Dear LL Readers,
Thank you for reading my words. My heart.
For coming back daily to see what I have to say.
This fact alone is still something that astonishes me.
And I’m grateful.
Thank you for listening and approaching my openness with non-judgment.
For encouraging me.
For “getting” me.
For listening and nodding along and wanting to give me hugs.
I want to hug you right back. (And I hope to actually do that one day.)
Readers, I’m so happy that you found me.
And that I found you.
I’m happy to share myself, my family, my journey with YOU.
I’m even happier that you take 5 minutes out of your busy day to come read my rambles.
5 minutes that you could have spent reading someone else’s words or picking your nose.
Simply put….I like you.
I like you so much that I’m going to keep writing, motivating, sharing …..and being completely transparent.
Dear Eating Disorder,
I hate you.
So, so much.
I hate what you’ve done to my mind.
How I can’t seem to ever escape your pull, your toxic lure.
I hate what you’ve done to my body.
Making it weaker than it needs to be.
I hate how you always seem to beat down my spirit.
Introducing self-doubt, depression and negativity.
I hate that I’ve wasted SO many years listening to your lies.
I hate how you’ve damaged good relationships with friends and family.
I hate that sometimes you have control. And I’m left helpless.
No effing more!
Eating Disorder, I’m breaking up with you.
Breaking free of the putrid stench you leave on my life.
Breaking free from the darkness.
I choose to run into the light. The marvelous light.
ED, you suck.
Plain and simple.
And I’m tired of courting you.
With all my heart,
Yesterday, for the first time in quite a while (6-8 months?), I felt the desire to purge. Like I left my kids to watch their movie, walked into the bathroom and stood over the toilet.
I didn’t allow myself the relief that purging would have brought.
I chose to stop. To walk away.
Something that took all my willpower.
I’ve never closeted my history with an ED, but I’m not always as open about it as you might like.
The truth is – I still struggle with it.
The negative thoughts, the contemplation of restriction or binge/purging.
It’s there. My ED is still there.
I would never let myself eat this entire burger. Maybe 1/3.
It pains me to say that. But it’s the truth.
And by speaking it and admitting it, I can bring light to it.
I had a reader email me recently, sharing her own struggles with bulimia. (This is SO common, guys! More than I ever thought possible. I get emails ALL THE TIME!)
I told her about my struggles and gave her some coping advice.
You see, the difference between yesterday and say, 8 years ago, is that I now know how to take control of my thoughts. How to capture them and mold them into something different – and THAT is where recovery starts.
Here is what has worked FOR ME over the past 8 years in dealing with disordered eating and poor body image.
HOW TO OVERCOME AN EATING DISORDER/DISORDERED EATING:
1. TALK ABOUT IT!
Tell someone. A friend. A family member. A counselor. Your husband.
The thing is – they probably know already. And if they don’t, they won’t be as judgmental as you think. I promise.
Reach out! People want to help. That’s the way we’re designed.
2. SPEAK YOUR ACTIONS!
This one has helped me tremendously. As you’re thinking these negative thoughts or going through the actions of binging and purging, SPEAK YOUR ACTIONS. What I mean is, say out loud, “I’m going to the bathroom now to make myself throw up.” “I’m sticking my finger down my throat.” “I’m fake eating so that I can control my calories.”
When you assign WORDS to your ACTIONS, it gives your mind a chance to catch up with your body. Then you take back control over the situation.
3. TAKE OWNERSHIP!
An ED is so very active. Never passive. You actively choose to starve yourself. You actively choose to make yourself throw up.
YOU do this. Nobody else. No one’s forcing you to act this way. Take ownership.
Then relinquish that ownership and stop doing what you’re doing.
4. KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS!
Become aware of what triggers your ED. It might be a person, reading food blogs or fitness magazines, or certain foods. For instance, what set me off yesterday was a simple spoonful of Cookies and Cream ice cream. (Ice cream was something I’d binge on in the past (then purge), so I know that I need to be careful around it.) I also avoid a couple of healthy living blogs because they make me feel bad about myself. Over time, I’ve found out what sets me off.
