I don’t know that this post will get published.

I’m gonna try my hardest to make it so that I CAN publish it, meaning that I’ll write it in a manner that my mother would be proud of.

No cursing.  I’ll try, Mama.

I feel like I’ve already written a version of this post anyway, but this crap keeps happening.  Doesn’t everyone read my blog?!?!

The Issue?  MEAN COMMENTS!

saysomethingnice

Want to know what I’m talking about?  Go read any post with an open comment section.

 

People leaving mean, hateful comments.  Judgmental comments.  Presuming things about these bloggers when they really don’t knowPRESUMING that it’s OK to say mean and hateful things. 

One could argue that myself and these ladies ASKED for the criticism since we put our lives online for all the world to see.

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Those kids aren’t buckled in.  Walking near a downed tree?  Great mom she is.  Travis isn’t smiling.  They’re getting a divorce!  She must be a real bitch. 

I beg to differ.  Just because you blog and open up your life DOES NOT give others the right to bash that life and your choices.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yes.  But no one is entitled to speak hate or judgment.

Haven’t they watched Bambi!?!

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it AT ALL!

And it’s not just with blogging!  It happens ALL THE TIME, all around us.

A teen at our high school hung himself this week.  Right there on campus in one of the bathrooms.  Gone.  Done.

Part of the reason for his suicide?  BULLYING.  People saying mean things and not noticing that there might be something wrong with it.

The thinking before we speak.  THAT’S the problem.  We don’t do it.

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What kind of message are you sending to others when you bash them?  When you judge them?

I’ll tell you. You’re confessing your OWN insecurities and your OWN prejudices.

YOU become the smaller person.  Funny, I often find that the people who leave nasty comments DON’T leave a valid email address or blog URL.  I wonder why that is.

Kind-words-can-be-short-and-easy-to-speak-but-their-echoes-are-truly-endless_Mother-Teresa-Quotes

I simply encourage you (us ALL) to speak kind words.  To not only hold back the mean words, but change them around into KIND words.

A promise = You will hurt no one with kind words, but you can crush a person with mean ones.

Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

Be acceptable in Your sight,

O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

Have a GREAT weekend, you guys!  Spread kindness.  Speak wisely. 

This is basic common sense, right!?!?!!!!

QUESTION:  Have you ever written a mean comment?  Has someone ever bashed you?  How can we change this?

splendid…lindsay

  1. Janice says:

    What is the point of a mean comment anyway? I am sure the person that posted the mean comment here or on anyother site doesn’t see it as mean and that this post doesn’t apply to them. Keep your head up!

  2. Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli says:

    Amen sister! I know it is human nature to judge (slash compare ourselves to) others, but I do my best to see the good in people. I honestly don’t know how the “mean people” do it…how do they sleep at night?…I mean, since they must be thinking for HOURS on how to spin something (read, just about anything) into something negative. It must be exhausting!

    I’ve never really been bashed, but early on in my blogging, I remember mentioning in a post that my microwave had broken and therefore I had to heat up my leftovers in the oven. I complained about the time it took to cook…because obviously I’m an instant-gratification kind of gal. ;) I ended up getting a HUGE paragraph-long comment asking me why I was promoting the use of microwaves? And don’t I know they are bad for you?! At first, I was taken aback…I’d only been blogging for a couple of months and I wasn’t sure how to approach my first negative comment. But it bothered me…and I couldn’t NOT respond…so I killed her with Google facts baby! I linked at least three different websites stating that the effects of microwave radiation on human health/cancer risk was still speculation. And you know what? She didn’t respond back! Ahhh, too bad…because I was geared up to go environmental debate on her ass! Lol

  3. Erika says:

    It would be great if we all could even not think those mean, hurtful and judgmental thoughts, but we do. I feel bad ever thinking things or judging somebody by something they might say or do but I stop myself from vocalizing it. By saying it doesn’t do them or me any good and just would make us both feel bad. So, if I do find myself thinking something negative I try to find something positive about them – but I just stop there too and I really should say it out loud. I also think that as much as we want to stop bullying we have to realize that that is probably never going to happen so we need to teach ourselves and our children how to deal with it in a positive way so that we don’t end up with more teenage suicides and other tragedies.

    And also – is that a Bumbleride Stroller? It looks very similar to my Bumbleride single stroller and I didn’t know they made them as doubles (for when I might need one :) ).

  4. Katie says:

    I have NEVER understood why people leave mean blog comments. No one forces you to go to a blog and read it. So if you don’t like it, don’t go back. Plain. And. Simple.

    I can’t imagine anyone leaving negative comments for you, but I am sure it happens. So I’ll tell you to just keep up the good work. :)

  5. LA says:

    I recently discovered your blog and I love it. I really enjoy Tuesday Trainer, REAL people demonstrating exercises,that I can relate to. Keep up the good work. Ignore the haters.

