Sitting down to blog real fast before my afternoon groups get here.  I’ve already planned out their workout so I have like 20 minutes to spare.  Porter and Clara are napping and Henry’s doing his schoolwork (which is Reading Eggs at the moment).  I’m at the kitchen table, snacking on some pretzels (these) and drinking some aminos.

Today was just like a perfect day.  Thursdays are the only day of the week where we don’t have ANY obligations until 3:45pm.  Every other day of the week, I lead my Trackstars group at 8am so we’re always rushing around first thing.  Today Travis let me sleep in until 8:10 and then I slowly got the day started.  The kids and I got a lot of schoolwork done and then we went to the park for a stroll and to play.  I didn’t raise my voice once, they listened, we laughed.  The SLOWNESS allowed for that I believe.

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I CRAVE days like today and need them more often than I allow.

I’m making some pretty BIG changes around here behind the scenes and stepping back from a few things.  I want to share more as things take place (and I will) but right now just isn’t the best time.  It’s scary….but needed.  In stepping back, I just keep seeing this pattern with myself.  I have serious over commitment issues.  I am a YES girl through and through.  I want to help where I see a need and I want to be involved in everything (EVERYTHING!!).  A couple of years ago I had to do this very same thing (only then it was much worse and I wasn’t being the best mom/wife at the time).  Remember my “Season of No”?  These latest changes are smaller.  I feel like I’m pretty balanced as far as my attention to being present with my family goes (MUCH better than years past).  I just don’t want to even begin down that path again so I’m nipping it in the bud right now.

I feel like as a strong, capable woman, I’m constantly at battle with myself.  Part of me yearns for more recognition and stuff (my flesh) and the other part (my spirit) cries out for simplicity.  How does one balance those two pulls?  The spirit must win.  It must.

I KNOW for certain that there are many great things that come from my MoveMore/Trackstars groups, my involvement in Blend, this blog, etc.  I KNOW that in my heart of hearts.  I have offers all the time to step out MORE, do MORE….all outside the house.  With all of this questioning, one truth remains – I am meant to be a stay-at-home mama.  I am meant to homeschool.  I am meant to be available to my husband when he needs me.  Anything more than those truths and I really need to consider the motive.

I know I’m not alone in this battle between flesh and spirit.  Maybe you have different pulls than I do but we’re both the same – simply trying to figure life out.  Because it’s so NOT simple or easy or basic.  It’s complex and messy and there really isn’t “one best.”

I don’t have a great ending to these rambles.  Just wanted to share a bit about what’s going on and give YOU the chance to know you’re not alone.  I’m right there with you.

Will you hold my hair back?

splendid…lindsay

  1. Kate says:

    You and I are going through the same thing right now. Albeit, my situation is a bit different since I am not a mother. I’ve been overloading myself with crazy work hours (very very early mornings and the working again at night), leaving me little time to socialize or sleep. After a couple of months, it started to drain me. My body was fighting back, but failing. I was feeling depressed, sick, irritable, didn’t look forward to work (training clients) and just wanted to nap allllll day and eat alllll day. This was not a life to live and love! I made some big decisions to cut back. I am leaving two of the 4 gyms I train at and I am going to be down to just one by the end of the summer.

    We have to remind ourselves of who we are living life for. Others? Or ourselves? At the end of the day, we (and our family, loved ones, etc.) are all we have. We must take care of ourselves first. I have claimed this as MY season of no, as well. It’s time to simplify and make memories of joy, not dread and dissatisfaction. Good for you, for figuring out what’s best for YOU. No one else. It’s hard…I like to please people and say yes to everything. It just takes us folk more time and error to figure it all out. :)

  2. Kanoelani says:

    Yep I totally understand. Im single & no kids haha & I’m an over-committer haha. I say “No” & sometimes k feel bad like I can do or give more but it’s just exhausting as you noted. There is so much I really would like to do(starting a blog is one) but due to over-committing I feel it’s holding me back. Gahhh help haha!! Hugs!! God is still so good to me no matter what :)) and

  3. Bonnie says:

    Love how you want to nip things in the bud before they start…You have such a neat heart and I know you make Jesus so happy, Linds. Thanks for sharing. My issues aren’t overcommitment…I’m not always sure what they are, to be honest. But the war between my spirit and flesh IS so real. I should spend more time thinking about this today. Thanks for the reminder and for the value of simplicity – we crave it too and our lives are so go-go-go that it’s often tough to remember your priorities. “Will you hold my hair back?” Sure. :)

  4. Jolene says:

    Oh I have the same struggles, with yes’ing too many things, with the ‘guilt prison’ I pull myself into sometimes, and I crave simplicity YET schedule and routine too, which sometimes battle each other ;) I have gotten a lot better at not overscheduling but there’s still room to improve and to let go of setting such high expectations of myself sometimes. You are an amazing mom and wife and do so much, I love that you are also always working on YOU and doing what’s best for you as well as your family xo

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