After nearly 30 years on this planet, I know some things about myself:

001

I know that I like to take pictures with my head tilted ever so slightly.

1.  I can sing.  And I can kinda sorta dance.  But I definitely can’t do both at the same time.

This might prove to be a problem in the upcoming show.   It’s pretty much all you do as Tiger Lily.

2.  I could eat sweets all day long, with nary a green vegetable crossing my lips and be perfectly happy.

I don’t do this because a) I just wasn’t raised like that and b) my teeth would rot out of my head (my mother’s words, not mine).

3.  I value generosity and thoughtfulness.  I get giddy when I receive a thoughtful note in the mail.

021

Thank you, Lindsay!

027

Thank you, Chobani Team!

Imagine there’s a picture here.

Thank you in advance, Travis!  The card.  The massage gift certificate.  The Lululemon.  You shouldn’t have (but please do!)

4.  I’m a creature of habit.  I like things the way I like them.  You shampoo first, then wash your face.  You don’t wear shoes inside the house.  I have to sleep on the right side of the bed.  And I like my coffee like I like my men.

004

Piping hot – I’ll reheat it 50 times if I have to.

5.  Finally, I know that I can never count calories again.

I just can’t go back to that place.

Instead of typing all this out, I made a little vlog for you guys.

So that’s what I’m struggling with right now.  If you’d like to read more about my ED history, go here and work your way back (there are 6 installments).

I want to make one thing clear – I LOVE this fitmixer Bootcamp! 

I still plan to do ALL of the workouts and take my supplements!

fitmixer store link

Click on that logo and go buy some BCAAs!  Seriously the best I’ve ever tasted – even better than my beloved, ON! <-that’s saying a lot!

Another thing – Being mindful of what we eat can have it’s benefits.  It’s one of the first questions I ask my clients – “How many calories do you eat?”  “How much fat, protein, etc.?”  And I expect them to know this information.  When trying to lose weight, counting calories is IMPORTANT…needed.

But I’m not trying to lose weight. 

And I know myself well enough to know that I’ll get overly consumed with this counting game.  I know that I don’t need a calorie index.  If there were a game show where you had to quickly spout off the calorie count of a food item, I’d win.  For the three years of my ED, calorie counts were all I knew. 

I think I need to make a distinction here:

I don’t hate counting calories.

Quite the opposite.

I LOVE it.  Too much.  And that is where the problem lies.  Like a fun, crazy, whacked out game. 

I hate this about myself.  I hate that this is a problem I’ve had (have). 

But I’m being honest.

And I’m taking preventative steps to create a healthier life, mentally and physically.

For me…forever…that means NO COUNTING.

It means I’ll continue to rely on my stomach to tell me when it’s hungry and when it’s full. 

I need to be able to trust my body.  And I need to take care of it.

Counting calories?

Count me out. 

**If you have restrictive eating habits or think you might have an eating disorder, please seek out professional help!  And email me!  I’d love to chat!**

QUESTION:  Do you count calories?  Is it a healthy endeavor for you?

splendid…lindsay

  1. Marnie says:

    Hi! It was so nice to read this. I have a calorie counting problem myself. I used to be really chubby and very insecure so i started counting calories. I lost about 5 kilos and looked a healthy weight (well thats what people told me) but after all those compliments, i snapped. Still til now i think that if i stop counting i will go back to how i was. I have lost 12 kilos now and look somewhat like a corpse. But still i am scared to go back. All i want is to maintain weight not to lose or to gain, help!

  2. janetha says:

    good for you for counting yourself out! i am the opposite way and probably SHOULD count calories, but I hate to do it for other reasons–because it takes forever, i hate the tediousness of it, and it’s boring. but unlike some people, the logging doesn’t affect my mentality positively or negatively. i had 2100 calories (ish) yesterday and 1500 the day before and then 1350 the day before that, but none of the days or the tracking changed how i felt about food or myself, i just clearly ate more and drank booze on the higher days! i am so glad you are aware of what you should and should not do, and you are SMART! i love you so much!

