If you’re new to LL, let me clue you in on what’s going on around here.
I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with our 3rd (5th?) child. Last November, and again in April of this year, I suffered miscarriages. Heart wrenching. Life changing. So when I tell you that this current pregnancy is the answer to months of prayer, it makes good sense. Just the mere fact that I already HAVE two children, that I’ve been able to conceive, carry and birth them is a blessing I didn’t deserve. But now I get to do it AGAIN?!?! Oh how my Father provides!
While I’m OVERJOYED with this chance, this BLESSING, I’m also really sick. For the past month, there really hasn’t been a moment in my day that I’ve felt “myself.” Extreme nausea and (some) vomiting have left me weary and weak. As of today, I’ve lost 11 pounds. Eating is a chore and I find myself going to bed most nights at 8pm just to escape the day (only to wake up in this hellish “Groundhog Day”-existence again).
It’s sometimes hard to find JOY in that. In fact, I’d say that the first two weeks of this sickness I was depressed. Barely functioning. No joy. No hope.
For 28 days, every day, multiple times a day, I would cry out to God for a miracle. “Lord, please heal me completely today! Take this nausea away so that I may be a light to others. Please do it NOW! Today! Please.”
Nothing. <-(or seemingly so.)
I’m still sick.
As much as I might want to question God and His power, I know (believe, trust) some things about my Abba.
1) God is good.
No matter what, I trust that God is good and that His ways are higher and better than mine. His love for me knows no bounds. It’s fun to think that the creator of all things big and small, the creator of the stars and the sun and the seasons, THAT same God loves me with a furious love that none could equal.
2) God answers prayer.
God’s word is not void. Multiple times in scripture, God reaches out and fulfills prayer (I’m thinking Matthew 7:7, Isaiah 65:24). Sometimes it’s quick, miracle-like. Other times it takes YEARS to fulfill. YEARS! Just because God isn’t answering my exact prayer at the exact moment that I’d like Him to, doesn’t mean that He’s not going to answer. It’s in the moments of waiting, desperately crying out, relying on Him just to make it through the next hour – it’s during those times that we grow strongest. That He is strongest IN us.
I also believe that God answers in different ways. I may want healing TODAY, but God might answer that prayer by making me STRONGER today. Not exactly what I asked for, but an answer nonetheless. I’m told to “lean not on my own understanding.”
3) There’s power in the, “And If Not.”
I can ask for xyz daily, by the minute. God easily has the power to provide. AND IF NOT – if He doesn’t speak when I want Him to? What then? ….Then I wait. And trust. And my faith doesn’t diminish, but grows stronger. Because I cannot ever do this on my own. If God doesn’t answer when I want Him to, I still believe that He is faithful. That He is good. And that He knows best.
There is a great faith that abounds in the, “And if not,” times! God demands that faith from us.
I just want to encourage anyone who might be going through a difficult time, when God seems so distant, that A) you’re not alone and B) He is actively (right this minute, this second) working on your behalf. God has already answered SO many of my prayers and wishes – far more quick answers than long drawn out ones. I fully believe that He’s working on this silly morning sickness stuff and that soon, with perseverance, it will all be a faint memory.
Until He fully answers, I’ll wait. I’ll pray (without ceasing – 1 Thes. 5:17). And I’ll continue to feel SUPER blessed.
QUESTION: Anything to add??
P.S. I’m so very thankful for your constant prayers and emails and messages. They warm my weary heart!
Many prayers for you Lindsay. I’d say that, regardless of how you feel, God is certainly working in your life to bring you the clarity and peace to know and understand that He IS with you and working in you and through you. Who knows, perhaps this very post is the encouragement someone else needs to get through something difficult or become a believer? Hoping you turn that glorious 2nd trimester corner soon. For me it was 14 w 4 days. Also, I’m sure you’ve already tried everything, but if you are looking for other resources, you might check out Miriam Erik’s book called Managing Morning Sickness. Cheers!
I’m so happy you are having another baby, but I am so sorry you feel lowsy!! I hope your prayers are answered and you are feeling “normal” again soon!!
I love this! Definitely a good read after a long day!
Hope you get well soon! :)
I’m sorry to hear you’re still feeling pretty miserable! I’ve never been pregnant, but I can only imagine how horrible and soul-wearying prolonged nausea and sickness would be.
I LOVE your perspective, though. Especially the “and if not”…such an important part of our faith! He is good when He gives the answers we want, and if not He is still the all good, omniscient, unchanging Almighty who deserves our unwavering devotion. (Thankfully He gives us mercy when we do waver, because I for one am far too easily shaken by the valleys and the storms!)
