I learn something new almost every day.
Like just yesterday I learned that if we have another baby, Clara would like to name it “Jemily.” Except when she says it, it sounds like “Jem-a-yee.”
Gender neutral. Naturally.
And as I learn and grow in my adulthood, I’m finding that I have less time to worry about what others think, less time to fret over getting approval and less desire to please.
And these are all good things.
I look back and I can see the slow, gradual change towards this “relaxation” but I think my “AHA!!!-moment” came last year when I quit my job. Instead of talking about making a change for the betterment of my family, I took action. It was liberating and frightening ….and hard.
You see – I am your typical YES girl. Stepping away or quitting something is really hard for me because everything in me wants to make sure that the boss/the company/the friend is happy with my decision too. But sometimes you can’t have both: the stepping away AND their approval of it. For probably the first time in my life, the sting of letting others down just didn’t sting so much last summer.
I saw (see) that as great progress.
Example: My church family brought over several meals after Porter was born. Such a HUGE blessing, but the thing with meals and a newborn…scheduling can be difficult. On more than one occasion, it was best for the cook to bring the meal at a time that wasn’t best for me, usually naptime when I wanted to lay down and get some sleep too. Instead of staying up and waiting for the meal, I simply told the person to leave it on my doorstep.
I would have NEVER done this before. Seems selfish. Rude.
But all those women…they totally understood.
And it all worked out.
I’m learning that true friends will understand that your house is a mess. They’ll understand that it’s hard to get Clara’s hair brushed (she hates it) or that paper plates are preferred. They’ll understand that a nap is sometimes better than conversation.
True friends will look past all those things I do that make myself look more “put together.”
They won’t mind. (actually…they’ll probably love you all the more for it.)
There’s such a relaxing peace in knowing that all of the superficial crap that we do, all those attempts at perfection – they don’t matter. Not really. I’m not saying I’m giving up on life. I’m saying that I’m finally in a place where I can choose (with no regrets) when to say no.
When to say, “Hey! You know what – I need a nap today. It’s not a good time for me.”
QUESTION: Are you a YES girl? A people pleaser?