  3. Emily @livelovebehealthy says:

    I think it’s so amazing that you have put your story out there! I a, someone who also has trouble with the control in counting calories and the restrictiveness you can cause to yourself. I recently started my blog to get my story out there and to help document my attempt at learning to be healthy. I used my first post as my story and am hoping to document my success :)! It’s reassuring to know I am not alone in this battle!

  4. Emily says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can definitely relate. I recently (this past week) started my own blog to document my own story with overrating and understating. It was nice to read someone else’s battle and to know that I am not alone. I posted my story to begin my blog and was shocked by the outpouring of support from people I know when I posted the link to Facebook in order to start gaining followers. Eating disorders are definitely a problem that people fend to ignore because they are such a touchy subject. Thanks again for sharing your story it’s very powerful and following your blog definitely helps me with ,y own relationship with food.

  5. Lee says:

    Can I ask you why you are doing this bootcamp? I mean, if there are parts of it that are bringing you to a bad place (i.e. weighing and calorie counting) and you’re not trying to lose weight and you’re already very active, why are you doing it? I’m sure it’s a great plan, but it doesn’t sound like for you, at this point in your life, it’s something that you really need.

    I hope that didn’t come off as rude or anything, because you know that I would never do that, I’m just honestly curious. Oh and also, I have to wash my face before I shampoo. Every day.

    • lindsaymwright says:

      Not rude at all!! A totally valid question!!
      I really wanted to try something new as far as workouts go. And I’d read the benefits of BCAAs in training and wanted to try fitmixer’s brand after meeting them at Blend.
      Glad to know I’m not alone on the showering rules.

  6. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes says:

    Well I just read all your ED posts so now I feel a little stalker-ish, but the kindred spirit kind because I sort of feel like everyone who has struggled with an ED are all connected. I know you will do what’s best but if those consuming thoughts don’t slow down soon just stop tracking the calories. It’s not worth it and it’s a horrible, slippery slope. I’ve just been in recovery 9 months now and I have to count calories to make sure I get enough because I still don’t have any hunger sensations. My GI system failed during my ED and hasn’t recovered yet, even though the rest of me is the healthiest and strongest I’ve ever been. It’s not super triggering for me to just loosely track my cal range everyday but I used to enter it online and makes charts and graphs and plan days ahead. It’s like the best free video game in the world to my crazy ED brain. If I were ever asked to use a tool like MyFitnessPal there is no way I could. ED doesn’t deserve to occupy one second of your thoughts.

  7. Lisa says:

    Okay, wow you actually kind of woke me up with your statement saying “I love counting calories. Too much.” I actually love to count calories too, I find it easy and I’m a dork and like math so I do enjoy it. That sounds so weird, but I am recovering from an eating disorder, so maybe I like it for that reason to hang on to it. It is totally a game. Proud of you for not calorie counting, even though that’s a “requirement”, only you know your body the best and if you think its not best to count calories, then more power to you!! I really appreciate your honesty, it made me think a lot about my habits! It is definitely tricky to define a line onto what is healthy for certain individuals and what’s not.

  8. Meg says:

    oh Lindsay you are just WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I do not count calories either. I cannot. I am happier without it. I know myself how much I need :)

  9. Abby @ Abz 'n' Oats says:

    Thanks for sharing this Lindsay! My history with counting calories used to be pretty obsessive. I tracked every single morsel that would cross my lips, I wouldn’t make recipes unless it told me what the serving size was and then I would still recalculate the calories based on the brand of products that I was using. I stopped doing that when I started blogging last year. I felt like I was in a pretty good place last May. This year I am in a totally different place though. I have become way too careless, been binging on some days to the point of feeling lethargic, I have gained about 30 pounds, and I just can’t allow myself to self destruct like this anymore. Since I would like to lose weight, I think counting calories and macros is the way that I have to do it. I just don’t trust my “hunger cues” yet.