  6. Allie says:

    I will never understand mean blog comments–and I’d definitely never leave one. You know the magical thing about the Internet? If you don’t like the site you’re on…you can just leave. There’s a handy red “X” up in the corner. And that site will no longer affect your life. So why do something that WILL impact another person’s life? And in a bad way? We all have our opinions, do our own thing, say our own things–and that’s wonderful, why would someone want to take that away?

  7. STUFT Mama says:

    Um yeah, I have seen some pretty mean comments lately and man those are hard to swallow, aren’t they? You just can’t shake them. Bleh.
    Hope you’re feeling better. Looks like in on instagram. :) HUGS!

  8. Pingback: Bean Bytes #9
  9. Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen says:

    I remember the first time I got a ‘mean’ comment on my blog someone told me I had ‘finally made it as a blogger.’ I don’t even remember what was said, but I do think it is sad that people don’t think we’ve really ‘made it’ in the blog world until we have received criticism. I would NEVER say anything mean to anyone on a post they have written, and not just because half the time I don’t comment at all. ;) It bothers me so much how negative comments affect me SO much more than the tens of positive ones I receive.

    Thank you for speaking your mind and for being strong in your will.

  10. Sophie says:

    Agreed. Don’t know if you experience the same thing, but I noticed when I became a fitness instructor it was like I had opened the flood gates to anyone and everyone’s opinion on me and what I did, looked like, said…etc. Makes you grow a thicker skin though.

    A nice comment to leave you (and not meaning to creep you out too much), you have definitely entered my subconscious mind as the other night you and your son were in my dream, just hanging out with me and my friends, very weird when I realised the person I remembered from my dream was you. Thanks for sharing your life’s experiences and wisdom.

  11. kate says:

    i agree with you but i also think u do the same thing. i don’t think it is done intentionally but but i have felt it in your posts… judgement, making others feel not the best about themselves for their decisions.

  12. char eats greens says:

    You’re so right – nastiest comment from the anonymous person. Hmmm, coincidence? I think not!! I don’t think I could ever leave a mean/rude comment on someone’s blog even if I was thinking it!! It just feels so much better to be nice to people – especially when you don’t truly know people through blogging/internet/no face-to-face contact! Good post!!

  13. Kristen@ Good 'n Good for Ya says:

    So well written. I’ve been trying to write a similar post but can’t seem to keep the profanity under control:-) I think so many of us are raised in environments where women bond by gossiping about and excluding other women. Then we imitate it. Add the anonymity of the internet and things get nasty. My blog is in it’s infancy but I decided before I started it that I would moderate mean/inappropriate comments. Disagree with me- fine, just state it respectfully! The Bloggess wrote a great post about editing nasty comments into compliments but I’d be afraid that it would just escalate.
    Don’t even get me started on my rant about the evils of bashing other mothers!

  14. Kristen @ notsodomesticated says:

    Very well said, Lindsay. I have absolutely never left a mean comment and I never would. I have disagreed with things I’ve read, but I’ve kept my thoughts to myself. I’ve been fortunate to never really have any unkind comments on my blog. But I did have one person comment that it didn’t look like I was eating enough … which I just found humorous because I know how much I eat. ;)

  15. Meghan @ After the Ivy League says:

    I completely agree. Not just in the blogging world, but in the “real” world too. Nothing good comes from being cruel to one another. Treat others as you want to be treated. And if you’re upset with a friend or family member and cross the line by saying something cruel, apologize!! Tell them you didn’t mean it, you were just upset for whatever reasons. Being genuinely sorry and asking for genuine forgiveness in return is a powerful thing.

  16. janetha {meals & moves} says:

    I love you and your sweet, kind-hearted, sensitive soul. You let the negativity get to you so much BECAUSE you are such a loving person. It is not in your nature to be rude, hurtful, or anything of the like. I grew up being bullied. I grew up letting it get to me. I developed a hard outer shell to protect myself from negativity.. but that does not mean I am immune to feeling hurt from it. It just means I am able to brush it off better. It’s important to remember all the wonderful comments and feedback you receive and to remember that you ARE GOOD. Like I text you earlier, not everyone will like you or agree with you. And that’s OK. It’s crappy that they voice their opinion on your platform for you to see, but that is unfortunately a risk we take by putting ourselves online for all to judge. Just remember, you do you and nothing else, no matter the feedback, and that’s all that matters. You are changing lives for the better just by blogging about the things you believe are right and good. And never let anything or anyone stop you from that. Love you to the moon!

