Lindsay's List

It would be easy for me to get a big head.

(Actually I DO have a big head. Hats look super funny on me.)

I’m smart. I have a degree from a reputable college (go Heels!!). I have a (smokin’ hot) husband who lets me sleep in. I have a successful business…many, actually. I have three beautiful, healthy kids, zero stretch marks and a flat belly. I have no debt (aside from a mortgage which I guess is debt but healthy debt). I get to spend each and every day with my kids (and more importantly, I thoroughly ENJOY it). I have a nice singing voice and the ability to speak and act in front of large audiences. I can run a 6 minute mile or 14 miles consecutively. And for good measure, here’s a picture of my perfect family*:

(Give this girl some humble pie, geeeeez. We get it. She’s awesome.)

All of those things I said about myself are FACT. Reality.

But…..

I am nothing.

Actually, I am something.

I’m a big, fat phony.

You see, I did NOTHING to deserve the things I have, my status, my abilities. Sure, I show up and put in some work but even that drive to show up isn’t something I can take credit for.

It’s all Him.

Anytime my head starts swelling (which is dangerous, remember the hats), I’m reminded of Deuteronomy 9. Moses is speaking to the Israelites just before they (FINALLY) enter the Promised Land. He speaks to a people who have been wandering lost (and sinning a whole lot) about God’s provision and grace:

³Today know this: God, your God, is crossing the river ahead of you—he’s a consuming fire. He will destroy the nations, he will put them under your power. You will dispossess them and very quickly wipe them out, just as God promised you would.

^4-5But when God pushes them out ahead of you, don’t start thinking to yourselves, “It’s because of all the good I’ve done that God has brought me in here to dispossess these nations.” Actually it’s because of all the evil these nations have done. No, it’s nothing good that you’ve done, no record for decency that you’ve built up, that got you here; it’s because of the vile wickedness of these nations that God, your God, is dispossessing them before you so that he can keep his promised word to your ancestors, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

^6-10Know this and don’t ever forget it: It’s not because of any good that you’ve done that God is giving you this good land to own.

The Israelites didn’t deserve the Promised Land, just as years later, we did nothing to deserve the salvation that was so freely given by Jesus’ death. WE deserved that death. WE sinned. We continue to sin.

We did nothing to deserve these blessings.

But God.

God’s grace pours out time and time again. His love is never failing and always easy to find. He’s the most perfect example of how parenthood should look…of how perfect love should look.

So yeah, I have a lot and I can do a lot. But it’s not me. I point to Him.

Friends, I’m in this perpetual place of being so utterly grateful, hands opened up with nothing to actually give to God (for He has everything) but to only receive what He has in store for me. And when you’re in that place of knowing that you’ll be taken care of, during the best of days and the worst, gratitude explodes from your being and it spreads to those around you.

And maybe that contributes to my success. Being grateful and truly thankful. A wondering Israelite whose hands are full of milk and honey. I want to shout it from the rooftops!

It’s all Him, you guys.

So I say, “Thank you, Father. Thank you!!!”

splendid…lindsay

*Which took at least 15 minutes to get one that was somewhat decent…meanwhile I burnt my MIL’s homemade cinnamon rolls which had to be scraped off the pan with hammer and chisel. Again….GRACE!

Does anyone even read this blog anymore??

Doubtful.

I kinda forgot about it and I’m the one in charge. Eek.

I’m taking that as a sign that my blogging days are numbered. Everything has a season and perhaps LL’s season is coming to a close. We shall see.

Right now, I’m half watching a movie (Mordecai with Johnny Depp….ageless hotty, yes?) and half typing. Forgive me if this has typos. Travis is in the front room editing pictures (where he’s been for the last week), Henry is playing Legos and Clara and Porter are napping (although I’m pretty sure Clara is playing with her tea set and only pretending to nap). I’m sitting down for what seems like the first time in 57 days (show week) so let’s catch up on life with a big photo dump and some captioning. Yes lets.

