eyes?
As a teacher, I see SO many children who seem to be treated like an annoyance by their parents. It continually breaks my heart. I wish they could see what a BLESSING they have. I make it my purpose to show my students that even if that’s not how they’re viewed at home, at school their teacher truly knows they’re beautiful, talented, intelligent, wonderful people.
…And as a married woman, this post makes me want that first baby NOW! :)
What an awesome blog post – everybody should read it!
What a great blog post – everyone should read it!! :)
exactly. I wish more girls like me (teen moms) could see this, and that more people felt this. all of my little blessings came exactly when and how they should have (even when I didn’t feel like it). xo
Hi Lindsay, I love your blog and I hope this comment comes off as respectful as I intend it to be. We’re all entitled to our own beliefs, no question.
Where I live, in a very high-poverty area where there is not a lot of work, and almost no one has insurance, and it’s very hard to control your reproduction (the risk of being sexually assaulted is very high for every woman, it’s very hard to get birth control, a lot of young girls are in coercive relationships where they are told they don’t have a right to say no to their boyfriends). For women that become pregnant here, though children are definitely a blessing for someone who is ready for them, they can be very much the opposite for someone who is NOT ready for them and who didn’t conceive one willingly and intentionally. I’m pro-choice myself, and I respect your views, but poverty is an enormous barrier to having children actually be a blessing as they should be.
I also wonder why the state doesn’t do more to help children living in poverty. My state, Michigan, has actually just taken a number of measures to make sure children in poverty don’t have adequate food, housing, education, etc. Yet most of those politicians are ardently ‘pro-life’, when it comes to women and unplanned pregnancies.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for sharing and I will be reading. :)
Well, not everyone is meant to be a parent, that is truth. Some people are just meant to be cool aunts/uncles and love on others’ kiddos. I do know what you mean though about the trend of people viewing them as an inconvenience. It’s sad when we as a society start thinking that.
BUT I can’t wait to have some little beauties of my own! For now I will stick to babysitting and holding my friends new little babes. :)
I really think you should write a post explaining how you discipline your children…I think some people get the wrong idea with the word “spanking.” The thought process, the method, everything. There is definitely a balance when it comes to disciplining…too little discipline is just as bad as not enough.
Curious as to what your thoughts are on people going to extra lengths to have children – like egg or embryo freezing? I ask because I will likely go through menopause in the next few years due to chemo, and all the women I know in the same situation are doing some kind of fertility preservation. I can’t do it though. I kind of feel like that maybe after going through everything, I’m just not meant to have kids, and I don’t want to force something that’s unnatural. (although under that definition, chemo is unnatural, so what do I know!)
I love love love this post!! I am so THANKFUL that my parents spanked me as a child. And, as an elementary teacher, I see what happens to the children who merely get a “stern talking to” as punishment. They are rotten! But yours are adorable and will surely grow up to be wonderful people!! I can’t wait to have my own little blessings!! :)
Love this post! I had to read it after your instagram post. I would like to say I believe in disciplining my children and sometimes that means spanking them and sometimes it means no movie, whatever is appropriate and will make sure my kids know that they need to think about what they are doing. As for the child abuse comment, I believe it is child abuse not to discipline. Child abuse is not loving your child enough to teach them right from wrong and that commenter is part of the problem with today’s youth not being respectful.
They r a blessing but u spank them? You adore them but spank them? Wow. That doesn’t make a lot of sense now does it? I tell me kids not to hit others and I am their role model.
I agree with mostly everything in ur post except the spank them part.
Shame on you.
Where I live thats called abuse. Look it up
Just a side comment, my parents both spanked me, and my stepdad too. I knew what I was acting out, knew I wasn’t supposed to act that way, did it anyway, and was spanked. There weren’t too many times where I pushed the boundaries to force a spanking (though it did happen), but it also let me know who was “boss”. I am so grateful that my parents showered me with love, and also showed me there were boundaries and I needed to respect them. They never beat me, they busted my butt. I didn’t die, I am not living in a gutter due to emotional trauma, etc. Your comment is somewhat ignorant, it is fine for you to parent how you see fit, but to call someone abusive because of discipline that is needed at some point or another, is wrong and bullying.
