007
People always ask me, “Lindsay, how can I get such luscious locks like yours?”

   – Cheapo Suave …oh and don’t wash it everyday.  Better yet, have your sister pick the grays out in her spare time.

They’ll say, “You’re so stinking funny.  I could never be as funny as you.”

   – I simply steal jokes from Travis, Eden, SNL, or Jim Gaffigan.

Or, “Your children are SO well behaved.  Mine could never act like that.”

   – They would too if they got a good spanking once in a while.  Brats.

“But, Lindsay, I want your ripped abs, chiseled triceps and ample booty.  But I’ve got no time for the gym”

   – Have you tried that hot, new Lawn Mower workout?

________________________

Welcome to Lindsay Wright’s Push Mower Power Sculpt

The perfect way to incorporate fitness into the common housewife’s mundane day.  Because really, who has time for the gym when you’re busy rolling your eyes and scraping poop from your children’s rear ends.  With Lindsay Wright’s PMP Sculpt, not only will you tone your tush and burn lots of calories, but afterwards, you’ll walk around smelling like gasoline and have teeny bits of grass in your hair and eyeballs.

________________________

Warm-Up – 15 minutes of vigorous sex – Now you’ve got yourself a photographer.

Basic Squat

005

Lunge

009

Chest Press

014

(obligatory butt shot – just 1 of 39)

019

Incline Walk with Row

025

Shoulder Press

020

Standing Row

029030

Cooldown

037

Tony Horton’s P90x?  Billy Blank’s Taebo?  Mere childs play compared to this awesomeness.

All you need is a yard, a mower, a boyfriend t-shirt, and “mowing shoes” (aka-your old Asics you’ve worn so many times that the heel no longer has padding, so they’ve basically turned into a pair of Crocs).

You could even invite your girlfriend over for a “group class”.  Only you won’t be able to hear the conversation over the mowers.  That might be a problem.  But I guess that’s the point of group exercise right?  Pretending to workout while silently competing and sizing up one another’s bodies.  Only in this case, you can just smile politely, while you mow right over her toe.  That might be a problem.

However you choose to approach this amazing new fitness regime, the point is to have fun.  And well, mow your lawn.  Just make sure you’re photographer is well paid.

splendid…lindsay

  1. pearson says:

    Hey, Softie, try a manual reel push mower, like in the old days. Time spent pushing and pulling those quiet, clucking little machines earns twice the calories as a noise and air polluting gas powered mower. Take it from me, a 77 year old grandma in NC.

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  3. Michelle says:

    How cute are all the lawn workouts??? Definitely a little wonky to watch if you’re a neighbor or strolling by, the who cares if you get glutes of steel after it all right? :)

  4. Katie says:

    I love the lawnmower workout! (And the warm-up doesn’t sound bad either) I always have to mow ours backwards because it get’s SO long each week that our mower will die if I just push forwards (It’s a quirky little machine). But pulling a mower up hill is no joke.

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