People always ask me, “Lindsay, how can I get such luscious locks like yours?”

   – Cheapo Suave …oh and don’t wash it everyday.  Better yet, have your sister pick the grays out in her spare time.

They’ll say, “You’re so stinking funny.  I could never be as funny as you.”

   – I simply steal jokes from Travis, Eden, SNL, or Jim Gaffigan.

Or, “Your children are SO well behaved.  Mine could never act like that.”

   – They would too if they got a good spanking once in a while.  Brats.

“But, Lindsay, I want your ripped abs, chiseled triceps and ample booty.  But I’ve got no time for the gym”

   – Have you tried that hot, new Lawn Mower workout?

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Welcome to Lindsay Wright’s Push Mower Power Sculpt

The perfect way to incorporate fitness into the common housewife’s mundane day.  Because really, who has time for the gym when you’re busy rolling your eyes and scraping poop from your children’s rear ends.  With Lindsay Wright’s PMP Sculpt, not only will you tone your tush and burn lots of calories, but afterwards, you’ll walk around smelling like gasoline and have teeny bits of grass in your hair and eyeballs.

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Warm-Up – 15 minutes of vigorous sex – Now you’ve got yourself a photographer.

Basic Squat

Lunge

Chest Press

(obligatory butt shot – just 1 of 39)

Incline Walk with Row

Shoulder Press

Standing Row

Cooldown

Tony Horton’s P90x?  Billy Blank’s Taebo?  Mere childs play compared to this awesomeness.

All you need is a yard, a mower, a boyfriend t-shirt, and “mowing shoes” (aka-your old Asics you’ve worn so many times that the heel no longer has padding, so they’ve basically turned into a pair of Crocs).

You could even invite your girlfriend over for a “group class”.  Only you won’t be able to hear the conversation over the mowers.  That might be a problem.  But I guess that’s the point of group exercise right?  Pretending to workout while silently competing and sizing up one another’s bodies.  Only in this case, you can just smile politely, while you mow right over her toe.  That might be a problem.

However you choose to approach this amazing new fitness regime, the point is to have fun.  And well, mow your lawn.  Just make sure you’re photographer is well paid.

splendid…lindsay