If I didn’t have boundaries, I wouldn’t be where I am, a successful Neurologist and Geneticist. My parents loved me so much, but they knew when to set down the rules, and if I didn’t obey them, we both knew what would happen, and believe it or not, for all the “abuse” I took from them, I respect and love them even more for being a parent when so many today are a friend or afraid to parent.
Hi,
I am a sociologist and I randomly stumbled across this blog post through another blog. I would just like to make a quick clarifying comment about spanking.
While Julie (and many other readers) may have experienced spanking during their childhood and turned out fine physically and emotionally, scientists know that one anecdotal story cannot generalize to the population at large. Many factors including age of the parents, genetic characteristics, and socio-economic status means that children who are spanked can have various life outcomes.
One theory posits that showing a child to respect you through violence allows them to associate love with violence, which could make them more susceptible to abusive relationships. While this is not always the case, I get upset when people say, “I was spanked and I turned out fine”. One story does not make a justification.
I hope this post moves people to do some research about the effects of spanking on children.
i agree 100% with how children should be treated. i am a teacher, aunt, and godmother… i love all these roles and treat all the children in my life with love, understanding, and respect. i feel blessed they are a part of my life. BUT what i don’t understand is why i am made to feel less of a person because i CHOSE to not have children. or i am missing out. who are you to judge me for that choice?
I’m sorry if you read my words and felt any sort of judgment. None was made. Nor did I speak in any sense about you being less of a person.
I LOVE this! Thank you for just saying it! My kids are the most challenging but awesome blessing, it’s the coolest thing ever to be their mom! I wish every kid could feel the security of having their parents love them and see them for the awesome blessings they are.
Amen! Children are a blessing!! I was raised in a home where my parents believe this 100%- and still do today- 12 children later!!
This world we live in has so many twisted perspectives and one of the biggest ones is how we view children. While I don’t believe that God calls everyone to parenthood, I am grateful for parents who cherish children as God cherishes us!
I truly believe that parents are a blessing as well. I know mine are for sure :)
I love this and could not agree more. As crazy as mine make me… I am even crazier without them :)
I love this post. I know some people feel differently, but I agree with you 100000%. Although we don’t have kids of our own yet (still praying), I love spending my day with children and seeing the world through their eyes as their teacher. They seriously complete me.
For the longest time I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to have kids. Then one day, it hit me that YES I wanted to have that blessing brought into my life. I can’t imagine life without my kids. They have brought so much more to my (our) life than I ever thought was possible.
Answer to your question: Why wouldn’t someone choose to have kids. Even though I had my son “at the wrong time” he is my greatest joy and I cannot imagine my life without him for a single minute! Love this post!
Shouting AMEN from the rooftops!!!
I’m sitting here watching Wes sleep and just praising God for the blessing that he is. When we started trying to have kids it was because we didn’t want to be older parents, but now that we have Wes I want nothing more than to have as many kids as possible (both biological and adopted) to love and raise to love the Lord. I have never felt so much love for God, for my husband, for my body as I did when Weston came!
i love how much you love your son. that’s how God loves us – amazing!
I love this post and I like the fact you admit to spanking your kids. I do as well and I never hear any of my friends say that they do! I love my kids they teach me something new everyday.
i’m a firm believer in spanking. never in anger. but yes, we spank!
I grew up in Germany and my husband is Swedish. In both Germany and Sweden and many other countries of the world, spanking is illegal!
I personally would never never even consider corporal punishment for my son.
Of course, every parent has to choose for themselves ho to raise their children, but I was shocked to see that spanking seems to be common practice in North America (I live in Canada).
Sorry, and I know that there are many moms out there that want to disagree with me right now, but I found the post hypocritical, because why would anyone physically and emotionally hurt a loved one, regardless of age?
Susan, I certainly don’t view the spanking that I do as corporal punishment. I see it as child training. The very first rule in child training is to never spank in anger. If I’m angry or mad, I don’t spank.
The Bible (what I base most of my life off) has MANY verses in favor of disciplining children through spanking. That’s what I base my parenting off of. Am I correct in assuming that you aren’t a Christian?
