Lindsay's List

I worry about getting lost.

About wasting my “good” years and having nothing to show for it.

I worry that my kids will suck all the life out of me.

That I’ll only live out a fraction of my potential.

(I worry about whether Wendy’s chicken nuggets have ground-up chicken beaks in them too. I worry a lot. And yet we still eat drive-thru food once a week.)

I’ll be 100% honest here and say that I’m having a hard time sorting my life out right now. The past few months have been a season of waiting and abiding and I’m uncomfortable. “My life” really consists of four other people’s lives. Tending to everyone else’s needs and wants. Making food. Schooling two children. Doing laundry. Cleaning. Taking time to listen to them. Connecting with my husband daily.

It is so much. (Right, mamas??? I’m not alone here, right? It’s a lot.)

Sometimes I think I’m strong and sometimes I just break down and need to cry. Get it out and then move on and put a smile on that (tired) face. On occasion, I’ll find myself daydreaming about what life would look like without kids. What would I do with my days??

I’d own a gym and pour myself into training clients.

I’d enjoy pedicures and get my hair done. Regularly.

I’d lay in bed until however long I wanted and then have unrushed loud sex with my husband.

I’d eat my treats before 8pm because there’d be no one around to steal them.

No one around.

There would be no one around.

No Henry Cole. No Clara Kathleen. No Porter Killian.

And suddenly I’m falling to my knees, thanking God for such a glorious life. My life equals four other lives! Praise God!!!!! He thinks enough of me and my ability to gift me with so much. He thinks the weight won’t be too heavy; He’ll make the burden light. He knows I can’t do it alone so he gives me a perfect partner to navigate parenthood with. He created me to be strong enough to tend to these little lives 24 hours a day, they never leave my side. They’re tucked right under my wing, right where they’re supposed to be. ….And so am I.

So yeah, this isn’t my season.

This is their season.

These hard years are for nurturing and teaching and supporting THEM. For “raising them up in the way they should go.” For being less selfish. For pouring my heart and soul out.

And yes, for losing myself a little.

I think I’d be more worried if I didn’t.

splendid…lindsay

I’ll never forget something my mother-in-law said years ago. We were sitting in her living room, casually talking about fitness and health and me working at a gym (at the time) and I think I must have said something to the effect of, “Why don’t YOU work out/watch what you eat?” which seems super rude but she knew exactly what I meant. She laughed it off and then said something that has been blocked into my brain ever since.

“Sometimes I just don’t want to know.”

I think my jaw dropped right into my (un)sweet tea and at the time I probably got all sorts of defensive about how knowledge is power and people die every day from obesity-related causes and how you can change your life by just dropping 10% of your body mass. Aside from being a mama, my life IS fitness and health. Reading nutrition articles and watching IIFYM Youtube videos and staying up-to-date on the latest and greatest exercise techniques. Part of my life IS knowing about that stuff.

But…

I often wonder as I scroll through Instagram and see the countless “fitspo” posts or listen to my clients asking which is better, quinoa or brown rice (quinoa…it has more protein and higher fiber content) if all of this knowledge really is for the best. Could it be encouraging obsessive behavior? Idols? It seems like everywhere I look I see a new health fad, new tips on how to lose those last 5 pounds (and they’re NEVER really new but I digress…).

Do you see grilled chicken and veggies or yummy pizza?

What if ignorance really IS bliss? What if one were 10 pounds heavier than they “ought to be”, healthy enough and didn’t care about quinoa or brown rice or macros or how many calories that spin class burned. What if she wanted to know more about politics and religion and how to help people. What if she read poetry instead of Women’s Health. What if she ate vegetables because she genuinely enjoyed the taste and not because it was something she should do.

I don’t know about you and perhaps I’ve just been around one too many healthy living people but I’d much rather be friends with the 10 pounds heavier girl. She’s a flippin’ blast.

Sometimes I just want to un-learn some of the things I know. Sometimes I just don’t wanna know.

QUESTION: IS ignorance bliss when it comes to living?? Have we taken this healthy living thing too far?

splendid…lindsay

ta-da!

cheeks.

yolo.

everything.

flex.

butter.

work.

tribe.

hard.

pre-spring.

yaaassss!

heatedsheets.

thisguy.

THISguy.

pretty.

(I can’t type just one word here. Clara put more knots IN my hair than she took out. Worth it though…she walked away with a new future profession.)

7.5weeks.

noTHISguy.