Praying for you, your family, and especially the sweet blessing growing inside you!
This post right here might be one of the reasons he’s decided to not heal you quite yet – WOW! This is so powerful and so difficult, because we want things our way! You are an encouragement to me today in this, thank you for the reminder that He is faithful regardless of what we can see today. And I’m still praying for you! :)
How fun to have a preggo buddy! I am 3 weeks behind you – due in May. I’ve definitely been feeling the nausea and food aversions, but nothing too terrible yet. I’m praying it doesn’t get too much worse. On the other hand, I’ll take every symptom I have to, I’m just SO thankful to be pregnant! This is my first babe, so it’s all new to me!
This is a really great post, Lindsay…It can be so easy to get frustrated with God (for me anyway) when I don’t think He’s “answering” certain prayers, but really, I know that He’s already paved the way for my life. And that path that’s He’s paved for each of us is better than anything we can come up with on our own.
always thinking of you sweetie!! wishing you feel better soon :)
God works in mysterious ways sometimes, hang in there
thinking about you, too.
You have been through so much in the last year but you will be stronger for it all! I hope the nausea subsides for you but dig deep, find the strength and send it to the little one growing inside of you. Sending you all of the love and strength that I can.
I’m sure you just feel absolutely awful right now, but it will pass and, like you said, be a distant memory. Studying for the Bar exam this summer was the worst summer of my life. Those last three weeks? I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone – like you, I didn’t feel myself: I was depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, physically ill from all my nerves and literally could do nothing but study 10 hours a day. But then it ended. And at least you’ll have a beautiful baby at the end of your struggle! Haha I just (maybe) get to add Esquire to the end of my name.
What a blessing it is to get to read about your prayerful and hopeful spirit as He works within you in so many ways! I’ve been praying for you and will continue to do so!
I’m not sure what you’ve tried for your nausea (i’m sure everything), and I don’t want to make it worse by mentioning specifics, but just in case, with my morning sickness I felt the most “OK” when I sipped on [insert something that sounds doable] throughout the day but also and more importantly sipped on it anytime I woke up in the night to use the bathroom…the more I was able to keep just a little bit of anything in there around the clock, the more it helped.
Love and hugs!!
So well said. While I haven’t had sickness-induced depression, I have had depression, and I know those feelings well. I love the phrase AND IF NOT. So true! Sometimes He says “NO” because He has something even greater in store for us…sometimes He says “Not right now” because He’s not finished working on us where we are just yet. I know that you are covered in prayer, and I know that He hears you, He loves you, He knows you. And I’m so thankful that you’re at week 10!! Thankful for you and praying for you. xoxo
Hey, Lindsay!! I am so sorry that you are still feeling so bad!!! I have been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, even though it’s been a little while since I have asked you directly. I will continue to pray for you to feel better and for a healthy pregnancy!! :-) Love you! <3
God never gives us more than we can handle (with His help)….that always helps me through a tough time! Hang in there, you'll feel yourself again in no time! xo
HUGS! I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with Hunter. I felt hopeless, depressed, and totally bummed. But as you know, those several weeks of nausea hell were SO worth it. :)
You have been on my mind each and every day and in my prayers. I pray that God wraps you and your little one in His warmth and love (which I know HE is doing). Continued prayers for you feeling better! xoxo
Thank you, Lindsay. The reminder to trust is something we need daily! I appreciate your honesty.
Hang in there, Lindsay! I struggled with morning sickness with my kids too. We are trying to get pregnant again as well. I’m nervous about being sick again, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This is the day that the Lord has made.
You know I am always thinking of you! I hope the sickness subsides soon for you girl <3 I know it will <3
you are covered in prayer. AND HE WILL come through. He is using you. Because.. when you are weak, HE is strong. AMEN friend. <3 you.
As you already know, I can relate 100% to how you’re feeling right now. I continue to pray that each day gets a little easier for you and that you start to feel like yourself more sooner rather than later. XOXO
you know I’m thankful for your prayers!
I don’t what you have been taught about faith and receiving, however, I have been taught that once we ask God for something & receive it by faith – we don’t have to ask again. All we have to do is praise Him and thank Him for the work He has already done (He already healed you when He died on the cross). I don’t mean to come off critically, I just kind of felt lead to say this – You don’t have to plead with God to heal you today. You already have it! Walk by your faith and simply thank Him for it everyday- no matter what you feel like, no matter what your symptoms may say. Let Him be your strength :) you don’t have to do it alone or on your own. (Mark 11:24)
I am so happy for you! (obviously not the “sick” part ;) ) Sending much love and many prayers to you and yours.