    • calee says:

      I am sooooo glad you posted this. Reading your Ed posts. Im on an iPad right now but will comment more later. I am in your boat. Replaced restriction with exercise and hurt myself. Trying intuitive eating. Trying the bootcamp instructions but Mark is watching me close.

  10. Carly says:

    This post is so on spot for me. I was put on a diet by my doctor in order to eliminate foods and try and determine what my body was reacting horribly to. In doing so, he wanted me counting calories in order to ensure I was getting enough calories while cutting so many foods out. I was amazed at how quickly all my ED tendencies (which I haven’t dealt with in almost 4 years) came rushing back. I just couldn’t do it. Thanks for sharing your perspective, so nice to relate to someone about these things.

    Also, daily reader, but pretty sure this is my first comment?

  11. Kristen @ notsodomesticated says:

    I used to count calories and restrict calories in college. Fortunately, I stopped restricting probably about 6-7 years ago. But I still counted calories. I wasn’t obsessive about it, but I always had a general idea in my head. For the last year, I’ve tried to stop counting, but it’s easier said than done. ;) My head always wants to automatically go back to counting. So it’s a constant struggle to stop counting and just practice intuitive eating … but I’m working on it!

    Thanks for being so honest, Lindsay!!

  12. Amy says:

    ive never had an eating disorder so i cant pretend to relate to what you’ve gone through…but from an outside perspective, it sounds like you”re making the right call on NOT counting calories. i feel like thats def a good way to understand what and how much you’re eating, but on the other hand, it can become an obsession which is never healthy. its great you understand what works for you. it sounds like the fitmixer chicks are kickin your butts hard so im sure it’ll still be a great experience!

  13. Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut says:

    I love your vlogs! And before I met you in person it made me feel like I really knew you, like you and I were just friends chatting about life. Watching this makes me sad we didn’t hang out more at Blend!!

    Thanks for being so honest Lindsay. I know your thoughts and viewpoints really affect people and the fact that you give credit to God and not yourself absolutely makes me admire you even more!!

    Thanks for entertaining me (haha Travis in that shirt) and making me think today. Happy Friday friend! :-)

  14. Allie Finch says:

    You know yourself best, so continue to go with what will work for you. I love your honesty. I’m sure so many can relate & really gain so much from listening to you. I’ve never been one to count calories; but recently I’ve been eating mostly raw, so I have been tracking calories to make sure I get enough (I wasn’t initially). It’s been a helpful tool to check in as I’m adjusting my eating, but I completely see where you are coming from. Once my body gets a sense of this, I won’t continue “counting” but just let my body let me know. I especially love the approach you are taking with not counting & LISTENING to your body instead. !!!

  15. Jillian @ Sprinkle Massacre says:

    I used to keep a journal, and yes, I was probably in the best shape of my life. But i am so much happier now not paying attention to it. I focus on whole foods rather than calories. Sometimes I think it’s important to do it to keep yourself in check, but if it brings back old habits, it’s probably better to just continue not counting!

  16. Brittany @ Itty Bits of Balance says:

    It’s such a tricky thing to try to adjust your lifestyle without fall into the trap of calorie counting. Lately, I’ve been trying to eat bigger meals, so naturally the counter has come out with all of that. I find myself like you, sometimes having to coax myself into eating enough calories.

    Thank you for being so honest and transparent in your vlog! You’ve absolutely spoken words of wisdom for a great majority of us!