KNOW WHAT TRIGGERS THOSE NEGATIVE BODY IMAGE THOUGHTS.
Then avoid them.
5. HAND IT OVER!
One of my favorite scriptures sums this point up….
Romans 12: 1-21 – “…present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do NOT be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
– “Present your bodies” – a strong and healthy body, not a sickly body that you’ve abused.
– “Do not be conformed to this world” – meaning don’t succumb to peer pressure to look a certain way or eat certain foods. This “world” places far too great a value on the superficial.
– “What is GOOD and ACCEPTABLE and PERFECT” – An eating disorder is absolutely NONE of these things.
Hand over this burden to God. To prayer. To listening to the Holy Spirit (what some might call your conscience).
These are just a scant few of the ways to approach recovery – and every person is different. The main point I want to hit home….
Recovery is a journey, not a destination.
A journey that makes us WAY stronger. Able to change our minds. Able to encourage others.
A journey that simply must be taken.
Dear Eating Disorder,
This post felt good to write.
This post was a slap in your face.
Until next time…said no one ever.
I’m over you.
QUESTION: Poor body image – thoughts/solutions/something I didn’t cover? If you were to write a “breakup” letter to something, what would it be?
Happy Thursday (and opening night for you who care)
First theme, then things.
This week I have a fun little surprise lined up for Tuesday Trainer. I asked my great friend and fellow trainer, Tamara (aka fitknitchick) to take over my blog! I’ve had people take over in the past (Bonnie, Janetha and Bex) and it always provides a little change of scenery for you guys and allows me to take a TT break. I’m grateful that Tamara offered to take over – thanks, friend.
She picked the theme, she’ll put together the workout, and you’ll be uploading your video as a response to HER video below! Got it? Good.
The theme for this week’s Tuesday Trainer is FAMILY & FRIEND FITNESS!!
**Remember, if you don’t have a child, use a friend or family member!! Don’t let anything keep you from filming a submission!**
When you submit…
- Tell us who you are! If you blog, tell us the URL!
- Do the exercises correctly! Tamara won’t post videos with improper form or sketchy descriptions.
- Be yourself – let that personality shine through!
- Anyone can participate. I encourage ALL fitness levels to submit a video!
Video submissions are due next Monday, the 25th, by 8pm, EST!
Please have them to me before the deadline or you risk not being featured! Go here to learn how to upload your video.
Can’t wait to see how this turns out!!
1. This. Me. Everyday.
2. I’d like to confess something. I wash my hair every day. Sometimes twice if its particularly stinky or sweaty. Collective gasp.
Last week while I was getting my hair cut, the stylist gave me this questionnaire to fill out (I know – haircutting is serious, ya’ll!) and one of the questions was, “How often do you wash your hair?”
Daily wasn’t even an option. Like anyone would ever do that.
3. I spent a coon’s age pinning stuff yesterday (that’s an undeterminable amount of time. Coon’s can’t tell time.). Specifically, I made a fun Fitfluential Bucket List board of fitness related goals that I’d like to accomplish – take a look at it – anyone want to join me for one of the races?!
4. I’ve done p90x Yoga FOUR days in a row. That’s a new record for the amount of time I’m willing to listen to Tony Horton talk.
Clara’s chair pose could eat your chair pose for breakfast. She told me to say that.
5. Somehow sex came up among the 75 year olds in Aqua Power yesterday. (Somehow sex comes up in most of my conversations. Common denominator?) Anyway, I learned quite a bit. Like that diabetes is a really bad libido killer and that half of the class was reading 50 Shades Of Grey. And not just the women. Yep. And yep. Happiness radiated through my skin when that class was finally over.
And that’s all she I wrote for today.
