Before I start
with the nonsense, I must say happy birthday to my mama! I love you!! Thanks for being so amazing!
I’m in a mood. The mood to ramble. None of this will make any sense all put together, lots of grammatical errors (Janetha is gritting her teeth) and there might not even be pictures. You should probably get a beverage of your choice and an unhealthy snack. I’ll wait.
Got it? Good.
(Did you pick a sugary cereal?? I totally would have. Right now we have these things called, “Good MOREnings,” which are like Cheerios but they’re VANILLA flavored!! A great find at Big Lots. Go get some. But not right this second.)
We’re so close to being done with our house remodel – I can feel it! One more room to paint, then the floors to refinish, then MOVE. I’m thinking we’ll be in by the first week of April. You might not remember (as it was literally SO long ago), but we bought this house back in AUGUST of last year! That’s NINE months of remodeling work. Weekends spent doing tedious work. Sleepless nights. Ok – there were no sleepless nights. Had you told me it would have taken this long, I would have laughed in your face. Because we bought a house that was “move in ready.” My butt.
A joke (provided by my lovely friend, Maddy, who probably made it up herself – bless it.) “What do you call a cow on the floor?” Answer – “Ground beef.”
I’ve gotten into the habit of NEEDING an afternoon cup of coffee. Not good. Especially because I pair it with a peanut butter bar or something else that’s super sweet (<-side note – I don’t really like coffee with salty foods. It pairs best with sugar.) Every day I aim to wean myself from that second cup and every day I fail. I’m ok with that.
I was thinking the other day about something. I really HATE dressing my children. Like the physical act of putting on clothes and matching a top to the bottom – bleck. I can’t get with the program. Unfortunately, this lack of desire does not bode well with my mother and mother-in-law. I believe the word, “scragamuffin,” has been muttered under their breath on multiple occasions and not always directed at my children. P.S. I don’t do hair either. Mine or Clara’s. I should feel bad about that but I really don’t. It’s not a battle I’m willing to take on. Meh.
A battle I am willing to fight? Creating more time for my husband and I. With the house, tax season (travis works at a tax software company), the show and all the other crap we have going on, it can seem like we’re two ships passing in the night. I don’t like that. I want my ship to rub up real close to his ship. <-yup. I wrote that. Pow. Ship date coming this weekend!
I’m this close to being good at getting up in the mornings to work out. If you could see how far apart my hands are right now, you’d understand the this better. Why is it so much harder for me to put my contacts in my eyeballs at 6AM versus 8AM?!?! It stings. Am I alone in this?? I’m bringing back the, “glasses are chic in the gym,”-look. It’s going to be a thing.
Another joke from Maddy. “What has four legs, a back and no eyes?” Answer – “A chair.” <-not as good as the cow joke. try again.
A moment of honesty here. Henry wore these socks for a full day before I noticed that they weren’t exactly made for a nearlyfiveyearold person. I hate to perpetuate this 90’s joke, but, “Lindsay, here’s your sign.” Winning at momhood. That’s me. P.S. After I took this picture, I didn’t run back to the bedroom and grab another pair of socks. He kept wearing these infant socks for the remainder of the day. May I remind you that I hate dressing my children?
Last chance, Maddy. “What has lots of eyes but can’t see?” Answer – “A potato.” <-you lose.
“What has lots of eyes but can’t see?”
Answer – “Who flippin’ cares. It’s FRIDAY!!”
QUESTION: Tell me something random. Anything. Or the latest joke you heard.
**To be fair to Maddy, she did give me these (a little bit funnier) jokes in addition to those (less funnier ) ones above:
“Did you hear about the guy who got in a wreck last week and lost his left arm and leg?” – “He’s alRIGHT now.”
“How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?” Answer – “Ten-tickles.”
Memorize these for your water cooler meetings.
My 4 year old daughter turned and said to me yesterday (as she was watching TV): “Mom, how come when you are in the room I don’t hear you or see you?” – Exactly
I absolutely love my morning and afternoon coffee. I usually have food paired with it :)
What do you get when you cross a famous rock star with a vegetable?
