See, I told you you’d be back. Everyone loves a teaser!!
Even more than that, we all LOVE to read about other people’s dirt. How do you think trashy magazines stay in business!?! (Nail salons are my guess.)
I don’t think my life is quite as scandalous as say, well, name any other person really. My grandmother might have a more “tabloid worthy” life than me. But, if I know anything about people, it’s that we’re all just a little crazy (my grandmother included). You might be good at hiding your crazy from other people, but it’s there…hiding behind your obsessively clean house and perfectly dressed children, just waiting to come out. Some of us have hidden our craziness for so long, that we OURSELVES start to believe that we’re normal.
I am no such person. I am an open book. Much to my mother’s chagrin, I often speak first, think second. She would say I’m just a tad too open with my sex life. That’s just the way I am – my filter is slightly ajar. And fortunately for you, today I’m showing you the side of me that you’d PAY to read about in a tabloid. Or just wait and read it for free at your next pedicure.
A list of my neuroses (incomplete, I’m sure):
- I vacuum my house A LOT.
Like every other day a lot. Even I admit, that is a bit much. It’s not even that my house is dirty all the time either. It’s that I CRAVE the feeling that comes from knowing that everything is clean. In my defense, our house is so small that it only takes 3 minutes! I can vacuum the entire house and never have to switch plugs – that’s how teeny it is! So, vacuuming isn’t time consuming. But still – every other day! Curazzyy!! It gets to be a bit much for Travis. I often wonder how he could love a psycho clean freak…I tried to ask him, but couldn’t hear his response over the loud buzz of the vacuum.
- Figure 8’s
I had to videotape this because it’s just so hard to explain. And rationalize.
I’m not sure when this behavior started, but I can remember the first time I noticed it. A couple of years ago, I was on a long run, legs pumping to Kanye West, when I noticed myself drawing Circle 8’s with my index finger on my thumb. Now, every single time I run, I’ll notice myself doing it. It’s not something that I’m consciously aware of doing, it just sort of happens. I’ll be holding Travis’ hand during church or in the car and start doing it to HIS hand. To make me aware that I’m slowly rubbing a hole in his dermis, he’ll start “figure eighting” on me. So annoying.
I remember my greatgrandma Liz twiddling her thumbs while she sat and told me stories. Like literally rubbing her thumbs together. I think it helped her concentrate. I loved that woman, so let’s just call my behavior an homage to her, k?
- Weird pillow behavior
Eeh..Travis can sleep on the couch.
This one is probably going to sound the weirdest…and that’s saying a lot. Ok – here goes. Put your fingers up to your nostrils. You’ll notice that more air comes out of one side than the other. Now follow my craziness. The nostril with the most air, that nostril needs something obstructing its air flow just a bit. You know, to even it out with the “weaker” side. Oh Geez, I’m cuckoo. Stick with me. So when lying down at night, if the “strong” nostril is say, on your left, you would lie on your left side and use the pillow to help obstruct half of the air flow.
It’s ok to be frightened off. We had a good couple of months and I’ll only wish you the best. Just don’t judge me tonight when you can’t fall asleep because your “strong” nostril is ceiling-side up.
- Even numbers
Last one. I searched and searched for a related cartoon…turns out, not a lot of comics can relate to this level of weirdness, or even creatively IMAGINE it. Sometimes, when I eat, I like to chew in even numbers. Like if I’m given M&M’s or candy, I ALWAYS take 4 or 6, never 5 or 7. I’ll chew one on the right side, one on the left, until they’re gone. When I was younger, I used to count my steps and liked to end on an even number. Luckily, I outgrew that. And look at the normal, figure-eighting, strong nostril breathing, vacuum crazed-adult that I’ve become.
Phew…feels good to get all that off my chest. Hopefully, this “sharing experience” won’t turn you off too much. Actually, I hope it does just the opposite. I hope it shows you that there are other’s out in the world just as cuckoo as YOU.
***On a more serious note: It is IMPORTANT to realize that there are people who suffer greatly from mental illness and it is NEVER OK to poke fun at them!***
But, it’s perfectly fine to poke fun at YOURSELF.
Sharing Time!! Tell me one of your weird habits. I promise not to laugh.
To your face.