I’ve been going back and forth, pondering on whether or not I should share what’s been going on with me these past few weeks.  Currently, I’m sitting on an airplane, headed to Salt Lake City, tears in my eyes, thinking about how very blessed I am.  Flying does that for me.  Makes me appreciate all of the small and big things that I have – flying makes you evaluate your life.  Or at least it does for me.  Hours of silence, spent hovering 30,000 feet above the ground – I can’t think of a better place to pray and weep and be grateful.

My life lately….

…has been hard.  That’s putting it lightly.

Three full weeks of dawn to dusk nausea. Severe nausea.  Vomiting.  Fatigue.  Headaches.

I’m barely holding on.  And I’m a fighter.

But the source of this sickness is where the blessing comes in.

I’m pregnant.

Yes!

Again.  So soon after what happened last November.

And I’m so thankful.  And I’m so blessed.  And I’m so in love already.

Yet, as I sit here typing this above rolling clouds, there lies a great uncertainty about the health of this little one.

The last few weeks = Blood tests, tears, ultrasounds.

All to tell me that my little bean doesn’t seem to be growing like it should.

This weekend I’m putting a smile on my face, soaking up this time with great friends (friends who have been praying for me since day one), and I plan to be as merry as possible.**

On Monday (as you’re reading this), at 10:00am, I will go back for another ultrasound.  Perhaps the final one.  To see if there’s been any change or growth.

I desperately need to see growth.

I’m sharing all of this, not because I want you to feel sorry for me or to get attention.  But because I really want for my friends to know what I’m going through and I consider you all friends.  I think more than that, I’m sharing because I’d love some prayer and I believe in the collective power of it.  My life, this sweet baby’s life, they are in God’s hands.  He gives and takes away.  My heart will choose to say, “Lord, blessed be Your name!”  I choose to praise.

Flying always does this to me.

Brings me to this place where, once again, time after time, I’m reminded how very beautiful and heart wrenching life can be.

And I can’t help but cry.

splendid…lindsay

**Edited on the plane ride home.  This weekend was JUST what I needed.  A brief escape from my thoughts and a great time of fellowship with some very dear friends.  I’m so thankful for the breath of fresh air.

  1. Katie says:

    Sending SO MANY PRAYERS AND LOVE <3 My heart is heavy for you, you are SUCH a beautiful person and it breaks my heart that you had to go through what you did when pregnant last time. I am thinking of you and sending positive prayers, love you Lindsay <3 stay strong and hopeful <3

  2. Catherine says:

    Hang in there Lindsay- God is with you and your little one – he will always bless you!!! Stay strong in your faith.

  3. chelsey @ clean eating chelsey says:

    I am praying like mad for you and this little one. I love how you worship God even in the hardest of times. This song by Meredith Andrews always brings me to tears because it is SO true.

    “And after all You are constant
    After all You are only good
    After all You are sovereign
    Not for a moment will You forsake me.”

    Never have there been better words spoken. Love you lady!

  4. Maria says:

    Since I read this post this morning, you’ve been in my thoughts and prayers. Prayers for your health, the baby’s health and for peace and reassurance. God’s Plan is never very clear to us in the beginning, but I hope you find the strength to trust it.

    Best wishes, friend!

  5. Deidre says:

    Lindsay,
    I am praying like a mad woman for you and your precious one. God is so much bigger than we can ever give Him credit for and I know in my heart that He has BIG plans for you and your family.

  6. Lindsay says:

    Every prayer for you and your sweet bean. I’ll even ask my three and a half year old to say some, her prayers are the sweetest :)

  7. misszippy says:

    so sorry…sending you prayers and understanding. I’ve been there four times over. It all ended on a good note, though, with two healthy babies (now 8 and 12) and your story will have the same ending. Hugs!

  8. Andrea says:

    You got it. Prayers for you and your whole family. Glad you had a weekend to get away and forget just for a bit. Thinking of you!

  9. Heather @ Rise & Shine Life says:

    Started praying as soon as I read the title of this post & haven’t stopped! It’s 11, so your appt is probably over or wrapping up, but I am praying for health, His peace & that this ultrasound is the first of many to monitor the GROWTH of the sweet blessing inside!!

  10. Deb D. says:

    Awwwwe……I will be meeting your for the first time in a few short weeks. But from what I’ve been reading you are a very strong lady! Strength carries over to our little ones (beans and all) whether we realize it or not. Prayers for you and your family!

  11. Brooke says:

    Oh, Lindsay. My heart aches for you. It’s almost 11 your time now, so you’ve probably already had your ultrasound…but I’m praying. Praying that whatever the outcome, you feel His presence in a mighty way. I know your amazing heart for Him, and I know His desire to bless that heart beyond our understanding. Loving you, praying for you!!

  12. Heather says:

    Girl you know I’ve been praying for you… Haven’t stopped and won’t. I strangely read this at 10am and prayed for you through my entire run. Still praying. Looking forward to hearing how God answers. Cause he always does. Romans 8:28

  13. Susie says:

    Sending MUCH love and hope your way. Thinking of you lots, and crossing my fingers for your growing family. Please keep your friends out here posted – we love and care about you!!! xo

  14. Suzi O says:

    Oh my sweet girl! I am lifting you up right now at 1030am. I know that He loves you and He is in control. Peace to you and Travis. I love you both so much and wish I could hug you right now.

  15. Bonnie says:

    Thank you so much for sharing, Lindsay…praying and thinking of you right now! Our God is greater… than the fear, the uncertainty, the unknown… even in the midst of the pain and confusion. I really believe that and have seen his faithfulness in our lives again and again. I know you have too. :) Love you so much… So sorry to hear of your pain, friend.

  16. Amy B says:

    Thanks for sharing Lindsay! I will be praying many prayers over you and your family! There is always purpose in God’s plan!

    “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

  17. Katie @ Peace Love & Oats says:

    Oh Lindsay, I will definitely be praying for you and your little bean today, I’m sure this experience has been very trying for you and Travis and I hope you’re both able grow through the challenges He gives you (and that your little bean grows too!). And I 100% agree, flying is so reflective for me, especially heading out west when you can look down over all those beautiful mountains.

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