Lately, I’ve been….

Wearing this shirt.

Having fun with Charlie Ruth (can you believe she and Porter will be TWO next month?!?).

Making stir fry.

Being sick…thank God I’m finally feeling better. That cold was a doozy.

Buying stuff at GNC.

Visiting America’s largest home.

Celebrating National Cereal Day. (Every single day is some sort of food holiday…it’s too much. I’m down with National Cereal Day though.)

Watching my kids grow up.

Loving these Mighty Muffins (Chocolate Peanut Butter is my favorite flavor but Apple Cinnamon is good too!)

Putting my foot in a huddle.

Eating more stir fry.

Pretending to be a photographer at Travis’ latest gig.

Taking advantage of full-length mirrors.

Stocking up on peanut butter (Laura Lynn’s creamy natural is $1.68 at Ingles!).

(again) watching my kids grow up.

Fostering Clara’s self esteem.

Savoring the longer, warmer days.

Saying “ARGHHHH!”

Enjoying one-on-one time with Henry during this show. (look at that beard)

Digging this show.

Emptying this bag. (Seriously…buy this popcorn!!)

GRILLING!!!!

Getting into cheerleading poses.

Living.

Yep, lately I’ve been LIVING.

QUESTION: Fill in the blank: “Lately, I’ve been ____________.”

splendid…lindsay

I worry about getting lost.

About wasting my “good” years and having nothing to show for it.

I worry that my kids will suck all the life out of me.

That I’ll only live out a fraction of my potential.

(I worry about whether Wendy’s chicken nuggets have ground-up chicken beaks in them too. I worry a lot. And yet we still eat drive-thru food once a week.)

I’ll be 100% honest here and say that I’m having a hard time sorting my life out right now. The past few months have been a season of waiting and abiding and I’m uncomfortable. “My life” really consists of four other people’s lives. Tending to everyone else’s needs and wants. Making food. Schooling two children. Doing laundry. Cleaning. Taking time to listen to them. Connecting with my husband daily.

It is so much. (Right, mamas??? I’m not alone here, right? It’s a lot.)

Sometimes I think I’m strong and sometimes I just break down and need to cry. Get it out and then move on and put a smile on that (tired) face. On occasion, I’ll find myself daydreaming about what life would look like without kids. What would I do with my days??

I’d own a gym and pour myself into training clients.

I’d enjoy pedicures and get my hair done. Regularly.

I’d lay in bed until however long I wanted and then have unrushed loud sex with my husband.

I’d eat my treats before 8pm because there’d be no one around to steal them.

No one around.

There would be no one around.

No Henry Cole. No Clara Kathleen. No Porter Killian.

And suddenly I’m falling to my knees, thanking God for such a glorious life. My life equals four other lives! Praise God!!!!! He thinks enough of me and my ability to gift me with so much. He thinks the weight won’t be too heavy; He’ll make the burden light. He knows I can’t do it alone so he gives me a perfect partner to navigate parenthood with. He created me to be strong enough to tend to these little lives 24 hours a day, they never leave my side. They’re tucked right under my wing, right where they’re supposed to be. ….And so am I.

So yeah, this isn’t my season.

This is their season.

These hard years are for nurturing and teaching and supporting THEM. For “raising them up in the way they should go.” For being less selfish. For pouring my heart and soul out.

And yes, for losing myself a little.

I think I’d be more worried if I didn’t.

splendid…lindsay

I’ll never forget something my mother-in-law said years ago. We were sitting in her living room, casually talking about fitness and health and me working at a gym (at the time) and I think I must have said something to the effect of, “Why don’t YOU work out/watch what you eat?” which seems super rude but she knew exactly what I meant. She laughed it off and then said something that has been blocked into my brain ever since.

“Sometimes I just don’t want to know.”