Make it a great one, guys!
QUESTION: How often do you wash your hair?? What other “rules” do you break? <-ME? Sometimes, ok always, I go swimming like 5 minutes after I’ve eaten. I know. I know. I know.
I’ve been meaning to do a “What I Ate Wednesday” post since, well, forever. But I’ve just never had the patience to take a picture of every single thing that enters my mouth.
Because I’d be charging my camera battery on a daily basis.
I’m what you might call a snacker.
Meaning I graze ALL. DAY. LONG.
If you were to ask me what I ate for breakfast, I’d ask which one? I’m basically a hobbit.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve eaten like this. Six or eight mini meals a day.
Benefits of Eating Mini-Meals:
- Better digestion. When I consume smaller portions, my body has a better chance to break down the food. There’s not a big 500 calorie meal sitting in my stomach.
- Higher metabolism. Smaller, healthy meals = Furnace is stoked!!
- Reduced chance of overeating. You next meal is coming soon. No need to gobble up everything in sight.
If you don’t know what WIAW is, you’ve been living under a healthy living blogger rock I’ll educate you!
And by that, I mean I’ll copy straight from Jenn’s blog.
Some WIAW thoughts:
- After doing this yesterday, I noticed that I eat all day long. And that I exercise all day long.
- I eat too many processed foods (protein powder, protein bars, Annie bunnies).
- One thing I’m good at = drinking water! 120 ounces. Like a boss.
- How do food bloggers remember to post pictures every single meal? Kudos, guys. I kept forgetting to do it.
- I will never be a 100% clean eater. Sanity reigns. Chocolate makes me happy.
- There were bites of random things that I didn’t picture. Some I remember: spoonful of ice cream, handful of almonds, bite of a Fruition bar, a Dum Dum from the bank – Cream Soda – best one in my opinion.
On to the day:
Most mornings, I play the “pick a bar from the overflowing pile on your way out the door” game.
I chose a Simply Bar and drank it down with fitmixer aminos.
This combo fueled a early morning arm workout.
I grabbed an unpictured 200-calorie smoothie from the gym while training a client. Ingredients: Vanilla protein powder, banana and skim milk.
After running errands (GNC, grocery store, bank), we came home and made lunch.
Veggie Sandwich (Smashed avocado, olive spread, sprouts, lettuce, tomato and spicy mustard on w.w. bread) with a side of Blue Diamond Nacho Chips (which are freakin’ AWESOME) and a gala apple.
Dessert: Some Cutie Patooties.
And a bear.
Put the kids down for nap. My mind wasn’t right (yelled at Henry too harshly for not listening – I apologized), so I needed to do SOMETHING.
Yoga X + Prayer
Carrots and broccoli dipped in Roots’ Black Bean Hummus (made in Asheville!!)
I picked up some chicken and broccoli slaw at the grocery store while we were out.
Broccoli slaw always makes me think of Kristin, so I searched her archives and found out how to roast it (it’s easy).
Chicken tenders with roasted broccoli slaw. And a handful of Ghiradelli chocolate chips for dessert.
After dinner, we sprinted off to the theater for another dress rehearsal (2 days till opening night!). Got home around 9:30 and had to have something before bed.
Kashi GoLean, Cinnamon Puffins, Sunflower Seed Butter and Unsweetened Almond Milk
Phew. And that’s my day in food. All of it tasty, mostly healthy. Fueled my body for the day’s activities. Success.
Guess I’m no longer a WIAW virgin!
QUESTION: What was your favorite meal from yesterday (or today)?? Do you participate in WIAW??
P.S. If you’re a blogger who makes their own images (for recipes or workouts), you simply MUST read Calee’s guide to better blog graphics!! Go here.
Tooting our horns yesterday was fun.
And I forgot to CROW myself. Just one for today – don’t want any eye rolling from the readership. It’s not a good look on you guys.
I’m a really good motivator.