  17. Lauren @ Oatmeal after Spinning says:

    I whipped out my iPhone to watch your vlog- and it was so great! As always, your honesty is so appreciated and I identify with you too much. I’ve definitely gone through “disordered eating” tendencies in the past- and still struggle a bit with my exercise addiction. I wish I could learn to eat intuitively, but I just can’t get past the mindless eating in the afternoon/evening. If I’m completely honest with the tracking and calorie counting, I’m sure it can help- but I’m hoping that I don’t get obsessed with it.
    I am really loving the fitmixer bootcamp too- and have high hopes that it would work. You know how much I work out each day- and sometimes teach 2 or 3 classes- and I’ve been eating between 1500-2000 calories a day. They put me on 1300-1400, and I’m going with it. I’ve messed up my metabolism so much that eating what would be a perfectly “normal” amount for most people just makes me gain weight – 20 lbs over the last 4 years to be exact! So Im going to do my best to stay 100% committed and honest with this program- and not let food and exercise completely control my life, but to be in tune with it and aware of my choices.
    Thanks again for sharing your experiences with all of us!! xoxo

  18. Ashley F. says:

    I counted calories for quite a while, however, I don’t do it anymore – nor do I step on the scale. I don’t have a history of ED, but I do fight some anxiety and OCD issues and counting calories is just another thing for me to obsessively think about. I found that when I was counting calories that if I got out of my ritual of entering them into my counter after each meal I would feel uneasy and anxious – both signs that I should stop doing. So I quit cold turkey – it wasn’t easy, but definitely necessary.

    I sort of believe that anything that takes you away from the real reason you are doing something can be negative (if you are trying to lose weight, counting calories focuses your attention on that activity rather than unlearning bad habits, etc.) Therefore while I encourage my clients to have an understanding of what they are putting into their bodies, I don’t necessarily dwell on the actual number of calories (though, as you state, sometimes it’s necessary to track for short periods so people understand how much they really are or aren’t eating).

  19. Ashley @ My Food 'N' Fitness Diaries says:

    linds, thank you so much for being honest and open in your vlog! i appreciate that in you. we all have our struggles, and the way you deal with your’s is so admirable. i’ve definitely been there… obsessed with calorie counting and restricting, and it’s a terrible place to be. i thank God that He has gotten me past that! :)

  20. Ericka @ The Sweet Life says:

    Lindsay…I’ve always identified with your struggles and understand how it can come back when you least expect it in little ways. Food/exercise are a combo issue for me — or used to be. Anyway, I feel pretty free from teh calorie counting thing but remember the days when I wasn’t and understand the temptation to do it again. But I never fall to that…even though it seems like a lot of my girlfriends are overly obsessed with it. Anyway, thanks for the blog.

  21. Jess says:

    Calorie counting is SUCh a personal thing — and such a love/hate thing for most. For me, right now? It’s what works for me in a healthy, balanced way as I learn to be mindful, eat intuitively and be smart about how I fuel my body. Eventually, I’d like to stop counting so often but for now its still working for me and makes me feel good about my choices because I’m in control — in a good way though. I know how easily it can turn into an obsession so I’ve been extra cognizant and vigilant of that fact and try very hard to not let it overcome my joy of good food and good wine. I’m learning so much in the process — about my body, about my choices, and about me. It’s been an eye-opening year.

    like you said though — its not for everyone, not at all. I’m glad that you know what WILL work for you and what WON’T. Some people are afraid to admit that. Love your posts as usual!!

  22. Heather (Heather's Dish) says:

    OMG first of all that shot of travis…wow. you are one lucky lady! nate would never let me put a picture of him like that online :)

    second, i am in the same place as you. i love counting calories and having “goals” way too much to actually let myself have them. it becomes my god and the rest of my life goes down the crapper. so not worth it, when in reality i know what a good portion size is and i know what i should be eating. i’m glad you’re adjusting things to meet your needs and still sticking with it!

  23. Tamara says:

    Periodically, I check in with myfitnesspal to get an idea of what’s going on with calories and macronutrients. Everybody slides sometimes. Usually, it’s just a matter of reminding myself to cub back on starchy carbs just a bit and up my protein intake.

    I’ve never been a calorie counter because I love to eat! And I have a tendency to cheat (i.e., not count that handful of chocolate chips) which makes the whole exercise useless!

    Good for you for not counting!

