on being squishy and my priorities

May 30, 2014 in Baby, Blog, ED, Food, Motherhood, Over-Exercise, Oversharing, Postpartum by lindsaymwright

(I’m going to think out loud today. 

About my body and mind.  Which isn’t your body or mind. 

So just bare with me and listen while I ramble, list-style.

These are #firstworldproblems for sure.)

I’m nearly 7 weeks postpartum.

And my body is a bit squishy.

Nothing a few months won’t fix.

But still squishy…for me.

I have cellulite on my thighs and butt.

My belly skin is loose.

Like I said, I’m nearly 7 weeks postpartum.

So there’s definitely a lot of room for grace there.

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I’m nursing Porter.

He eats.

A lot.

Every 2 hours lately.

I must eat to keep up my milk supply.

A lot of food.

I must drink water to keep up my milk supply.

A lot of water.

I’m always hungry.

Nursing and little sleep do this to my body.

I have an eating disordered past.

I deal with a set of mental struggles with food and exercise.

I conquer every voice.

Beat them down.

But for that split second before I can win, the “you-should-be-dieting-or-working-out-more”-voice rings in my ear.

For a split second, my mind races and I become anxious.

I can’t allow myself to restrict food.

In any way.

Not even going there.

Nope.

Dieting isn’t an option.

((But I’m squishy.))

Working out more/for longer/harder isn’t an option.

((But I’m squishy.))

Counting, weighing, numbers…not options.

((But I’m squishy.))

So where does that leave me?? 

What are my priorities??

Family, faith, friends, fellowship…..but…but…where does “having that super hot body” fall??

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The facts are these:  I’m healthy.  Fit.  Strong.

And with hands tied, I’m learning patience.

And, for what feels like the millionth time, I see that all this body talk distracts me from my priorities.

How many flipping times will I have this conversation with myself!?!?

I, I, I

Me, me, MEEEEEEE!

See… that’s the problem in the first place.

Vanity.

What an utter waste of time, thinking about yourself.

Perhaps I should find something better to do.

((But I’m squi….))

Oh shut up!!!

———–

QUESTION:  Vanity.  Let’s talk.  Are we getting healthy for our health or for our looks?

splendid…lindsay