It’s currently Sunday night.
I just sat down on the couch.
I’ve got Travis’ cuddly blue robe on and I’m about to head into the kitchen for my nightly bowl of cereal (on a frosted mini-wheats streak right not that I don’t forsee ending anytime soon). My hands smell of lavender – a reminder of the bath I just gave Porter. We laughed and laughed as I dribbled water onto his belly and he tried to catch hold of it. The most rudimentary of science projects – learning that you can’t really “catch” water.
Anyway, I’m sat down to crank out a quick “Weekend Scenes” post. I’m shocked that there are a total of four pictures that I’ve taken over the weekend.
I made banana bread. It was a little dry.
Except deep down, I’m not surprised at all. Four pictures seems like four too many right now.
I’ve felt this shift in myself for quite sometime now.
This internal struggle that I’ll try to get out of my head and out onto “paper” and even doing that feels like it’s taking too much time away from the things that matter most.
Point blank: I kinda over blogging.
And taking pictures.
And sharing moments. My moments. OUR moments.
This feeling…it’s not something that’s new. I remember a year into this gig (I’m in my fourth year now) thinking, “Blogging is ….well….selfish.”
Thinking that your life is so important that someone else would think it’s worth reading about is, inherently, selfish.
Taking selfies. Self centered.
Taking pictures of your food. A little ridiculous.
Saying, “Hold up! Let me document this on Instagram,” and then completely missing the moment. That’s selfish.
Even when you go in with the right motives (which are?!?), most of what goes into writing a post, taking the pictures for a post and then promoting that post is somewhat self serving. You can KNOW this and still do it…but it won’t fulfill you. Not nearly as much as actually being IN those moments that you’re scrambling to share. Sometimes there’ll be this purely magical moment of my children playing together or my husband smiling in this certain way and the blogger-me wants to immediately break that special moment, grab my phone, snap a picture and then post it so everyone else can see how magical it was/is. Except that doing so takes me and that person OUT of the magic, interrupting something that might never take place again. And all so I can show other people.
Don’t get me wrong – my motive behind sharing is pure. I just want for others to see. Not to think that I’m magical….but that these moments are magical. That my GOD is wonderful enough to bless me with these moments. So in that sense, I don’t think the sharing is necessarily wrong or selfish. In fact, there is bound to be some “sharing of the gospel”-good in social media. Right?!
I find myself not blogging as much. Not posting to Instagram or Facebook as much. I find myself retreating to my house, this little corner, and not wanting to give any of the pieces away. Our pieces. Because doing so DOES take me out of the moment. It takes me away from being present.
I’m not sure what the end result will be or what will come. I just wanted to share a snippet of my heart and how I’m feeling these days. Maybe you can relate.
That word. I love it so.
And again I’m reminded why I blog.
QUESTION: How can we still do this (social media, blogging) and also remain PRESENT??