  17. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes says:

    This is a wonderful post. That’s so sad about that high schooler. Something goes wrong in people’s lives very early when they start to bully. I don’t know why people teach their kids to hate but the fact is that it happens. We just have to do our best to show them there is another way. I’ve never received a super negative comment on my blog although I have seen some horrible things on other people’s and I mean, really?, THIS is where people choose to put their energy? Anonymous negativity on the internet? I feel sad for those people.

  18. Life's a Bowl says:

    Very well said! After reading a few blogs lately and seeing things in the news, I’m starting to wonder if everyone has forgotten their filters?! I cannot stand when someone is mean or hurtful- it doesn’t do anything to make anyone [person being attacked or the attacker] feel good!

  19. julie says:

    AMEN sista. i’m glad you posted this – people do not have excuses for why they should tear people to shreds its just not right – glad you said it. xoxo

  20. Christin@christinjoyful says:

    WELL DONE! I get so sick of seeing Blog Bullying. I believe in constructive criticism when it comes from a caring friend or family member that KNOWS YOU but it makes me sick to my stomach to see the careless and crass comments that are made on blogs. For goodness sake!

    Did you see this video yet? I thought the reporter handled it really well…

  21. Christin@christinjoyful says:

    WELL DONE! I get so sick of seeing Blog Bullying. I believe in constructive criticism when it comes from a caring friend or family member that KNOWS YOU but it makes me sick to my stomach to see the careless and crass comments that are made on blogs. For goodness sake!

    Did you see this video yet? I thought the reporter handled it really well…

    http://youtu.be/QxiNSDkrekQ

  22. Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie says:

    There are some horribly mean people out there and it makes me so sad. I wish people would put their energy into lifting other people up instead of tearing people down. That said, as a blogger I feel a responsibility to make sure I do not come across as judgmental or preachy or condescending on issues that I post about, which unfortunately I have seen some bloggers do. I think it’s a fine balance between the two.

  23. Lisa says:

    These types of comments make me so sad. Sad for the people posting about them. Why feel the need to bring peoples lives into such negativity. It is truly horrid. No one knows how that comment could effect someone and god forbid it someone actually took a negative comment to heart and did something that could end their life. I don’t know if some people just don’t think before typing or what it is, but I’m not a fan of bullying of any kind. Especially as my sister has lost a friend to bullying and she has been SO badly bullied I watched her cry for days about her sadness over others comments where it got to the point she had to leave school. It is such a waste of time and energy to be in such a negative mindset when you can simply close the tab of the persons blog or choose to live a more grateful live with positive energy. I’ve gotten a few mean comments and sometimes I let them get to me, just because I am very sensitive. Usually I just tell my mom and she makes me feel better ha ha.

  24. Calee (@chimes) — life + running says:

    I love love love love love you for posting this. I actively delete mean comments and send a message to those who write mean things. It hasn’t happened often to me, but my readership is much less than you ladies. There’s a huge difference between mean and just disagreeing, and the comments on those posts are super mean (I didn’t’ read GOMI because that site should not exist).

  25. Christine @ Love, Life, Surf says:

    Thank you for this. It’s infuriating to me that people will spend so much time and energy being mean. I can only think that it’s, as you say, because of their own insecurities and they only way that they can find to make themselves feel better. But does that justify it? The internet and blogging has made it so much easier for people to be mean because they can leave an anonymous comment or a comment without a valid email address. But if it’s not something that you would ever say to someone’s face, why can you say it online?

  26. Laura @ Mommy Run Fast says:

    Why is it that people can be so critical from behind their computer screen, when I doubt they’d say those things in person? Bullying is such a scary issue… thanks for doing your part to spread the word. It’s a very real concern for this next generation of kids… I’m so sorry to hear of the boy who hung himself. Sigh. :(

  27. kelliann says:

    I love this post. There have been times I have been afraid to write in my own blog because I didn’t want to be judged. Coming from someone who has been bullied almost all my life, it’s hard to move away from that feeling of fear. Snarky-ness should be kept to oneself.

  28. Madeline @ Food Fitness and Family says:

    I totally agree with you on internet bullying. People can be SO mean and it is ridiculous. However, I think sometimes when people comment with a differing opinion it can be taken very negatively. I have seen so many people say “oh the haters” when someone just wrote a well articulated, respectful, different opinion as a comment. What we all have to remember is that we don’t have to agree with what someone says 100% of time, we can state that in a respectful manner to create ongoing dialogue like adults :)

    • Lauren @ Oatmeal after Spinning says:

      Completely agree with what you said! Bullying is definitely NOT right in any way and shouldn’t be tolerated. However, having a difference in opinion and stating it is not “hating.” And if you make a very bold statement about something that could be seen as controversial out loud or online, you should definitely be prepared that others may not agree, and will want to express that.
      For me personally, if I don’t agree with something that someone writes on a blog, I just keep my thoughts to myself. It may be somewhat passive, but I’d just rather not go down that road.
      And I just want to point out (just like Laura did a while ago) Lindsay and I have pretty much the complete opposite opinions and beliefs on some pretty big topics – BUT, I love her to death and am friends with her “in real life.” She never pushes her opinions on me, or judges me for having differing ones.