If we were going into battle (because that seriously happens all the time….in my head), I’d be the one riding a horse, rallying the troops.
This personality trait bodes well in the fitness industry when you’re trying to get people to move their butts do something they don’t want to do.
It also works nicely with children and potty training and husbands and salads.
(unrelated picture, but it makes me smile)
Now I’m going to motivate you to read the rest of this post (which you should BOOKMARK!). You know you want to. I’ll give you candy.
The theme for this week’s Tuesday Trainer is REST!!
I honestly didn’t get a TRUE rest day this past week. I did p90x Yoga on Sunday (typically a rest day) and it was actually a pretty great workout! Lots of pushups and hard poses.
This week, I asked my trainers to answer a set of questions and encouraged them to wear their pajamas. Footie or not.
- What is your favorite exercise to get your heart rate up?
- What is your favorite workout pant?
- What time of day do you prefer to workout?
- Show me a unique talent (ex: can you click your tongue or cross your eyes?)
Here’s my “Meet Your Trainer”:
Since I was rushing, I didn’t get to show you my talent which is clapping with one hand. I think I’ve shown this before, but for any newbies….
Yep. True talent right there!
Now on to our trainers!!
(You simply must watch each of these, if only for their talents!! Double jointedness, weird fingers, nose flaring, failure to shower – it’s outrageous!)
Andi – andiandhercandy
Angela – happyfitmama
Heather – betterwithveggies (just tried to touch my thumb to my forearm – not possible – I call camera trickery)
Lindsay – cottercrunch
Paige – runningaroundnormal
Rhonda – kidsrunningwild (love how she got the kids involved!!!!)
Tamara – fitknitchick (whose unique talents lie off camera…hmmm)
LOVED this week, ladies!! Don’t get me wrong – working out makes me horny, but I like getting to know each other on Rest weeks! (yep, just said horny.)
THIS Thursday, I’ve got something special for you guys, so be sure to check back in.
Oh, and just as a little teaser….
Fitbloggin’. Baltimore. Who else is going??
QUESTION: What is your workout/rest day ratio right now? <- ME? It’s about 6/1 which I’d like to make 5/2 very soon!
In a society that tells me to self-deprecate, I gotta crow.
Even though I want to end most sentences, “Yeah, but I’m not really that ________ (smart, talented, pretty, skinny, fast, strong – insert your own positive adjective here), I gotta crow.
When I’m told to be overtly humble, I gotta crow.
When it’s easy to compare, to cower down, I simply have to crow.
As with all of my shows, I’m learning SO very much in Peter Pan. Like stereotyping Indians and pirates.
Perhaps the most important lesson: There’s a fine line that exists between boasting about oneself and being honest about one’s talents (aka, CROWING).
To boast = to speak with exaggeration and excessive pride, especially about oneself.
To be honest = to be genuine, sincere and unadulterated.
Simple. Be honest.
Also, if you can do xyz, resist the urge towards false modesty.
If you post a pretty picture of yourself, own it!
I think I’m pretty.
If you can run a 6 minute mile (and can really run it!), you can tell people that.
Without any add-ons at the end.
If you sew all of your children’s clothes from scratch, you can tell people about it.
And don’t say, “I sew my children’s clothes, BUT that’s only because we can’t afford to buy nice things from the store.”
Drop the “BUT”!!
That’s where the self-doubt lies.
We’re taught not to belittle others, to lift them up and congratulate. Tell them that they’re important.
But we hardly ever do this for ourselves!
I even think I’m pretty in this picture.
CROW! Crow about what you can do, what talents you have. In a non-boastful way.
Be proud, but thankful.
Crow about God and all these gifts He’s given you. Crow about what you’ve done with them. Crow about how you’ve used them for good!
You can do it.
Just let out a crow.
QUESTION: Crow about yourself!! What’s one thing you do well?? (And if you self-deprecate, I’ll cut you. Over the internet.)