Elvis Parsley. Insert drum roll here.
Hope you’re having a great weekend. Have the ships sailed yet? hehe ;)
“I want my ship to rub up real close to his ship” <- LOVE IT!!! Hahaha! And I've told that ground beef joke at LEAST a half dozen times! It's gotta be one of my favorites!
Others I love:
Q: What does a shark eat with peanut butter?
Q: What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the fridge?
A: “Close the door! I’m dressing!”
And no, it's no coincidence that my favorite jokes revolve around food! ;)
OMG I love the jokes!! My 6 year old is all into making jokes but they don’t make any sense. It’s really cute. So excited for you that the remodel is almost done!!
There are worse things then a afternoon cup of coffee and something sweet! If it keeps you sane and you enjoy it and you need it to get through the second half of your day, I say go for it. Enjoy your weekend with the hubs! XOXO
Ah, you make me laugh. As my 10 yr old son Jack would say…youdabomb.com
And here’s his joke of the day…what did the Zero say to the Eight?
Ah, you make me laugh. As my 10 yr old son Jack would say…youdabomb.com
Here’s his joke of the day…what did the Zero say to the the Eight?
Hahahah! This post just made my day. Thanks for the smile :)
I was so distracted by the thought of vanilla Cheerios that I was almost unable to continue reading and instead began wondering if I would be able to get to Big Lots today to see if they have them here. Frosted Cheerios would perhaps suffice. Perhaps.
Coffee FAILS with salt. Bitter with salty never works.
What’s brown and sticky?
The hair thing? I so get it. My Clara hates having her hair washed, brushed and put up. Me too. Although our recent ‘lousy’ episode has made it more of an issue….
Have a great weekend!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell.
LOL! ok i’m a five year old at heart and seriously laughed at maddy’s jokes! especially the ground beef one lol. ok i’m still laughing.
Haha, I was saying, me too! to so much of this post- especially the dressing kids, doing my or L’s hair, and even finding her in a pair of 6-12 mo socks!! Glad I’m not the only one. :) Have an awesome weekend, friend! And what awesome news on the house!!
HAHAHA kids are the best. I love their jokes. My little cousin told me this one the day:
“why did the pony go to the doctor?”
“Because he was a little HOARSE.”
I think her dying of laughter made it so much better for me haha
I was cracking up through this whole thing! Happy Friday, Lindsay! Have a great ship date ;)
Random fact: I love that you called your daughter Clara!! There aren’t enough of us around! Say hi to her from a fellow Clara! :D
well hello back!! love your name (obviously!)
hahahaha LOVE YOU AND ALL OF THIS!!!
You kill me. Thanks for the laugh. I told my husband all the jokes haha
I’m embarrassed that I had to read the octopus joke about 5 times before I got it. Oh well. It’s friday!!!!
lol. i’m so glad you commented, Katie!!
I love that you say that about doing hair. My mom used to FRENCH BRAID my hair every morning. And my 2 sisters’ hair. And my neightbor’s hair. I missed that hair-doing gene.
oh friend, moving is such a stress ball, but you got this. COFFEE IS NEEDED! and scragamuffin in the new trend. All the cute and LOVED kids do it!
yay for moving!!!! I love our house but I can’t wait for us to move (in a few years). The space is already too tight (our house is maaaaybe 1000 sq ft), and I’m ready to stretch out!
Hahaha god I love your posts and your rambles. You are so enjoyable to read.
I’ve made up jokes but for the life of me I can’t think of them atm- but they so would have been the best.
When I was in elementary school, I made up this riddle:
Q: “What’s the same about an orange and a bicycle?”
A: “They both have handlebars. Except for the orange.”
My other favorite joke is,
Q: “What did the egg say when someone put him in boiling water?”
A: “I just got laid yesterday, so it might take a while for me to get hard!”