I don’t think my religious beliefs have anything to do with my opinion, but most (if not all) Western European countries’ religious histories are based on Christianity, yet spanking is against the law in many of the countries. I’m not saying no one does it. But if children were to turn to the law, it would protect them.
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 7:12
I personally don’t see “training” by spanking any different from “disciplining” or “punishing” through other forms of physical violence, but that’s my personal view on this topic.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the topic! I guess there wouldn’t be any discussion if we all did the same things the same way in life! I hope my earlier comment wasn’t offensive, it was just my first reaction to the post. :)
Although I am sure that you do not always default to spanking, I am so surprised that, being the Christian woman that you are, you cannot find an alternate way to discipline your children 100% of the time. Your entire post was negated when you said you spank. How can one support loving and caring yet purposely make your children feel uncomfortable (not hurt or injured as in abuse) by spanking?
well said!!! totally agree with you. I feel so blessed to have my niece in my life. Kids are amazing!!
Beautiful post. And smacked me back into perspective and reality…children should always be welcomed as a blessing, no accidents, no nothing. One day, when it’s meant to, I’ll keep this very mantra in mind. Thank you!
You know I love kids, but I’m still not sure that everyone should have them. There are too many examples of people who have them because they think they should and those poor kids aren’t given the life they deserve. I would NEVER condone ending a pregnancy that wasn’t planned, but I think it’s responsible of people to really pray about the decision and make sure it’s something that God has in mind, before jumping in. For now, I’m happy to love on other people’s kids until God shows me that it’s something I should do (if that happens).
I’m glad I saw your response, Heather. I completely agree. I love my daughter, but I would never assume that everyone *should* have a child. I hope no one feels ashamed if they truly do not wish to have children, or they believe it is not God’s calling for them. We shouldn’t pass judgement.
Hallelujah and Amen!! Blessings beyond blessings. Grace upon grace. I never knew how much God loved me until he gave me a child to call my own for a little while. I hope for a handful of these little blessings!
:) I’m hoping for a couple blessings in the future.
And that picture of Clara? ADORABLE.
If everyone felt this way people would be much better parents. Your blessings are adorable.
They really are a blessing! Let’s be honest, no idea why I’m in law school because all I’ve ever really wanted to do is be a stay at home mom… Like since I was 10.
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve always dreamed of being a mama someday. Can’t wait for our little peanut!
I love this post! I do not have children yet but know whether they were planned by me or not (please God let them be planned by me ;) ) that I will love them unconditionally no matter what, because God sent them here for a reason, sent them to me for a reason and they truly are a blessing! Such a great post Lindsay! I wish all mothers felt the way you do!
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! My kids are my greatest blessing. Neither of my children were planned (heck, one of them isn’t even biologically mine) but they (along with my husband) are the greatest thing to happen to me. They were our pleasant surprises and everyday they shower with us even more surprises.
I agree with 100% percent on this!
Thank you so much for sharing! While I enjoy the opportunity to babysit and look forward to one day being a great auntie, at this point I am not planning on children. I really look forward to being a wife, a best friend, and a traveler. In ten years, we may feel differently but until then we will stick to babysitting on Valentine’s day and anniversaries!
I love this post.
So here’s the deal. You know those people that I see shushing their kids, or just in general being complete jerks to their kids? They’re the ones that have kids that are just TERRIBLE. And their kids aren’t inherintely like that. It’s because they’ve treated them like a burden for the entirety of their short little lives.
Which is why the “why I’m not a mom yet” post that I wrote exists. I don’t want to have children until I can give them everything because I don’t want them to grow up into horrible people that will treat their children horribly and have horrible little children of their own.
Children teach us that there is still good in the world, how to love without question or condition, to forgive quickly, and that laughter and kisses can heal boo-boos. I became pregnant with my daughter after just 3 months of marriage, she was unexpected, unplanned, and the greatest thing (aside from my salvation and her Daddy) that has ever happened to me. When I look at her, I see the very best parts of myself and her Daddy, and I thank God every day that He chose me to be her mother!
First of all, your children are absolutely adorable.
Second of all, I completely agree. Family is so important to me. I admire my mother so much and how she raised me. It makes me excited for when I have kids in the future :)
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i seriously can’t wait for my brother to have babies so i can start babysitting!!!!!! haha i can’t even fathom having my own kids right now but give me everyone elses!