      • Madeline says:

        I guess I should hae clarified that my statement wasn’t directe Lindsay because I think she’s the bomb dot com but rather a broad statement about the nature of blogging in general and some things I’ve witnessed. Again wasn’t directed AT Lindsay cause she rocks.

  29. Natalie @ Free Range Human says:

    I think what we can do is exactly what you’re doing. It’s important for all of us as a community to stand up against this kind of bullying behavior (because it IS bullying) and say we’re not going to stand for it. One of the things that attracted me to this community in the first place is how positive and supportive it is. We all have each other’s backs and if we continue to draw attention to this problem, surely we can make it better.

  30. Katie @ Peace Love & Oats says:

    Amen. I just don’t understand mean comments on posts, and don’t even get me started on gomi. Why all the negativity? If you don’t like someone’s blog, DON’T READ IT. There’s no need to bring other people down, just walk away! I just can’t wrap my mind around it.

  31. Chelsie @ Balance, Not Scale says:

    I try to focus on the fact that I know myself and my body better than anyone else. I document my struggles, difficulties, and victories as I feel them. No one can take away MY feelings. Sometimes I wonder why people waste their time being negative, not only with comments, but in general. It seems like such a waste of a life.
    I received a very long comment when I was first starting to blog about how my weight was absurdly low and how I shouldn’t be working out. I’ve been medically cleared by dotors, psychologists and dietitians. My coach knows of my ED history and is constantly on the lookout for warning signs that I’m training too hard/not eating enough. I eat 3x the amount of calories daily than I used to exercising the same amount (or more!). I’m very sad to say that her comment has caused me to put fewer pictures of myself on my blog because I fear the criticism. When really, I should be holding my head up high! I am who I am. My body is capable of running a 1:28 half-marathon — it is a body to be celebrated!!
    Life is too short to spend caught in negative mindsets.

  32. Corrie Anne says:

    Thanks for this post. I am always sooo shocked when I see a negative or sarcastic comment on a blog. It’s just so unnecessary! It’s weird that some people think they are entitled to comment whatever they want just because we are sharing a part of our lives online.
    As far as my blog goes, people are pretty supportive of all my dog pictures… Lol. But if any of them ever called them ugly, they better watch it!

  33. Beccalou says:

    Amen, Lindsay.
    Technology and social media make it so easy to express our emotions without experiencing the direct consequence of how the affect those who read our words. It’s easy to underestimate the power of a few keystrokes. I am, however, so thankful that the opposite effect is true as well. You just never know when a single positive, uplifting or inspiring comment might bring light into someone’s otherwise dark place… maybe even one of those people who would have left a mean comment…
    Keep on keepin’ on. What you do here on this blog is wonderful!

  34. Becky Przy says:

    I have never posted a mean comment. I always think how I would feel if someone posted a mean comment about me, my family or the way I lived my life. I feel sooo bad for bloggers sometimes, people are just rude sometimes. I think I would end up crying a lot of the time…you ladies are tough cookies and I admire you all for sharing your life and experiences!

  35. lindsay says:

    i made it to GOMI once. I was shocked. And wondered why they wasted so much energy on talking about someone/something. Then i just prayed.comments are just comments, we know how you live, god knows, and DAMN IT (yes i caused for you) you are doing HIS WILL.

  36. Katie @ Talk Less, Say More says:

    While I haven’t received any mean comments (yet), I have received a couple that probably weren’t taken the way they were intending (maybe I’m assuming positive intent?). But I have to agree. I just feel like if you don’t like what I have to say (or you or someone else) on my blog, then don’t read it. I write it to share my journey to ANYONE INTERESTED and to hopefully motivate anyone trying to live a healthier lifestyle, but if you don’t like it, then I don’t want or expect you to read it. For whatever reason, I just think some people don’t have anything better to do but say mean things on the internet..?

  37. Michelle @ Eat Move Balance says:

    Eeek. I have yet to receive a mean comment…..but I’m guessing its just a matter of time. I wish people would consider the repercussions of their actions before publishing comments on someone else’s blog. Bloggers put a lot of time and effort into what they do. My blog is actually quite important to me, it’s a reflection of what I’m passionate about. So, I know I’d be really hurt if someone left a “bad mark” on it, if you know what I mean.

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