—————–

QUESTION: One word to describe your current MOOD. <-hopeful…The weather is getting warmer, I’m working on a show, planning a Spring vacation and life is GOOOOOD.

splendid…lindsay

Travis and I went away this weekend….

With zero children…..

For the first time in nearly 3 years…..

(That’s entirely too long between trips for those of you wondering.)

The Biltmore Estate. I’ve been twice before but it had been YEARS. We both fell back in love with this mansion (a castle, really) and bought season passes!

Couldn’t walk away without buying this adorable hat in the gift shop.

Dinner at Wasabi in Downtown Asheville.

If you’re there, get the “Summer Roll.” Fresh, light, amazing!

10pm run for froyo at Ya-Ya’s.

On Sunday morning, we slept in until 9:15 (!!!!) then just laid there for as long as we wanted.

Brunch at Whole Foods (because we didn’t want to wait in line anywhere else).

Leisurely strolling through Target. Unheard of.

We’ve been married for nearly 11 years now. We’re invested. We’re not going anywhere and we’re putting in the work.

It takes work.

Yes, we’ve had arguments and seasons of feast and seasons of famine but the overarching theme is that we’re invested and we want to see the fruits of our labor. AND WE DO…each day! We see God’s hand over our family, over our jobs, over everything as we make our marriage a top priority.

As a mom of three kids, I know how difficult it can be to wear the “sexy wife”-hat AND the “dutiful mom”-hat (not to mention the countless other ones…my neck gets tired) but it’s incredibly important. If I could give one piece of family advice to other women it would be to structure your priorities in this way: God, husband, then kids. My kids are SO important…but not more than my marriage to Travis. All parties involved are aware of this flow chart. All parties involved function best this way too.

We came back home last night refreshed and even more in love. Plans are already in motion for our next little getaway and I can’t wait!

QUESTION: If you’re married, how often do you take little weekend/overnight trips or dates??

splendid…lindsay

Hey-o! Hey-OOO!!!

No time for small talk today…I gotz stuff to do. Travis and I are leaving for a little romantic getaway tomorrow (WITHOUT kids!!) which means I have to pack for 5 people (and OVERpack for myself because you just never know what you’ll need so I end up taking two suitcases and wearing one outfit….but you just never know.) We’re visiting the Biltmore House (haven’t been since elementary school) and staying the night. We’ve also tossed around sushi and indoor rock wall climbing so I’m incredibly excited.

Anyhow, here are a bunch of pictures that I just cleaned off my phone. Virtual photo diary, GO!!

QUESTION: Weekend plans???

splendid…lindsay

In celebration of Valentine’s Day, here is a list of things I’m currently loving:

Soggy cereal.
Not-soggy cereal.
All cereal.
When the Holy Spirit moves at church and I can literally see the goosebumps forming on my arms.
Travis’ manbun.
Travis’ everything.
This family he gave me.

The way that Amazon segues right into the next Backyardigans so I can sit still for just a bit longer.
Walking with Tiffany at the track (boo hiss to the current it’s-freezing-outside-so-we-can’t status. I can’t wait for Spring).
Looking out my back window and still loving the fact that it’s Winter.

Eating my protein pancake as slooooowly as I can every morning.
Burpees and thrusters and push-ups and….
The way my new Arbonne lotion smells.

Being able to say that last sentence and not trying to sell you guys anything.
The excitement of a snow day.
The fact that my seven-year-old was brave enough to audition for Treasure Island (not only that but he ROCKED it, pirate-accent and all).

Hazelnut k-cups.
The way Tiger Balm makes my sore muscles feel (but not the smell…the smell is not good).
Reading through the Bible with my inlaws.
Group texts with my inlaws (although sometimes I DO click on the “Do Not Disturb” function).
Trying to perfect the cauliflower-crust pizza. I can’t seem to make them “pickupable.” (Any tips/recipes you love??)

Puzzling with my husband.
Making puzzling a verb.

Doing everything I can to find out how best to teach Clara.
Being BLESSED to be able to BE her teacher and all of the amazingness of homeschooling.
Helping others lead healthy lives…being a cheerleader.

Blogging sporadically.
Deleting the Facebook app from my phone.
Resting. Truly resting.
The way Sunday feels.

Just to name a few….

Happy Valentine’s Day, my dear friends! I hope you feel loved (because you ARE loved!).

QUESTION: What are some of YOUR current LOVES??

splendid…lindsay

this isn’t my season

sometimes i just don’t wanna know

“Sometimes I just don’t want to know.”

one word weekend

investing in my marriage

a whole bunch of pictures for your eyes to see

things i love