Children are SUCH a blessing! I definitely hope God will bless me with a bunch! I love that it’s one of your top searches. Now people can read this post and be blessed. :)
I always love your honesty. And your children are absolutely beautiful!!
My husband and I chose to try for a child because er wanted to start our own little family. Now we have a beautiful 2 1/2 week old baby girl who is definitely a blessing for both of us. I look into her eyes and see her daddy and I find it amazing that this small child is part of the two of us. She most certainly is a blessing.
Beautifully written, my friend!! They certainly are a blessing… we’ve struggled with conceiving which as driven home the point all the more that God is the author of life. New life is quite the miracle!
AMEN! I pray that God allows me to have lots of little blessings! All children should know how precious they are! You are an amazing mom, Linds! xoxo
Thank you for loving your children and wanting them! The miserable parents are usually the ones who did it just because everyone else was or because it was an “accident”. My husband and I choose not to children now for a variety of reasons, but mainly because we’re just not ready. When/If God says GO! we’ll be better parents for waiting. But if that NEVER HAPPENS we can still live full, productive lives. No one ever has to explain why they want to get pregnant, but I have to defend my choice NOT TO almost daily – as if I’m less of a person because I’m nearly 30, married and not a mother.
Love this post linds, because I completely agree with you! I always get asked if I was glad I had twins? OF COURSE! I love my kids more then anything in the world, I love their innocence, personalities even their craziness. They complete me and I can’t wait to have more.
I LOVE how much you adore your family. It’s awesome to see someone who is so passionate about their kids – all to often we hear about those that neglect, or see some questionable parenting in public. It’s important to know yourself well enough to admit if you SHOULD have children.
Because you are blessed by your children, your children will be blessed by you. What an amazing cycle of love you’ve started just by truly believing, knowing, and acknowledging that they were given to you from above. :)
What a fantastic post! They really are a blessing and I hope to have some of my own blessings someday too!
Wow, I am really impressed that someone feels exactly the way I feel about kids. I find it so absurd when friends tell me they plan this and that about having kids, such as having them at a certain age, when they have a certain job, and so on. I am really happy that someone is brave enough to say all these things, so thank you.
I love this post. It’s so easy to think of the negative ways kids would interrupt your life… but once you have them and they’re YOURS I imagine you would look at them every day and feel so incredibly grateful. <3
I only partly agree with your post. Yes, children are a blessing, and cute, and wonderful. But raising them isn’t always easy. Especially when you have some severe personal, mental, emotional, and financial issues. Like I do. I don’t believe that I have what it takes to be a good mother, by my own definion. So I choose be be childless. That thought makes me a little sad sometimes, but I know it’s better for everyone.
Oh sue! I’ll be praying for this very situation!!
Sue — read my post about why I’m not a mom yet. I’m with you here, but all of those things can be fixed, and if you really want children, it can happen once you’re fixed. Even if you’re past your child-bearing years and you have to adopt — you can still have a child to love and care for once you feel you’re ready.
Here’s my post: http://www.chimesdesign.com/blog/2012/06/14/why-im-not-a-mom-at-the-ripe-old-age-of-27/
one day I will I hope to have these little blessings. Thanks you Lindz for setting the right perspective. You are a blessing! Hug those little blessings of yours for me.
xoxo
Agh, Lindsay I love your perspective! I agree 100%– although children do have their not-so-perfect moments, neither do adults!
I can’t wait to have little blessings of my own someday :D
I never really wanted kids.
I LOVED THEM.
I taught sunday school and baby sat and taught swimming and kids yoga etc etc I just never had firmly in mind GETTING MARRIED and/or HAVING KIDS when I was….a kid :-)
and now?
I cant imagine a full like without my daughter.
amen!
My boyfriend and I want to have children so we can love them and teach the future generation to be good, kind, people.
I could not agree with you more that children are a blessing. I do not have any of my own( (yet).. but work with 22 of them every day..and I see all of them as blessings. Sadly – not all of THEIR parents feel that way.. and it can be heartbreaking. BUt – I know thatI am there to provide as much love and support as I cant! :)