  24. Alex @ therunwithin says:

    This was such a great post! I am not a calorie counter because honestly it makes me feel worse, stresses me out and causes me to restrict and/or binge. I have learned from my past that I just can’t do it, it was never a huge part of my disorder so I still feel no pull to calorie count. however, now I feel like it is so hard to justify not calorie counting because everywhere i look someone is doing it on their phone, on their computer at the dinner table… it makes me so freaking mad.

  25. Claire @ Live and Love to Eat says:

    I count calories on and off just to gauge how I’m doing – and the more I do it, the less I need to – because I become so much more self-aware. It’s something I recommend to people who are trying to lose weight (those who are obese, etc) because it’s proven to work.

  26. Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen says:

    This is actually something I’m currently trying to figure out for ME. I’m (perhaps obviously to some people, but not obviously to myself!) NOT trying to lose more weight. If anything, I could use a little more meat on my bones. :) However, I, too can look at calorie counting like a game I have to win, and while I like that it keeps me on track for making sure I’ve actually eaten enough protein, fat, etc. each day I do see how sometimes ‘tracking’ can get ‘all up in my head.’It’s a tough battle, and I’m glad there is someone else out there who looks at those sorts of things like a game to win!

    • Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen says:

      P.S. I also should say I didn’t watch the vlog yet because I’m at school, but I will!
      P.P.S. I am the SAME way about liking things the way I like them. I’m pretty sure my mom and grandmother blame that characteristic for my perpetual singledom.

  27. lindsay says:

    oh my gosh you showed my card! haha, i have the handwriting of a 10 yr old. LOL! But glad the post was easily diverted with travis’ hot bod.

    And as for counting, there is a fine line. Just like any area of fitness and health. We know when we can do te extreme or become to obsessed with it. So good for you for knowing your own will. I love you linz, how’d you get to be so smart? I need some of that!

  28. nicole says:

    thanks for the very honest blog/vlog. I have also been like this about calorie counting. it is just better for me to practice intuitive eating as well.

  29. Kelly @ No Sugar Sweet Life says:

    Lindsay-I love this post. And I love your honesty. And I LOVE that you know what works for you and what doesn’t… and just because it’s part of the “plan/expectation”, if it’s not going to contribute to your overall health (which is the POINT of the bootcamp), that you’re not going to do it. Did I mention I love you?? (and don’t mad – but I LOVE that pic of your hubby! heehee… that tee and stance are priceless).
    I’ve lost 50+ pounds without counting. No counting daily calories. No counting points – activity or food related. No counting # of meals or # of fruits/veggies. No COUNTING. Though I was a math major in college and am currently teaching Babycakes to count (She’s really good with “one two three” and “seven eight nine”), I have never found it very manageable in my daily life to count calories. First of all, it’s super tedious. Second of all, most of us underestimate our daily calorie intake by as much as 30%!! So even if you ARE counting calories, it might not be effective. Additionally, I’ve come to believe that a calorie is NOT just a calorie, and the type of foods you’re eating make much more of a difference in your overall health and weightloss than just cutting calories. You can read what DID work for me here (alternatives to counting you could call it): http://nosugarsweetlife.com/content/50-lbs-lost-no-counting-calories-or-points

  30. Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life says:

    I’m not a calorie counter because, similar to you, I tried it once and it had severely negative effects. I love what you said about it being a “game” almost, because that’s exactly the way I used to look at it, whether I realized it or not. Thoughts like “could I get lower than the previous day?” were always swarming around in my head and, ughhh, it’s freakin’ tiresome, right?

    I’m so glad you a) figured this out early, b) addressed the issue, and c) are taking the steps to ensure that you don’t head down a bad path again. Props to you, Linds! :)

  31. Cait @ Beyond Bananas says:

    I’ve gone through spurts where I would track what I ate on websites like daily plate.. but always find that it becomes too consuming. I’d basically plug everything in that I planned to eat first thing in the morning.. and see where it left me number wise. It would become obsessive.. and it wasn’t healthy. I don’t need to lose weight.. so I don’t really need to watch my caloric intake. I just eat when my body tells me too.. and not stress over it!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>