Yesterday, I had a breakthrough!
For the first time in 9 days, I woke up knowing that it would be a different day. And it wasn’t because I did anything different – it was because of prayer.
Your prayers, my husband’s constant prayers, my own pleads for healing.
Tuesday and Wednesday were by far the worst, darkest days I’d seen. I just couldn’t come out of it – physically, I felt worse, but mentally, I was defeated. On Wednesday night, I went to bed at 8:30 and cried myself to sleep. I was DONE. Mad at God and my body. Even mad at this pregnancy. This blessing of a pregnancy.
That’s what the Devil does. He whispers lies into our ears. Pulls us down into his world, where there is no light or hope or grace. Only darkness.
You can know this about the Devil and yet, still fall for his lies. I can guarantee you that God doesn’t bring those feelings or speak such things into our lives. It is our adversary. So why do we let ourselves be deceived?!
Because we are human.
And it is because of this very fact that we will go through trying times, hardships, persecutions and yes, even all-day sickness. Because we live in this world. God doesn’t bring these hardships about. Re-read that statement. God doesn’t do this. Yes, He is powerful enough to intervene when He needs to. But I don’t believe that he is “punishing” or “hurting” because He can. He wants GOOD in our lives, not bad.
So why doesn’t he just heal me already?
He could. He might. He has already healed me mentally. Now I’m just waiting on the physical.
But if you read the Bible, you’ll see that some of God’s most devoted warriors and saints were beaten, imprisoned, enslaved and even died. He didn’t “save” His most devoted. So we know that God’s healing isn’t based on anything we do or don’t do. God provides healing when you need it the most. But He wants you to be BETTER than before, stronger, more in love with Him. And more reliant on Him.
I can see a tie in with fitness here. We strength train to tear muscle fiber. We tear it and break it. Then, our body comes in and repairs that tear, but not only that, it makes the muscle fiber even thicker and stronger than before so that it’s harder to tear next time. We are left STRONGER. More refined.
God’s healing, or lack there of, is quite similar. He allows the tears and the breaks so that He can come in and FORTIFY. Leaving us with stronger character and a testimony to boot.
I want that. I want to be strong.
So I will carry on. Rely on God’s grace and strength, because I have nothing left.
I will thank him and be joyful for the fortification.
Because this pain is just what I need.
QUESTION: Have you been knocked down before? How do you get back up? Any encouraging verses to share?