People always ask me, “Lindsay, how can I get such luscious locks like yours?”
– Cheapo Suave …oh and don’t wash it everyday. Better yet, have your sister pick the grays out in her spare time.
They’ll say, “You’re so stinking funny. I could never be as funny as you.”
– I simply steal jokes from Travis, Eden, SNL, or Jim Gaffigan.
Or, “Your children are SO well behaved. Mine could never act like that.”
– They would too if they got a good spanking once in a while. Brats.
“But, Lindsay, I want your ripped abs, chiseled triceps and ample booty. But I’ve got no time for the gym”
– Have you tried that hot, new Lawn Mower workout?
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Welcome to Lindsay Wright’s Push Mower Power Sculpt
The perfect way to incorporate fitness into the common housewife’s mundane day. Because really, who has time for the gym when you’re busy rolling your eyes and scraping poop from your children’s rear ends. With Lindsay Wright’s PMP Sculpt, not only will you tone your tush and burn lots of calories, but afterwards, you’ll walk around smelling like gasoline and have teeny bits of grass in your hair and eyeballs.
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Warm-Up – 15 minutes of vigorous sex – Now you’ve got yourself a photographer.
Basic Squat
Lunge
Chest Press
(obligatory butt shot – just 1 of 39)
Incline Walk with Row
Shoulder Press
Standing Row
Cooldown
Tony Horton’s P90x? Billy Blank’s Taebo? Mere childs play compared to this awesomeness.
All you need is a yard, a mower, a boyfriend t-shirt, and “mowing shoes” (aka-your old Asics you’ve worn so many times that the heel no longer has padding, so they’ve basically turned into a pair of Crocs).
You could even invite your girlfriend over for a “group class”. Only you won’t be able to hear the conversation over the mowers. That might be a problem. But I guess that’s the point of group exercise right? Pretending to workout while silently competing and sizing up one another’s bodies. Only in this case, you can just smile politely, while you mow right over her toe. That might be a problem.
However you choose to approach this amazing new fitness regime, the point is to have fun. And well, mow your lawn. Just make sure you’re photographer is well paid.
splendid…lindsay
Just found your blog from Lindsay @ Cotter Crunch & you are hilarious!! I cannot wait to read more :) Loving your workouts. Thanks for sharing ;)
Glad you stopped by, Holly!! Checking out your blog now!
Haha – I absolutely love this! What a great workout :) But I think I’ll let my hubby do this one. ;)
Thanks for stopping by, Lindsay!! I seriously LOVE it…Travis mowed for so many years, but after my first time trying, I got hooked on the workout and creating straight lines. I’m weird!
Haha! That was hilariously awesome! Too bad I don’t have a lawn…maybe i’ll try a mop instead! (good times) :)
You my friend, are hilarious. I love this! Functional fitness that’s fun!
This is had me laughing out loud – and I’m still at work! :)
How cute are all the lawn workouts??? Definitely a little wonky to watch if you’re a neighbor or strolling by, the who cares if you get glutes of steel after it all right? :)
true, Michelle!! I’ll take the sweaty buns anyday!
you are my new favorite blogger.
hands down.
and yes, i would come mow lawns with you. it would probably be the funnest thing ever.
I’ll just shoot for the warm-up, thank you very much!
i wish this was on at 2:30 AM on saturday when i got home and turned on the TV to see a slew of weight loss infomercials. you’re amazing and hilarious.
Linds you are my new bff. I work that lawnmower workout like nobody’s business. I’m also pretty talented with the weedeater workout! Builds great biceps. As always, you make me laugh!
I love the lawnmower workout! (And the warm-up doesn’t sound bad either) I always have to mow ours backwards because it get’s SO long each week that our mower will die if I just push forwards (It’s a quirky little machine). But pulling a mower up hill is no joke.
haha, the lawnmower workout! I love it…
You’re so beautiful and funny! I just know we’d be best friends : ) Will you mentor me?! : )