I think my jaw dropped right into my (un)sweet tea and at the time I probably got all sorts of defensive about how knowledge is power and people die every day from obesity-related causes and how you can change your life by just dropping 10% of your body mass. Aside from being a mama, my life IS fitness and health. Reading nutrition articles and watching IIFYM Youtube videos and staying up-to-date on the latest and greatest exercise techniques. Part of my life IS knowing about that stuff.

But…

I often wonder as I scroll through Instagram and see the countless “fitspo” posts or listen to my clients asking which is better, quinoa or brown rice (quinoa…it has more protein and higher fiber content) if all of this knowledge really is for the best. Could it be encouraging obsessive behavior? Idols? It seems like everywhere I look I see a new health fad, new tips on how to lose those last 5 pounds (and they’re NEVER really new but I digress…).

Do you see grilled chicken and veggies or yummy pizza?

What if ignorance really IS bliss? What if one were 10 pounds heavier than they “ought to be”, healthy enough and didn’t care about quinoa or brown rice or macros or how many calories that spin class burned. What if she wanted to know more about politics and religion and how to help people. What if she read poetry instead of Women’s Health. What if she ate vegetables because she genuinely enjoyed the taste and not because it was something she should do.

I don’t know about you and perhaps I’ve just been around one too many healthy living people but I’d much rather be friends with the 10 pounds heavier girl. She’s a flippin’ blast.

Sometimes I just want to un-learn some of the things I know. Sometimes I just don’t wanna know.

QUESTION: IS ignorance bliss when it comes to living?? Have we taken this healthy living thing too far?

splendid…lindsay

ta-da!

cheeks.

yolo.

everything.

flex.

butter.

work.

tribe.

hard.

pre-spring.

yaaassss!

heatedsheets.

thisguy.

THISguy.

pretty.

(I can’t type just one word here. Clara put more knots IN my hair than she took out. Worth it though…she walked away with a new future profession.)

7.5weeks.

noTHISguy.

—————–

QUESTION: One word to describe your current MOOD. <-hopeful…The weather is getting warmer, I’m working on a show, planning a Spring vacation and life is GOOOOOD.

splendid…lindsay

Travis and I went away this weekend….

With zero children…..

For the first time in nearly 3 years…..

(That’s entirely too long between trips for those of you wondering.)

The Biltmore Estate. I’ve been twice before but it had been YEARS. We both fell back in love with this mansion (a castle, really) and bought season passes!

Couldn’t walk away without buying this adorable hat in the gift shop.

Dinner at Wasabi in Downtown Asheville.

If you’re there, get the “Summer Roll.” Fresh, light, amazing!

10pm run for froyo at Ya-Ya’s.

On Sunday morning, we slept in until 9:15 (!!!!) then just laid there for as long as we wanted.

Brunch at Whole Foods (because we didn’t want to wait in line anywhere else).

Leisurely strolling through Target. Unheard of.

We’ve been married for nearly 11 years now. We’re invested. We’re not going anywhere and we’re putting in the work.

It takes work.

Yes, we’ve had arguments and seasons of feast and seasons of famine but the overarching theme is that we’re invested and we want to see the fruits of our labor. AND WE DO…each day! We see God’s hand over our family, over our jobs, over everything as we make our marriage a top priority.

As a mom of three kids, I know how difficult it can be to wear the “sexy wife”-hat AND the “dutiful mom”-hat (not to mention the countless other ones…my neck gets tired) but it’s incredibly important. If I could give one piece of family advice to other women it would be to structure your priorities in this way: God, husband, then kids. My kids are SO important…but not more than my marriage to Travis. All parties involved are aware of this flow chart. All parties involved function best this way too.

We came back home last night refreshed and even more in love. Plans are already in motion for our next little getaway and I can’t wait!

QUESTION: If you’re married, how often do you take little weekend/overnight trips or dates??

splendid…lindsay

it’s all Him

It’s all Him.

It’s all Him, you guys.

hello, it’s me.

Lately, I’ve been….

this isn’t my season

sometimes i just don’t wanna know

“Sometimes I just don’t want to know.”

one word weekend

investing in my marriage